Cellophane Child
a fairy story ... without fairies ... (2321 words)66 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
WTH! I tried to six you, but the Rating box will only let me five you...arghhhh....Because of you I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start writing. xo
What an incredibly awesome intro! I am so incredibly impressed with your ability to cross genres and go from fairies to nasty teachers to abusive assholes! Well done! You have inspired me to get writing again. I have been so hung up on life in general, kids and such, but this story reminds me of the hundreds I could and want to tell. Thank you, Sharyn. You remain, absolutely amazing! xo
What an incredibly, wonderfully illustrated version of karma. What goes around, comes around is perfectly stated, yet understated, but we get the picture perfectly!
"Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch!" the man snarled. "And shut your fucking kid up too! Everyone's staring. They'll think you're murdering the little shit!"====I already hate this guy!
his face already reflected the ugliness that burned inside.====Good, I hope his face freezes like that!
up, up, up, until eventually she could pop out into nothing but deep, dark purple sky and streaks of glorious stars.
=====BEAUTIFUL!
She took on their colors, but never her own.====fabulous!
very nasty rap music - you know the kind I mean -===yes, unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about...
Isadora Duncan-style death. ===served him right!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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WTH! I tried to six you, but the Rating box will only let me five you...arghhhh....Because of you I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start writing. xo
What an incredibly awesome intro! I am so incredibly impressed with your ability to cross genres and go from fairies to nasty teachers to abusive assholes! Well done! You have inspired me to get writing again. I have been so hung up on life in general, kids and such, but this story reminds me of the hundreds I could and want to tell. Thank you, Sharyn. You remain, absolutely amazing! xo
What an incredibly, wonderfully illustrated version of karma. What goes around, comes around is perfectly stated, yet understated, but we get the picture perfectly!
"Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch!" the man snarled. "And shut your fucking kid up too! Everyone's staring. They'll think you're murdering the little shit!"====I already hate this guy!
his face already reflected the ugliness that burned inside.====Good, I hope his face freezes like that!
up, up, up, until eventually she could pop out into nothing but deep, dark purple sky and streaks of glorious stars.
=====BEAUTIFUL!
She took on their colors, but never her own.====fabulous!
very nasty rap music - you know the kind I mean -===yes, unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about...
Isadora Duncan-style death. ===served him right!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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oh thank you so much jj! Believe me, I know what it's like when life takes over for a while my dear! I'm delighted with your virtual sixer and more delighted to get you to pick up your pen again! :))Sharyn
Comment from JB Lynn
"It was soft, and smelled of sunlight and all things good..." I really like using sunlight as a metaphor for good.
"...his face already reflected the ugliness that burned inside." - this is very vivid and paints a sharp image with very few words. Well done.
"...She took on their colors, but never her own." - Wow, this is so heartbreakingly revealing about your character.
"Aaah...the power of Purple." I love this line! I think it's my favorite in the whole story.
I enjoyed how you tied the image of the white wings the narrator imagines when she's a teenager to the egrets she summons when she's older. I had no idea what a "fairy story with no fairies" was, but if this is any kind of example, I think I like it. Thank you so much for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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"It was soft, and smelled of sunlight and all things good..." I really like using sunlight as a metaphor for good.
"...his face already reflected the ugliness that burned inside." - this is very vivid and paints a sharp image with very few words. Well done.
"...She took on their colors, but never her own." - Wow, this is so heartbreakingly revealing about your character.
"Aaah...the power of Purple." I love this line! I think it's my favorite in the whole story.
I enjoyed how you tied the image of the white wings the narrator imagines when she's a teenager to the egrets she summons when she's older. I had no idea what a "fairy story with no fairies" was, but if this is any kind of example, I think I like it. Thank you so much for sharing!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Bless you JB - so glad you enjoyed it! :))Sharyn
Comment from Taffspride
Wow Sharyn what a story. Superbly written, flawless in it style, and flowed with ease.
I have been computerless for a few days, and am working on my old (and quirky) desk top which likes to crash often. But I am so glad it kept going for me to read and respond to your story.
I wonder how many others even know who Isadora Duncan is, let alone how she was tragically strangled in a car when she was a passenger.
