Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

At first blush, I see Ziltinaur as a manifestation by the Great Oz. I did have some trouble with his 'projection' and his physical attributes both present at the same time. Granted, I have the X-Files playing the background as I'm reading, so I may not be as appropriately engaged and absorbing as I should. That said, am interested in how the balance of Doctrexs' wards deal with the trojan in their midst and the danger, not yet realized.

I like the richness of your descriptions in both describing the enemy, his form and the emotions of his followers. Nicely done.

Jean

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014

Thanks, Jean for your kind words and all the stars. There is a feeling of the Great Oz in Ziltinaur, isn't there?

Comment from marijmd

Excellent

Well that was an intriguing read - you conveyed the action well and your descriptions at the end of Ziltinaur were very proactive in their imagery - leaves the reading wondering what the latch could be for.

Feels like this chapter might bring hope back to the men and renew their beliefs and trust in Doctrix' actions.

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Thanks, Maria. So glad to have you stop by and read. I have to admit I spent ages working out the choreography of Doctrex's hacking off Ziltinaur's calf in mid stride. Thanks for noticing.

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Only Doctrex seems able to recognize the Trojan horse that is, I believe, Ziltinaur. This complex chapter moved at a very good pace, Jay, and leaves us wanting to read on. Great job, as always. :) Bev

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

As luck would have it, now you'll be able to read on. I just posted the next chapter. Thanks, Bev.

reply by Writingfundimension on 09-Nov-2014

'Welcome, Jay! :)

Comment from Fridayauthor

Exceptional

Very well done, Jay. You had a lot of detail to convey and you performed in an excellent fashion. There is a great deal of tension in the chapter and you were able to sustain it to the end.

I suppose I have to pick on something. I don't think the approaching distance needed to be stated in the detail of, "three quarters of a football field" and later, about sixty yards away. I think it interrupts the tension. Simply, he was getting closer.

Good job of teasing for the next chapter as well.

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Now, this is INDEED an honor, Ray. I love my 6's. When one comes from you I tend to wet my pants! I will consider very closely the distance issues. It was all intentional ... my equivalent of the ticking clock. I'll look it over in the next edit. Thanks, Ray.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Doctrex was correct about this metal giant. I am glad. I hope his men realize they were under a magical spell. I am wondering what is in store for them next. You did a good job writing this.

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Thank you, Barbara. I appreciate your kind words.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hey, Jay,

Good action and thought process from my buddy, Doctrex. And I like the visuals you give of Ziltinaur, especially towards the end.

~~ It was pounded in my head to avoid using adverbs whenever possible, so below, I restructured without using the 3 adverbs ~~

They glanced at me impatiently, reproachfully, then smilingly up at Ziltinaur.

Suggestion: They glanced at me with an impatient smile full of reproach.

Nice fast paced chapter.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Well, when you look at adverbs like that! Lol, I'll see about toning them down. Thanks Jax.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well Doctrex appears to have single handedly turned back the Ziltinaur,. But something is regenerating, could this be another obstacle to encounter, you've left this wide open Jay, great complex drama you've added to this already great story, well done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Thanks, Roy for your close read and your kind words. Just posted the next chapter.

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. I am intrigued by this military story with a difference. Well done yet again.

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Thanks, Tomes. This was a fun chapter to read.

reply by Tomes Johnston on 10-Nov-2014

My pleasure

Comment from kiwijenny

Exceptional

I think the childhood image of Santa Claus...no malevolent bogeyman but a kind loving image is very powerful and clever...
This links us as reader. Great hook
God bless...can't wait to find out what happens next

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

You made my day, Jenny. Thank you so much for the Six. The next chapter's just posted.

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Exceptional

I can't wait for the next chapter because this is so exciting, Jay. I was willing Doctrex to move, and move fast! I didn't think I could ever get so involved in fantasy! Great writing, Giddy

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014

Bless you, Giddy. I'm not sure Doctrex would have moved had you not willed him. LOL, you did all the work and still gave me a Six. Thanks, dear!