THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "1,000 FATHERLESS BROTHERS (Pt.1) "JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
22 total reviews
Comment from Acquired Taste
Trouble seems to be glimmering just out of sight...loved your line: His voice was compellingly urgent without being loud. I enjoyed the dialogue in this chapter - actually looking forward to the next one. Really nicely penned. AT=/
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
  |
Trouble seems to be glimmering just out of sight...loved your line: His voice was compellingly urgent without being loud. I enjoyed the dialogue in this chapter - actually looking forward to the next one. Really nicely penned. AT=/
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
-
From a great fan of your writing, AT=/, this comes as high praise. I'm just so glad you stopped by and that you are aboard for the next chapter ... up as we speak!
-
Whoa - will go a looking now. I just posted McBride Part IV as well. Boy, cannot keep writers down...can they?
-
Your Part IV was on my queue when I came back from the gym. I downloaded it in a hurry to get a chance at the 50% deal, and am saving it for afternoon read.
Comment from rjpurdy
Terrific mystery. Another example of Reuther's demonic magic? It's late in the game and dangerous for Doctrex to have any lingering doubts. An impactful short chapter that leaves the reader hanging on the meaning. Is it real or imagined? Of course I don't know how, but it feels like this is huge for what lays ahead in the near future. I find myself wanting to rush to the next post. I want the men unified and eager for battle. Way to keep me hanging on the edge of my chair mister!
This adds to the intrigue Jay, nicely done. Rod
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
|
Terrific mystery. Another example of Reuther's demonic magic? It's late in the game and dangerous for Doctrex to have any lingering doubts. An impactful short chapter that leaves the reader hanging on the meaning. Is it real or imagined? Of course I don't know how, but it feels like this is huge for what lays ahead in the near future. I find myself wanting to rush to the next post. I want the men unified and eager for battle. Way to keep me hanging on the edge of my chair mister!
This adds to the intrigue Jay, nicely done. Rod
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
-
Don't wait, Rod! The next post is up and gurgling. Thank you for hanging in there and showing evidence of a deep read.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay I don't know if I am Reading your story in the right order
I wonder how DOCTREX feels about how his solider see him has their Father?
Gert
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
|
Hello Jay I don't know if I am Reading your story in the right order
I wonder how DOCTREX feels about how his solider see him has their Father?
Gert
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
-
The tent episode came after a LOOOOONG speech to his men (over several chapters) it which he readied them for the realities of battle. He wanted everyone to buy into the brotherhood thing. I think the lingering subconscious doubt is whether they really want to look to him as their brother. Or did they want a father. This chapter addresses his doubts.
-
Thank you Jay for the information
Gert
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very interesting chapter with a great twist ending. I like the dialog as well
Doctrex is the head honcho. No one would wake him at three AM unless it was critical. No way he'd tell them to come back in the morning! They are at war! He'd be on his feet in seconds!
This is just picky but it bothered me. He backs into a dark tent with his torch, turns, replaces Doctrex's extinguished torch with his light. "The tent filled with light." Why isn't the tent filled with light when he first enters?
Good chapter and lead to the next.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
|
Very interesting chapter with a great twist ending. I like the dialog as well
Doctrex is the head honcho. No one would wake him at three AM unless it was critical. No way he'd tell them to come back in the morning! They are at war! He'd be on his feet in seconds!
This is just picky but it bothered me. He backs into a dark tent with his torch, turns, replaces Doctrex's extinguished torch with his light. "The tent filled with light." Why isn't the tent filled with light when he first enters?
Good chapter and lead to the next.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
-
Well, the way I visualized it ... (and I may be a TAD myopic) it took putting the torch in the sconce to really give a full-tent light fill. Thanks for being here, Ray. The next three chapters are my particular favorites, just from the raw energy of them. The first one I just posted and the other two will probably be next week.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay,
If I were a speculative person, I would have to say that it would appear as if Glnot is at work and he's messing with my Doctrex! Grrrrr!
Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
Hi, Jay,
If I were a speculative person, I would have to say that it would appear as if Glnot is at work and he's messing with my Doctrex! Grrrrr!
Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Thanks, Jax. Yes, methinks Glnot is somewhere squirreling in Doctrex's mind. By the way, congratulations on passing my other good friend Barbara in the Novel rankings. I've given up catching up with you, but she's catchable. Love a challenge.