A great outcome to your story, quite miraculous really.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Wow Sharyn what a story. Superbly written, flawless in it style, and flowed with ease.
I have been computerless for a few days, and am working on my old (and quirky) desk top which likes to crash often. But I am so glad it kept going for me to read and respond to your story.
I wonder how many others even know who Isadora Duncan is, let alone how she was tragically strangled in a car when she was a passenger.
A great outcome to your story, quite miraculous really.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Bless you Ann - I'm delighted that you enjoyed it! I guess I should put something in author notes re Isadora Duncan, hmm?
:)Sharyn
Comment from Cornelius2000
Ah, what a lovely fantasy. And you set us up beautifully for the eventual explosion, and Mr Crud having lots of time to think about what a SOB he was as he took the plunge. Very smoothly written and easy (and fun) to read.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Ah, what a lovely fantasy. And you set us up beautifully for the eventual explosion, and Mr Crud having lots of time to think about what a SOB he was as he took the plunge. Very smoothly written and easy (and fun) to read.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Glad you enjoyed my - er - flight - of fantasy, Dave! :))))
Comment from DRG24
Ouch... That must hurt! When you first introduce Mr. Dregs there is no period after mister. A great story though! By any chance can you review my poem moving truck. Again great job
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Ouch... That must hurt! When you first introduce Mr. Dregs there is no period after mister. A great story though! By any chance can you review my poem moving truck. Again great job
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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"Mr" doesn't require a period in Oz/UK printing my dear, but does in America - poor Yankees work hard sometimes, hmm? thx so much for reading! and I'll certainly look up your piece! :)S
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Sharyn
Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch!" the man snarled. "And shut your fucking kid up too! Everyone's staring. They'll think you're murdering the little shit!"
This sure as hell got my attention and then held me to the last line. Yellow it is then because it will stay around for the long haul. Excellent. I regret I have used my 6's up
Bear
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Hey Sharyn
Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch!" the man snarled. "And shut your fucking kid up too! Everyone's staring. They'll think you're murdering the little shit!"
This sure as hell got my attention and then held me to the last line. Yellow it is then because it will stay around for the long haul. Excellent. I regret I have used my 6's up
Bear
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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oh bear, bless you! I always love those immediate hooks - my wonderful Grade 7 teacher taught me that - and I still remember her example. "Damn!" said the Duchess. And yellow is my favorite color ... Bless you, as always!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Sharyn,
The story was interesting and engaging. It had me hooked from the beginning and held me to the fascinating end. You did an excellent job with the story about a situation that has, does, and will continue to affect so many young girls and teens. Fathers sexually assaulting their daughters is a crime too seldom reported.
Curtis
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Sharyn,
The story was interesting and engaging. It had me hooked from the beginning and held me to the fascinating end. You did an excellent job with the story about a situation that has, does, and will continue to affect so many young girls and teens. Fathers sexually assaulting their daughters is a crime too seldom reported.
Curtis
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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sucks, hmm?? yes it does Curtis - but hopefully the story lifted you beyond that :)S
Comment from hurkad
colours do have magic in them and the way you have used them to portray your story is very creative and likable..beautiful written story:-)
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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colours do have magic in them and the way you have used them to portray your story is very creative and likable..beautiful written story:-)
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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thank you so much my dear! :)Sharyn
Comment from gramalot8
I love your great colorful language used throughout this piece. Great conversation and interaction of characters. You have a definite talent with unusual descriptive langauge that paints a gread visual of what you're trying to portray to your readers. Thanks for sharing with us.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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I love your great colorful language used throughout this piece. Great conversation and interaction of characters. You have a definite talent with unusual descriptive langauge that paints a gread visual of what you're trying to portray to your readers. Thanks for sharing with us.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Bless you gram! :)Sharyn
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
YES THIS IS WELL WRITTEN MY FRIEND A BEAUTIFUL STORY WHICH YOU BRING TO LIFE WELL I ENJOYED GREAT COLORFUL IMAGERY TOO REGARDS JILL
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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YES THIS IS WELL WRITTEN MY FRIEND A BEAUTIFUL STORY WHICH YOU BRING TO LIFE WELL I ENJOYED GREAT COLORFUL IMAGERY TOO REGARDS JILL
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Bless you too Jill - :)Sharyn