When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Second Shock "A family's love is tested.
25 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
"Settling for sheets soaked with guilt that must have smelled." I wished I wrote that line, it makes me go wow! Brilliant description, it digs deeps into your sister's mindset.
Thank goodness for Bobby or your mother might have gotten literally sick with worry. Barbara is hoping from place to place, job to job hoping to find something to fill her empty hole. It's a shame she did not realize that the only person who can fill that hole is her. It all comes for the inside.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
  |
"Settling for sheets soaked with guilt that must have smelled." I wished I wrote that line, it makes me go wow! Brilliant description, it digs deeps into your sister's mindset.
Thank goodness for Bobby or your mother might have gotten literally sick with worry. Barbara is hoping from place to place, job to job hoping to find something to fill her empty hole. It's a shame she did not realize that the only person who can fill that hole is her. It all comes for the inside.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
This is a very insightful review. I'm glad you're seeing that. She thought the condo would fill that hole, but Mom knew better.
She is more to be pitied than censored.
Comment from adewpearl
called Bobby, who lived - add the comma
her new number, but - add comma
excellent character development, both through people's actions and through the narrator's commentary
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
an interesting study in family dynamics
Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
called Bobby, who lived - add the comma
her new number, but - add comma
excellent character development, both through people's actions and through the narrator's commentary
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
an interesting study in family dynamics
Brooke
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
Thanks, Brooke for catching the comma errors. I know the rule about conjunctions and shouldn't have missed that. I don't know the rule about using commas before who. I'll have to look it up when I find the time. Appreciate your wonderful remarks on dialogue, characterization and family dynamics. I wonder if we all have something akin to this going on.
-
put a comma before who if you have already identified the person. I hate Bob's father, who always belittles me. Don't put a comma before who if the who clause is necessary for identifying who the sentence is about - The police are looking for the man who robbed First National Bank.
-
Thanks. You're a pearl! :-) An easy rule to remember.
<3 Shari
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Shari,
Because you're writing about your sister, I have to refrain from all the comments I might otherwise share. Do you think she was making that up about the Jesuit?
Now I can understand how you became so close with Bobby. That quote at the end took me by surprise. Although your sister was self-centered, I feel sorry for her. She's passed, right?
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Hi Shari,
Because you're writing about your sister, I have to refrain from all the comments I might otherwise share. Do you think she was making that up about the Jesuit?
Now I can understand how you became so close with Bobby. That quote at the end took me by surprise. Although your sister was self-centered, I feel sorry for her. She's passed, right?
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
Yes, Barb died six years ago at age 65. Quite unexpected. I'm glad to here you say you felt sorry for her. I did too. As for the Jesuit, I don't think she made it up. She always turned men's head when she walked into a room. And a Jesuit would present a challenge.
Comment from emrpoems
A good story that should be easily turned in to a book. real life stories are easy to develop with few additions to make it more dramatic.
Well done and an enjoyable read
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
A good story that should be easily turned in to a book. real life stories are easy to develop with few additions to make it more dramatic.
Well done and an enjoyable read
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
I took your advice and turned it into a book. It was turning out much longer than expected. Still a ways to go. Thanks for the encouragement.
Comment from kiwijenny
Whoah...well I hope he isn't Tyrannasaurus Rex....how will he help her make the bed with those tiny arms?
What a way to live life..I'm glad I've only one...bedded sounds so cold....and clammy
Good read..
God bless
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Whoah...well I hope he isn't Tyrannasaurus Rex....how will he help her make the bed with those tiny arms?
What a way to live life..I'm glad I've only one...bedded sounds so cold....and clammy
Good read..
God bless
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
We made fun of his name too. Wait until you hear the last name. I remember now my sister's words were more on the side of
"men I've been to bed with." Same thing. Love never mentioned. g
Comment from gypsycaravan
Every family seems to have one 'unsettled' member who resists closeness to the others. Yet, they search constantly for someone to share intimacy. I wonder what causes that. Nice work here, Spitfire, as always.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Every family seems to have one 'unsettled' member who resists closeness to the others. Yet, they search constantly for someone to share intimacy. I wonder what causes that. Nice work here, Spitfire, as always.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
It does seem that way. She felt too intellectually superior for the rest of us.
Comment from Domino 2
Unless I'm psychic, I'm sure I've read at least the first half of this chapter before. Weird!
Anyway, less humour than usual, but counteracted by more interesting facts and philosophy.
It seems Barbara is very cold and stubborn, and maybe she just told Mom about the wedding to hurt her more by letting her know she hadn't been invited.
Excellent story-telling (bio) skills.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Unless I'm psychic, I'm sure I've read at least the first half of this chapter before. Weird!
Anyway, less humour than usual, but counteracted by more interesting facts and philosophy.
It seems Barbara is very cold and stubborn, and maybe she just told Mom about the wedding to hurt her more by letting her know she hadn't been invited.
Excellent story-telling (bio) skills.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
Wow! I hadn't thought of that angle. Fortunately, I don't think Mom processed it this way. More in the next chapter.
Comment from alexisleech
Not good! If she had called and said 'I just wanted to let you know,' that would have been much better. The way it comes across is that she only called because her new husband suggested it. I know it's a bit mean spirited, but I'm glad your sister lost money on the condo. It would seem your mother was right all along.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Not good! If she had called and said 'I just wanted to let you know,' that would have been much better. The way it comes across is that she only called because her new husband suggested it. I know it's a bit mean spirited, but I'm glad your sister lost money on the condo. It would seem your mother was right all along.
Alexis x
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
You'll get reactions in the next post to the next book. Stay tuned. LOL
Comment from IndianaIrish
Wow, she sure went a long time before contacting you or your mom. you describe your sister's actions very well, Shari. How did your mom feel during those years without hearing from her? What about you? I look forward to more! A few things to look at...
we had shared some personal moments and become(became) close again.
The very opposite in looks to her first husband. (an incomplete sentence or fragment. It's okay to use in dialogue, though.)
He(He'd or he would sweat)sweat so much, I washed the sheets as soon as he left."
My sister giggled. "I'm sure, but after all he is a man first.(")
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Wow, she sure went a long time before contacting you or your mom. you describe your sister's actions very well, Shari. How did your mom feel during those years without hearing from her? What about you? I look forward to more! A few things to look at...
we had shared some personal moments and become(became) close again.
The very opposite in looks to her first husband. (an incomplete sentence or fragment. It's okay to use in dialogue, though.)
He(He'd or he would sweat)sweat so much, I washed the sheets as soon as he left."
My sister giggled. "I'm sure, but after all he is a man first.(")
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for catching my errors and letting me know the issues you want mentioned in the next post.
Hugs,
Shari
Comment from maggieadams
Love how you tell the story through realistic dialogue intermixed with internal dialogue. The sheets of guilt metaphor is a good one. Hope the next chapter is out...married...my daughter married before I met her husband...she was lucky...he is wonderful.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
|
Love how you tell the story through realistic dialogue intermixed with internal dialogue. The sheets of guilt metaphor is a good one. Hope the next chapter is out...married...my daughter married before I met her husband...she was lucky...he is wonderful.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
-
I'm glad your daughter picked out a good man. When my daughter brought home her boyfriend from CA, the one she eventually married, Frank and I didn't much care for him. Still don't. Sigh...