Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Toka Moon, Pt. 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from whispering fox
excellent twist to your story!you really showed how unrighteously evil satan can be!the story concerning the preist,after the fatality of the woman was wickedly conducted,showed that satan was at first attacking the church then the vulnerability of the preist!the story kept the reader's imagination in peril.especially near the end.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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excellent twist to your story!you really showed how unrighteously evil satan can be!the story concerning the preist,after the fatality of the woman was wickedly conducted,showed that satan was at first attacking the church then the vulnerability of the preist!the story kept the reader's imagination in peril.especially near the end.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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I appreciate your generous review and insights for my chapter, whispering fox. I've done a fair amount of studying the phenomenon of excorcisms/deliverance, so I'm very pleased at your comments for that. Clergy are especially at risk for demonic attacks. It's so important we pray for them, isn't it? Take care ... Bev
Comment from psalmist
What a great chapter, Bev. I have missed reading about Father Brian. So many things in this chapter I could relate to: The relationship he has with his dog reminds me of my mom and her little dog. My dad died, and they both mourned. Twinkle is especially sensitive to my mom's moods. As a pastor's wife, I can certainly relate to his feelings about being responsible for a healthy and giving congregation. As a mystic, I could understand his feelings in this paragraph: Normally he avoided the spring of secrets that formed the nucleus of his internal life. Although he'd experienced moments of other worldly bliss from fasting and extended prayer, the come-down to a leaden, gray world was the sheer hell of a 'dry' junkie. He preferred the indifference of purgatory.
And what an ending! Sent chills up my spine. Can't wait for the next chapter. Linda
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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What a great chapter, Bev. I have missed reading about Father Brian. So many things in this chapter I could relate to: The relationship he has with his dog reminds me of my mom and her little dog. My dad died, and they both mourned. Twinkle is especially sensitive to my mom's moods. As a pastor's wife, I can certainly relate to his feelings about being responsible for a healthy and giving congregation. As a mystic, I could understand his feelings in this paragraph: Normally he avoided the spring of secrets that formed the nucleus of his internal life. Although he'd experienced moments of other worldly bliss from fasting and extended prayer, the come-down to a leaden, gray world was the sheer hell of a 'dry' junkie. He preferred the indifference of purgatory.
And what an ending! Sent chills up my spine. Can't wait for the next chapter. Linda
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Dear Linda. This review is especially meaninful to me. I put a little of myself into that section you mentioned, and so am thrilled that you highlight that section. You are a such a kind and generous lady. I hope the folks in your congregation realize what a pearl of great worth they have in their midst. Love, Bev
Comment from bookishfabler
repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives. (This made me laugh)
The physical effect of the creature's telepathic response was like the terror of a fly trapped between two clanging church bellsNow thats a descriptive metaphor. Love it. Saw no nits or spags. Great chapter. I haven't read a chapter in a while
Hugs Book
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives. (This made me laugh)
The physical effect of the creature's telepathic response was like the terror of a fly trapped between two clanging church bellsNow thats a descriptive metaphor. Love it. Saw no nits or spags. Great chapter. I haven't read a chapter in a while
Hugs Book
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thanks, Book. I've not posted one in a while, so you're probably up to date. Had some personal emergencies come up.
Thanks for your great review, my friend. Always nice to hear from you. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Herb
That's a very readable plot line. One of the few times I've considered going back to the beginning, in fact, think I will. Compelling stuff.
Could probably still be polished in places, but that seems to always be the case, especially with ones own writing.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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That's a very readable plot line. One of the few times I've considered going back to the beginning, in fact, think I will. Compelling stuff.
Could probably still be polished in places, but that seems to always be the case, especially with ones own writing.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thanks, Herb. I really appreciate your very generous review and supportive insights. You are right on targe about not seeing the tree for the forest. Thank you much. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from micci
Cover-ups and revenge that is my type of story I love crime story yours is very well written and it is an enjoyable read, great job
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Cover-ups and revenge that is my type of story I love crime story yours is very well written and it is an enjoyable read, great job
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thank you, micci. I've been a mystery story junkie for years. So, it's fun to see if I can meet the challenges of the genre. Thanks for your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from WLHall
Wow, that ending got my attention. How scary is that? Great job with the writing and moving on with the suspense. You have done a terrific job of creating the character of Father Brian. His inner thoughts says so much about him and the situation he is in. No spags that I saw.
Wanda
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Wow, that ending got my attention. How scary is that? Great job with the writing and moving on with the suspense. You have done a terrific job of creating the character of Father Brian. His inner thoughts says so much about him and the situation he is in. No spags that I saw.
