Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Letting Go."memiors from my life experiences.
66 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed reading your story. I can't believe you never told your mother you knew the truth. It seems your aunt/real mother would have demanded you back if she and the man she married broke up. You don't say what your relationship with Lori is today.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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I enjoyed reading your story. I can't believe you never told your mother you knew the truth. It seems your aunt/real mother would have demanded you back if she and the man she married broke up. You don't say what your relationship with Lori is today.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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she lives 2,000 miles away so I don't see her much. I didn't tell her either. thanks for the review.
Comment from Soledadpaz
What a sad tale on the one hand and such an uplifting one on the other hand. You found good people to care for you and raise you or rather they found you.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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What a sad tale on the one hand and such an uplifting one on the other hand. You found good people to care for you and raise you or rather they found you.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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thank you for the reyiew.
Comment from Ankh
Wow this is deep and sad. My wife ran away because she liked other men...a lot of other men. She left out 2 boys with me thankfully. I can really identify with this story. Well written with a good flow. :-)~
Seth
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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Wow this is deep and sad. My wife ran away because she liked other men...a lot of other men. She left out 2 boys with me thankfully. I can really identify with this story. Well written with a good flow. :-)~
Seth
Comment Written 06-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is a sad story. It must have been difficult to set out chronologically because at times it threatened to confuse me.
Good luck for the competition.
G
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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This is a sad story. It must have been difficult to set out chronologically because at times it threatened to confuse me.
Good luck for the competition.
G
Comment Written 06-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from Lady Jane
husband,Rob (needs space)
"(space needed) my aunt said.
Ah, this is well written and well...yeah! I don't know you well, but look forward to reading more of your writing. The conventions are strong, the story is bold and complete, and the entry is good. I too am in a similar situation...I am 38 and just meeting him for the first time though :) Enjoyed reading! Good luck
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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husband,Rob (needs space)
"(space needed) my aunt said.
Ah, this is well written and well...yeah! I don't know you well, but look forward to reading more of your writing. The conventions are strong, the story is bold and complete, and the entry is good. I too am in a similar situation...I am 38 and just meeting him for the first time though :) Enjoyed reading! Good luck
Comment Written 06-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from Jessica Bell
This is an interesting story, and I think you have a good concept. However, there are some technical issues with the piece that I think detract from the overall reading experience. Below are my suggestions for improvements.
Best of luck in your continued writing!
What do you mean she's there.*** Should this have a question mark?
"Yea, what do you mean?" *** Should be "yeah"
You see, I was meeting my Aunt Lori for the first time or, so I thought; I began to tell her about my history. *** "You see, I was meeting my Aunt Lori for the first time, or so I thought. I began to tell her about my history."
Even as a child I loved to tell the story of my life and a fresh set of ears was always welcome and my aunt seemed terribly interested in what I had to say.
*** "Even as a child I loved to tell the story of my life and a set of fresh ears was always wlecome. My aunt seemed terribly interested in what I had to say."
"I was left in a foster home by my mother when I was three." I recounted.
*** Comma instead of period after the word three.
I remember the day she left I asked her are you coming back?"*** " I remember the day she left I asked her 'Are you coming back?'"
"See I didn't lie,"My aunt said. *** My should be lowercase.
Don't ask me how? *** Period instead of question mark.
This man who was separating me from the only thing I had in the world. *** This isn't a complete sentence. Should it be combined with the sentence above it after a dash?
The sentences that begin with "You see" don't need to be in parentheses. It's valid background information that can be part of your story.
So I parked in front of them and stared at him.*** Eliminate the word "so"
I knew this would happen." My dad said loudly. *** Comma instead of a period after "happen"
"That's it. You have your answer." he said. *** Comma instead of period after "answer"
"She seemed interested." I replied simply.
"Well you shouldn't do that." she replied.
*** Same with these sentences, and many others at the end of your story.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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This is an interesting story, and I think you have a good concept. However, there are some technical issues with the piece that I think detract from the overall reading experience. Below are my suggestions for improvements.
Best of luck in your continued writing!
What do you mean she's there.*** Should this have a question mark?
"Yea, what do you mean?" *** Should be "yeah"
You see, I was meeting my Aunt Lori for the first time or, so I thought; I began to tell her about my history. *** "You see, I was meeting my Aunt Lori for the first time, or so I thought. I began to tell her about my history."
Even as a child I loved to tell the story of my life and a fresh set of ears was always welcome and my aunt seemed terribly interested in what I had to say.
*** "Even as a child I loved to tell the story of my life and a set of fresh ears was always wlecome. My aunt seemed terribly interested in what I had to say."
"I was left in a foster home by my mother when I was three." I recounted.
*** Comma instead of period after the word three.
I remember the day she left I asked her are you coming back?"*** " I remember the day she left I asked her 'Are you coming back?'"
"See I didn't lie,"My aunt said. *** My should be lowercase.
Don't ask me how? *** Period instead of question mark.
This man who was separating me from the only thing I had in the world. *** This isn't a complete sentence. Should it be combined with the sentence above it after a dash?
The sentences that begin with "You see" don't need to be in parentheses. It's valid background information that can be part of your story.
So I parked in front of them and stared at him.*** Eliminate the word "so"
I knew this would happen." My dad said loudly. *** Comma instead of a period after "happen"
"That's it. You have your answer." he said. *** Comma instead of period after "answer"
"She seemed interested." I replied simply.
"Well you shouldn't do that." she replied.
*** Same with these sentences, and many others at the end of your story.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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corrections made thanks so much.
Comment from janeae
Wow! wow. What a story...Isn't it amazing what children know and how soon they know it... what an amazing effort to tell your story to us all. Thank you so much for writing. jane
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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Wow! wow. What a story...Isn't it amazing what children know and how soon they know it... what an amazing effort to tell your story to us all. Thank you so much for writing. jane
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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thank you for your review and the stars
Comment from Southern Writer
Interesting!
i think all little kids know things. They might not understand what they know, but there is a "sense of some knowledge"
I think in the next to last paragraph, there is a small mistake. I found it was hard to read the sentence.."again with my aunt being my real mother and guess what? The facts were real." I think it read a little easier.
I recently wrote an essay like this.....not sure I should have, cause like you I don't want my family to see it.
Good work.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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Interesting!
i think all little kids know things. They might not understand what they know, but there is a "sense of some knowledge"
I think in the next to last paragraph, there is a small mistake. I found it was hard to read the sentence.."again with my aunt being my real mother and guess what? The facts were real." I think it read a little easier.
I recently wrote an essay like this.....not sure I should have, cause like you I don't want my family to see it.
Good work.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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thank you
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thank you
Comment from RebelRose
This is a sad story that could have turned out differently if you had only known a few things early on. Quite an interesting story. Very well written.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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This is a sad story that could have turned out differently if you had only known a few things early on. Quite an interesting story. Very well written.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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thank you
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thank you
Comment from pickthorn
This is a very interesting story. It makes me wonder...Is your real mother still living and will you talk to her about knowing that she is your mother? It is amazing how the mind can keep memories there from such an early age, not letting go... but I know that it's true. Yes, a very interesting story. I wouldn't be sorry if I were you. You were just a child and reacted the way a child should act. This is a very well written story. It kept my interest all the way through.
pickthorn
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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This is a very interesting story. It makes me wonder...Is your real mother still living and will you talk to her about knowing that she is your mother? It is amazing how the mind can keep memories there from such an early age, not letting go... but I know that it's true. Yes, a very interesting story. I wouldn't be sorry if I were you. You were just a child and reacted the way a child should act. This is a very well written story. It kept my interest all the way through.
pickthorn
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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thank you for the review