Scum Sucks
Corrupted youth proclaim decaying matter14 total reviews
Comment from kathryn85
Am I old or what? I didn't get the point. I know to come up with thoughts that are out of my comprehension does not make them unworthy. I think just for the 'deepness' of what you were trying to say gives you the right to receive a notable review and I am trying. "Browned off scum sucks life." I just don't see the connection to life. "Young bud blast shoot the earth down." I picture a sprout pushing through the earth but I am not sure that is what you are saying and the last line?? Did you present it well? Yes, you did that and the picture was perfect. I was told not to worry about the content, just the structure however, I have to understand the message and this is where it fell short for me. I believe in you as a writer and probably a gifted one and I am anxious to read more of your work. Good luck to you.
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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Am I old or what? I didn't get the point. I know to come up with thoughts that are out of my comprehension does not make them unworthy. I think just for the 'deepness' of what you were trying to say gives you the right to receive a notable review and I am trying. "Browned off scum sucks life." I just don't see the connection to life. "Young bud blast shoot the earth down." I picture a sprout pushing through the earth but I am not sure that is what you are saying and the last line?? Did you present it well? Yes, you did that and the picture was perfect. I was told not to worry about the content, just the structure however, I have to understand the message and this is where it fell short for me. I believe in you as a writer and probably a gifted one and I am anxious to read more of your work. Good luck to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Hi kathryn,
My head is full of mush! I'm just a lumpy old spud that has to moan!
Double meanings are in every image and line. It is about disaffected youth written about as "young bud." The "browned off scum" saps the vigour and potential of new young lives. The "scum," is also an image of a waste loving organism that live off dead and living debris.You are right, "blast shoot," is both an image of the violence of a new bud bursting out and the violence of armed youths who cause harm. This is all by association.Hope this helps.
I feel so miserable now! I am in danger of disintegrating into pile of slush. I can smell the fungus from my rotting potato skin eating at my flesh.
-Grumpylumpy lives on
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Hi there Grumpy I am LOL you are so far over this 75 year old head. We didn't have any of those in the Applachian Mountains where I am from:) But I like you (smart, intellegent frien...and probably young.)You saw how I write and the two writings will never meet but thats what makes the world go around. I like you frien.
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Grumpylumpy you must be a man because no woman would admit that she was lumpy. I am curious of how old you are. I am 75 and I think there in lies the gap in our writing. However, it is a hoot to explore those differences. I want to be your fan too, as soon as I find a place to tell you. Bye
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Grumpylumpy you must be a man because no woman would admit that she was lumpy. I am curious of how old you are. I am 75 and I think there in lies the gap in our writing. However, it is a hoot to explore those differences. I want to be your fan too, as soon as I find a place to tell you. Bye
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Grumpylumpy you must be a man because no woman would admit that she was lumpy. I am curious of how old you are. I am 75 and I think there in lies the gap in our writing. However, it is a hoot to explore those differences. I want to be your fan too, as soon as I find a place to tell you. I do know how to spell 'friend.' Bye
Comment from jpafford
this is an excellent 575 poem...it is hard to be limited with so few words and still get your message across and stay in the rhyming method..good job
joanne
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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this is an excellent 575 poem...it is hard to be limited with so few words and still get your message across and stay in the rhyming method..good job
joanne
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thanks joanne. Just goes to show that spuds need a voice too!
I struggle in the dark where strange things grow. Some day I hope
to become a new potato and plant seeds across the world.
-Grumpylump
Comment from ibmeto
Great use of humour and language. Love seeing a potato as a character. Intresting double meaning.
Good luck on contest.
Don't get mashed
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Great use of humour and language. Love seeing a potato as a character. Intresting double meaning.
Good luck on contest.
Don't get mashed
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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My thoughts too! I need this. Give me a dignified purpose to rise above the slush of other stuff. Thanks for listening to my misery ibmeto.
Comment from happy to be here
Quite a gross little ditty that was not too pretty, but gave a good picture of what you meant. the photo was very well picked too! I could almost smell the spud!
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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Quite a gross little ditty that was not too pretty, but gave a good picture of what you meant. the photo was very well picked too! I could almost smell the spud!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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My head is mush! It's not my fault. Any time now I could disintegrate and turn into a fungus. Thanks for hearing my pain. Never forget me.
I wish I was "happy," too.
-Grumpylumpy