-
Thx Jay -- I appreciate it.
BUT, not at the rate I'm going will I stay there very long. I just had to email Tom again. I've been trying to post Chapter 3 to my contest novel since 6:00. I will not let me save anything past the chapter and copy/paste chapter. Can't upload artwork or save anything else. SOOOO, I disabled the chapter -- thought I was deleting just that one -- All the chapters are GONE!! I'm soooo mad. It's probably gone forever.
Not smilin' in Havasu.
-
But, Jax, you don't write directly on Fan Story do you. You copy and paste from word (or equivalent)? I don't see how they can be lost.
-
Yes, I copy/paste into FS--that's my problem. FS wouldn't let me save it. It kept said to reload. I have my story on my computer.
When I disabled it on the system, and thought I was deleting just the chapter, it deleted all three chapters from the system. It's all gone from FS!
-
I'm sorry, I guess I just don't understand the problem. It's a shame F.S. swallowed up your chapters. But, except for the time expenditure, can't you re-post it from your computer? That's where I'm confused.
-
Yes, I could start it again, but since it is a contest, I'm not sure. That's why I have an email into Tom. I have a feeling I'm out of the contest now. I'm hoping he can get them back from his end. I doubt it but it is worth a try.
-
Oh! It's maddening when it's a contest deadline. I'm sorry, Jax. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
-
I'm going to try posting Chapter 1 of 'Maybe Someday' first thing in the morning and see if I have trouble with FS again.
-
Thx. When I checked my contest, it said it was a deleted entry, sooooo ????
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
So, we are still fighting magic. I feel as if I'm in the tent with Doctrex because my stomach is just as knotted. I feel the tension increasing for the final assault, Giddy
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
So, we are still fighting magic. I feel as if I'm in the tent with Doctrex because my stomach is just as knotted. I feel the tension increasing for the final assault, Giddy
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Thanks, Giddy. Yes, but the real fighting will begin starting next chapter.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was pretty creepy. I liked the delliberate way you had the conversation go between them. I wasn't as supicious of Giln as I was of Sheleck. He did seem to be acting odd. Great imagery and the feeling of unease spilled over to the reader. Great job.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
This was pretty creepy. I liked the delliberate way you had the conversation go between them. I wasn't as supicious of Giln as I was of Sheleck. He did seem to be acting odd. Great imagery and the feeling of unease spilled over to the reader. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Thanks for stopping by Gretchen. You're gonna like the adventure that begins next chapter.
Comment from sibhus
Some good dialogue, Jay, it flowsa well and seems very natutaul as well as painting a small slice of the story. You can sense your characters emotions through your use of words. A good sense of suspense with the later part where he comes to realize that it's a dream. Sorta of like is his subconscious trying to warn him of something. Good chapter, Jay.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
Some good dialogue, Jay, it flowsa well and seems very natutaul as well as painting a small slice of the story. You can sense your characters emotions through your use of words. A good sense of suspense with the later part where he comes to realize that it's a dream. Sorta of like is his subconscious trying to warn him of something. Good chapter, Jay.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Thank you for your kind words and keen observations, sibhus. I like the way you review. I'm behind on my reviewer awards. As soon as the new supply comes in, though, I want to give you one for this. Yours is the kind of review that helps one grow.
Comment from royowen
Well, Doctrex is being set up by illusion, from none other than Glnot Reuther, none the less, great illusion Jay, I was actually believing that Giln and Sheleck were complaining to Their General until the laughter, nice setting up, Jay, look forward, as always, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
Well, Doctrex is being set up by illusion, from none other than Glnot Reuther, none the less, great illusion Jay, I was actually believing that Giln and Sheleck were complaining to Their General until the laughter, nice setting up, Jay, look forward, as always, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Gotcha! Glad it worked, Roy. I tried to keep it in question until the last. Thanks for noticing.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh My! This looks like trouble. I hope they do okay. I'm not sure they will be victorious, but they have to be. Doesn't good always win?
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
Oh My! This looks like trouble. I hope they do okay. I'm not sure they will be victorious, but they have to be. Doesn't good always win?
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
I'm from the Romantic generation where the good always win. But sometimes I like to throw a curve. We'll see...