THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Muddy Knees & Brief Shallow Graves"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your usual fine attention to detail along with the revealing dialogue really moves this chapter along, Jay. I'm fascinated by how much Zarb worries about how Doctrex will appear. As always, very well done.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Your usual fine attention to detail along with the revealing dialogue really moves this chapter along, Jay. I'm fascinated by how much Zarb worries about how Doctrex will appear. As always, very well done.
:) Bev
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Bev. I appreciate you being here watching this evolve. Things start moving next chapter.
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You're very welcome! :)
Comment from Drew Delaney
Nice chapter, Jay. It kept my interest to the end. I wondered about the grave. How did they get rid of the soil they dug up? Did they put some back? It doesn't say. I suppose they could have spread it over the rest of the soil. I would think if someone walked over the branches in that particular spot, it would cave in. Just wondering. Keep up the great writing. Drew
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Nice chapter, Jay. It kept my interest to the end. I wondered about the grave. How did they get rid of the soil they dug up? Did they put some back? It doesn't say. I suppose they could have spread it over the rest of the soil. I would think if someone walked over the branches in that particular spot, it would cave in. Just wondering. Keep up the great writing. Drew
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Bless you, Drew! That chartreuse cross looks so pretty standing up against the red stars. Thanks. Some good solid points. It means I need to substantiate them more. Never crossed my mind I needed to, but you're right. About others coming upon the graves. The Plain of Djur where Garvin is taking Doctrex's letter, is only about 30 minutes away, and the road is not much traveled. Of course all of that needs to be mentioned. Will you tell them or shall I? I was afraid of that.
Comment from LIJ Red
The name came to me. Conrad. Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim, etc. Controlled meticulous recounting of the story in historian-like detail. Some of us are blessed with the patience and passion to do that. Me, I tell it by the campfire or scratch it on the pooperia wall. Excellent prose.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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The name came to me. Conrad. Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim, etc. Controlled meticulous recounting of the story in historian-like detail. Some of us are blessed with the patience and passion to do that. Me, I tell it by the campfire or scratch it on the pooperia wall. Excellent prose.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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In that case, I wish I could move a little to the left (toward Red) and you a little to the right. Maybe we could meet in the middle.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. This is getting very complex and General Dortrex seems to be formidable.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. This is getting very complex and General Dortrex seems to be formidable.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Tomes. Glad you are enjoying it.
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Indeed
Comment from c_lucas
It seems as if they are on the last part of their trip. The end is near. I must admit I have not figured out the ending. Your story is very well written. Good job.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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It seems as if they are on the last part of their trip. The end is near. I must admit I have not figured out the ending. Your story is very well written. Good job.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you Charlie. You are appreciated.
Comment from Dashjianta
Doctrex had got Zarbs well under his thumb now. Every time Doctrex mentions something Glnot could take issue with, like the way his men dealt with Engel, he oushes Zarbs closer to the edge of his self-control. That Doctrex is now ordering Zarbs men about shows how far the balance of power has shifted. He has to be careful though--if he pushes too hard Zarbs could snap and the consequences won't come into his thinking then.
I like the way you give Doctrex time to himself at the graves, and how he reflects on the rest of the men lost in the ambush, and links the traits of those being buried with the rest of the troops.
Good ending too, with Doctrex wanting to give Garvin a proper farewell but knowing he can't with Zarbs watching so closely.
He sighed and stared down at his fingers crawling like pudgy worms entangled in his lap.
--Wonderful description--vivad and sums up Zarb's character through Doctrex's eyes.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Doctrex had got Zarbs well under his thumb now. Every time Doctrex mentions something Glnot could take issue with, like the way his men dealt with Engel, he oushes Zarbs closer to the edge of his self-control. That Doctrex is now ordering Zarbs men about shows how far the balance of power has shifted. He has to be careful though--if he pushes too hard Zarbs could snap and the consequences won't come into his thinking then.
I like the way you give Doctrex time to himself at the graves, and how he reflects on the rest of the men lost in the ambush, and links the traits of those being buried with the rest of the troops.
Good ending too, with Doctrex wanting to give Garvin a proper farewell but knowing he can't with Zarbs watching so closely.
He sighed and stared down at his fingers crawling like pudgy worms entangled in his lap.
--Wonderful description--vivad and sums up Zarb's character through Doctrex's eyes.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for reading so interpretively and closely. I am so waiting for my creativity to explode! I feel like I've been grappling word by word, without fluidity. It's happened in the past, perhaps to you as well, and then suddenly it creaks, then breaks open and all kinds of magic occur. I'm counting on that happening as soon as I get Doctrex in the castle with Rhuether and Axtilla. That starts in two chapters. Thanks again for "holding my hand" through a lot of this.
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Aye, there's nothing worse (in a writing sense) than having to force your way through scenes/chapters. I hope you get Doctrex to the castle, get those first few lines down on screen and everything starts flowing again.
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PS. I meant to say--what happened to the character list? You decide to do without, or is its absence an oversight?
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I'm confident it will. Sometimes nothing works like an old-fashioned whine.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again you wrote a good continuation of this novel. I enjoyed reading and I am wondering what Doctrex has planned. I know it's something but I don't know what.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Once again you wrote a good continuation of this novel. I enjoyed reading and I am wondering what Doctrex has planned. I know it's something but I don't know what.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Barbara, for reading. Things really star cracking next chapter.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
At last they have the three bodies of his men buried, the grave camouflaged, but he shows Medic Gavin where it is.
where his neck joined to his polished dome.
fingers crawling like pudgy worms entangled in his lap. --I like the little snippets of description you pop in from time to time
"Thank you(,) my friend."
All your chapters deserve a six.
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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At last they have the three bodies of his men buried, the grave camouflaged, but he shows Medic Gavin where it is.
where his neck joined to his polished dome.
fingers crawling like pudgy worms entangled in his lap. --I like the little snippets of description you pop in from time to time
"Thank you(,) my friend."
All your chapters deserve a six.
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Margaret. I SO do appreciate you and your encouraging words.
Comment from alf collier
Hi Jay. Another top read. I wonder, though, what lies in wait for Doctrex at the castle. I also wonder about Garvin, and worry for his safety. But as always, I shall wait and see how the story unfolds. Loving this and look forward to more, alf
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi Jay. Another top read. I wonder, though, what lies in wait for Doctrex at the castle. I also wonder about Garvin, and worry for his safety. But as always, I shall wait and see how the story unfolds. Loving this and look forward to more, alf
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Alf. The real action begins next chapter. I'm kinda anxious to get him off the wagon. I appreciate the 6 stars.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
You see, colonel (Colonel) in one or two other places too
excellent writing, my friend (just as I would expect. It is always refreshing to read quality writing, especially by someone with a big heart, too). Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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You see, colonel (Colonel) in one or two other places too
excellent writing, my friend (just as I would expect. It is always refreshing to read quality writing, especially by someone with a big heart, too). Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Debbie! Welcome back. I've gone round and round with this. I had concluded when the rank occurs with the name it is capped. That's how I've been doing it for the last year or so. I can't find anything definitive on this either way. Or rather, there seems to be good reason for either capped or non-capped. I'm so happy to have you reading The Trining again!
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I am so glad to be back, Jay. I am getting a new beagle today which should really help!!! Debbie
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Oh, good for you. It will never replace your other, but after one solid lick in the face it will be love stacked upon love. Nothing wrong with layering.