THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "C O N F E S S I O N S"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
21 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
Doctrix does a good job putting himself in tune with the mindset of his troupes and letting them know that he understands what they are feeling and thinking.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Doctrix does a good job putting himself in tune with the mindset of his troupes and letting them know that he understands what they are feeling and thinking.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I love the way you homed in on the whole reason behind his speech. Thank you for your close read, Maria.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is wonderfully written. I am ready to do battle I was so moved by the speech he gave the men. Brilliant to have this talk with them now and get each one to make peace with his own personal demons of fear. Strategically perfect to do it now and highlight the prophesy specifically as a cause of doubts which might erode courage when courage would be needed most. I have one suggestion and feel free to slap me around for such a silly suggestion: "We're all in this together, my brothers. We're all brothers, together, under a common cause" - I wonder if instead of using brothers a second time it would not have more impact to use united, together under a common cause? Just a thought. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This is wonderfully written. I am ready to do battle I was so moved by the speech he gave the men. Brilliant to have this talk with them now and get each one to make peace with his own personal demons of fear. Strategically perfect to do it now and highlight the prophesy specifically as a cause of doubts which might erode courage when courage would be needed most. I have one suggestion and feel free to slap me around for such a silly suggestion: "We're all in this together, my brothers. We're all brothers, together, under a common cause" - I wonder if instead of using brothers a second time it would not have more impact to use united, together under a common cause? Just a thought. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Slap you around? If you go back there, you'll find I adopted your suggestion. Thank you for it, and bless you for honoring the chapter with a 6th star. I applaud you for the depth with which you read it and the conclusions at which you arrived regarding the effects of Doctrex's speech on the troops. God, I like Doctrex. And, I like even more that I thunk him up.
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He is one pretty cool dude!
Comment from rjpurdy
Although inspiring, this feels like a break from the anticipation, an important one. I really aprreciate your characterization of Doctrex. You have mastered his psyche in a beautiful way. The reason he is such an effective leader is because of his humility. He is smart enough to let the men see his humanity in all its flaws. He takes a big risk doing this, but it is an insightful calculated risk that will garner loyalty...to the death! Awesome writing Jay, your style is captivating, cerebral and believeable.
~Peace & Grace my friend~ Rod
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Although inspiring, this feels like a break from the anticipation, an important one. I really aprreciate your characterization of Doctrex. You have mastered his psyche in a beautiful way. The reason he is such an effective leader is because of his humility. He is smart enough to let the men see his humanity in all its flaws. He takes a big risk doing this, but it is an insightful calculated risk that will garner loyalty...to the death! Awesome writing Jay, your style is captivating, cerebral and believeable.
~Peace & Grace my friend~ Rod
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Thank you, my dear friend. I would love to launch right into the action, but without developing the deep-level allegiance with his men and theirs for him, the action would be losing much of its impact. Always appreciate your take on the chapter.
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I couldn't agree with you more. This attention to detail is what keeps the story alluring.
Rod
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Jay. It is getting more and more eiry and more things are on the line. This whole numbers thing, that would spook any army, the voice in the head. I like that Braims says..it doesn"t have much imagination...it makes it less scary and more like a bad attempt at sayng booo
padumachittta
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hi Jay. It is getting more and more eiry and more things are on the line. This whole numbers thing, that would spook any army, the voice in the head. I like that Braims says..it doesn"t have much imagination...it makes it less scary and more like a bad attempt at sayng booo
padumachittta
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I love that, Padumachitta. It might even find its way into the final edit! I can picture Braims following up with that: "...just his inept attempt at saying, 'Booooo'" Yep, not a bad idea!
Thanks, Padumachitta! You are SOOOO needed here.
Jay
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:-) thanks buddy..
Comment from Fridayauthor
A good chapter with a good speech.
The wording of what he had to say was well written.
What about the advance intelligent guys? I Haven't heard from them in a time.
Thanks, Jay. A nice chapter before the action!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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A good chapter with a good speech.
The wording of what he had to say was well written.
What about the advance intelligent guys? I Haven't heard from them in a time.
Thanks, Jay. A nice chapter before the action!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Advance Intelligence guys? Who dey? LOL, you know... honestly, I -- uh -- I don't know. One will have a part in a later chapter, but not in his role as an AIM. I can't say more, but your concern is (IT REALLY IS) noted and will play a big part in the final edit. Little oversights are like raisins in oatmeal cookies. Ya always leave the batter moist enough to add them in during the final mix. Do I sound a little like Forest ... Forest Gump?
Comment from Walter L. Jones
A star or a .. oh the support, speak or forever, and we feel the added, anyone who has been cold, even the animals, cool play with human, and then among the ranks, yes, ready to get some action, maybe warm... good write.. Walt
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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A star or a .. oh the support, speak or forever, and we feel the added, anyone who has been cold, even the animals, cool play with human, and then among the ranks, yes, ready to get some action, maybe warm... good write.. Walt
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Many many thanks, Walt for your support for this novel. I really appreciate you.
Comment from krprice
I smiled. "Good for you, soldier. . . "I'll try to b brief so you men can get your tents up, climb in them, and get some sleep."
Try to avoid saw, felt, heard, and smelled.
Good chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I smiled. "Good for you, soldier. . . "I'll try to b brief so you men can get your tents up, climb in them, and get some sleep."
Try to avoid saw, felt, heard, and smelled.
Good chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Karlene. I'm trying to understand why you included the line beginning: I smiled...
Comment from c_lucas
Mass hysteria is an ideal weapon of war. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Mass hysteria is an ideal weapon of war. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. I'm building for something. Join me?
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from country ranch writer
the head is a very complex thing and in battle things start seeping into your head that shouldn't be. It is like the devil himself is egging you on
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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the head is a very complex thing and in battle things start seeping into your head that shouldn't be. It is like the devil himself is egging you on
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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So happy to have you back reading my novel, B.J. I'm building for a dynamite scene a half-dozen chapters hence, and all this is necessary prelim.
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cool
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay,
I like Doctrex talking to the men. Makes it more personable toward his men, which in turn will gain him more dedication form his guys
Them voices, though, Braims may being say too much right before a battle.
Good chapter!
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hi, Jay,
I like Doctrex talking to the men. Makes it more personable toward his men, which in turn will gain him more dedication form his guys
Them voices, though, Braims may being say too much right before a battle.
Good chapter!
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I always worry about Doctrex getting too speechy, especially with it being an action fantasy. Something's coming up that you won't believe (although I'll make it credible), but it all depends on the effect on the reader of Doctrex's speech. Like my friend Jax says, Zip-lock!
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Okay, I say it, yes, BUT you don't have to stay quiet. Honest, I won't tell anybody! (*.*)