Wanda
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Wanda, thank you for your insights into my character's development. That helps so much! And I sure appreciate your support and generous review for this chapter. Thank you, kind lady. Bev
Comment from Titanx9
This first half of the chapter is extraordinary. The priest has so many angst; I wonder how he can direct a congregation. The story comes alive in a big way toward the end; it leaves the reader wondering who is scaring the priest? Conversely, is it all in his head, Great piece of writing!!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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This first half of the chapter is extraordinary. The priest has so many angst; I wonder how he can direct a congregation. The story comes alive in a big way toward the end; it leaves the reader wondering who is scaring the priest? Conversely, is it all in his head, Great piece of writing!!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thank you, Titan. Wow, what a great review. You're absolutely correct about Father Brian, how much is due to the stresses of his life crisis and how much is real? I love reviewers like you. So helpful! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Ashley Scott
I can only comment on this chapter since I'm unfamliar with the story. However, I thought you showed Father Bryan's internal struggle very clearly in regards to his church, the murder, etc. I enjoyed how you showed the frail, human side behind the priest which made him more believable to me. An interesting and eerie turn of events near the end of the chapter that I thought made an excellent cliff hanger close. This read very smoothly to me and I didn't notice anything in the mechanics to hinder this read. I'm not sure why you're going back and forth between the bold font, other than to show his thoughts, but that's inconsequencial. An intriguing read that drew me in to your tale. I've no suggestions. Nicely done.
Ash
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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I can only comment on this chapter since I'm unfamliar with the story. However, I thought you showed Father Bryan's internal struggle very clearly in regards to his church, the murder, etc. I enjoyed how you showed the frail, human side behind the priest which made him more believable to me. An interesting and eerie turn of events near the end of the chapter that I thought made an excellent cliff hanger close. This read very smoothly to me and I didn't notice anything in the mechanics to hinder this read. I'm not sure why you're going back and forth between the bold font, other than to show his thoughts, but that's inconsequencial. An intriguing read that drew me in to your tale. I've no suggestions. Nicely done.
Ash
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hi, Ash. Thank you for your great insights into the mechanics of this chapter. I sure appreciate the time you took to share your thoughts with me. The program that I first download into before pasting to the site, has some quirks. The small print is, perhaps, a bit small. So, I agree with what you are saying. Think maybe next time I'll use another program. I really appreciate your sensitive and generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from jjstar
Wow! This is a heart-stopper! I was on the edge of my seat, totally focused on this piece. It's unusual for me, because usually I have a phone ringing, a TV going, something to distract me! Nothing could take my attention away. Beautiful writing, plot, characters...It's got everything. I'm looking very forward to reading more!
Unbidden memories --love that description..
priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives.---ohhhh--great simile!
obey the urge to grab a figurine of the Virgin Mary from the mantle and hurl it into the flames. ==that is a very strong image!!
spring of secrets that formed the nucleus of his internal life. --just keeps getting better and better!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Wow! This is a heart-stopper! I was on the edge of my seat, totally focused on this piece. It's unusual for me, because usually I have a phone ringing, a TV going, something to distract me! Nothing could take my attention away. Beautiful writing, plot, characters...It's got everything. I'm looking very forward to reading more!
Unbidden memories --love that description..
priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives.---ohhhh--great simile!
obey the urge to grab a figurine of the Virgin Mary from the mantle and hurl it into the flames. ==that is a very strong image!!
spring of secrets that formed the nucleus of his internal life. --just keeps getting better and better!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, jj. I am humbled and honored by your fabulous review. The extra star is really so appreciated, and your insights lift my spirit more than you know! Blessings, Bev
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You're so welcome. I so appreciate excellent writing and that story that is able to transport and engage me completely! So excellent!
Comment from adewpearl
I really like the paragraph where he remembers the confession he found so repugnant
excellent use of similes
in this and subsequent paragraphs
You get inside his inner thoughts effectively as he talks to himself
Excellent discussion of the church's financial crisis and how that makes him feel
What an intriguing closing! Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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I really like the paragraph where he remembers the confession he found so repugnant
excellent use of similes
in this and subsequent paragraphs
You get inside his inner thoughts effectively as he talks to himself
Excellent discussion of the church's financial crisis and how that makes him feel
What an intriguing closing! Brooke
Comment Written 22-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Thank you, Brooke, for your very helpful and generous review. Your insights offer me a good feel for how I'm doing with this novel. I appreciate that very much. Warm regards, Bev