Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Challenge."memiors from my life experiences.
97 total reviews
Comment from Suzie Q
What a captivating story! I usually just read poems, but I'm so glad I read this. It had my full attention from beginning to end. Too many good spots to list. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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What a captivating story! I usually just read poems, but I'm so glad I read this. It had my full attention from beginning to end. Too many good spots to list. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thank you
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thank you
Comment from hfriscia
This is a great and enjoyable story...The way you wrote it, I can picture myself there, which is a good thing...I saw no mistakes in the piece...
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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This is a great and enjoyable story...The way you wrote it, I can picture myself there, which is a good thing...I saw no mistakes in the piece...
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thsank you.
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thsank you.
Comment from ThomasDennisC
keimosobie wow! what an awesome testimony.
1. Thank you for sharing such an humbling experience - it shows courage, strength, faith and victory.
2. I like the different emotions expressed.
3. I am glad to the fact that God turned an almost tragic situation to victory as both you and Samantha came through alive and you also quit smoking.
4. In the end God got the glory and the praise.
Beautiful. Keep up the good work.
restlesspen
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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keimosobie wow! what an awesome testimony.
1. Thank you for sharing such an humbling experience - it shows courage, strength, faith and victory.
2. I like the different emotions expressed.
3. I am glad to the fact that God turned an almost tragic situation to victory as both you and Samantha came through alive and you also quit smoking.
4. In the end God got the glory and the praise.
Beautiful. Keep up the good work.
restlesspen
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Thank you for that great review. It is much appreciated and I'm glad you liked it.
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You are most welcome. Keep up the good work.
Comment from Blinkyd
Terrifically harrowing story. It had me caught up in the waves with you and Sam. I was praying that she would make it out (I obviously know you made it out, or you wouldn't of been able to write it.) Thanks so much for the thrilling story. Great Job.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Terrifically harrowing story. It had me caught up in the waves with you and Sam. I was praying that she would make it out (I obviously know you made it out, or you wouldn't of been able to write it.) Thanks so much for the thrilling story. Great Job.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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your welcome
Comment from Tillom Gliss
I will start by saying that the story itself was exhilarating! I was riveted to my computer screen and literally found myself leaning in closer to the computer and then became aware that my eyes were opened wide. That being said, there is room for improvement. I personally found that the opening paragraph was weak; in fact, I almost clicked skip. The only reason I read on was because I saw that it was viewed by sooo many; I thought, surely there must be something past this paragraph and read on. I am glad I did. You were blessed with reviews by many who took their time to spell it all out for you...I nominated one of them myself I was so impressed. Congratulations on the all time best award!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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I will start by saying that the story itself was exhilarating! I was riveted to my computer screen and literally found myself leaning in closer to the computer and then became aware that my eyes were opened wide. That being said, there is room for improvement. I personally found that the opening paragraph was weak; in fact, I almost clicked skip. The only reason I read on was because I saw that it was viewed by sooo many; I thought, surely there must be something past this paragraph and read on. I am glad I did. You were blessed with reviews by many who took their time to spell it all out for you...I nominated one of them myself I was so impressed. Congratulations on the all time best award!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thanks I didnt need anyone to spell anything as I'm satisfied with it but thank you.
Comment from JMRoland
Hi keimosobie,
This story of yours was absolutely riveting. It held my interest all the way, and I loved the ending. It is of perfect length,and well written. If I were you, I would submit it to Guideposts. Well done.
JMR
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi keimosobie,
This story of yours was absolutely riveting. It held my interest all the way, and I loved the ending. It is of perfect length,and well written. If I were you, I would submit it to Guideposts. Well done.
JMR
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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guideposts?
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Hi keimosobie,
Guideposts is an inspirational magazine filled with stories of faith, courage and positive living experiences. You can learn more by checking out their website at www.guideposts.com
Glad you both made it back to shore.
JMR
Comment from InHisownwrite
This is a great piece!
It's real... it's emotional...it also teaches......
You vividly take a real life situation, sort of terrorize us as well.... But, we also learn something from it.....
It's ironic how situations can make you look at the fragility of life.....I'm so glad, that just like Job....
This test was all for the best.... God is good! Bryan
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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This is a great piece!
It's real... it's emotional...it also teaches......
You vividly take a real life situation, sort of terrorize us as well.... But, we also learn something from it.....
It's ironic how situations can make you look at the fragility of life.....I'm so glad, that just like Job....
This test was all for the best.... God is good! Bryan
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review and the stars.
Comment from Metal Head
Keimosobie
I read this piece late yesterday, but was too tired to really take it in. So I've come back for a second read, and here are my thoughts.
Firstly, what a nightmare situation to find yourself in either through bad luck, ignorance or arrogance. Thank God all are well and safe.
The problem I have with this piece in general is it lacks drama. It reads like a list, and reading a list can get pretty tedious after a while. I did this, I did that, I was doing this etc. A lot of the sentences are similar, and, to be honest, almost boring. Inject some drama by changing some of the words, paint a picture. Don't simply tell us the waves were five to ten feet high, tell us they were as high as, I dunno, a dump truck maybe, and that if you rode one wrong it had the power to smash a body to pieces. This would help me feel your trepidation of facing one, or your exhilaration at riding one.
I know other reviewers have gone into great detail regarding punctuation, passive voice etc, and done a better job of it than I ever could. I don't want to repeat what's been said, so instead I'll offer these thoughts.
Early on you mention your wife, and thereafter refer to both you and she as we; that's fine. But a bit later in that opening paragraph, you say we all went, but you've not introduced these people to us. It takes until the seventh paragraph before we're told who these folks are.
You tell us you'd done something you weren't proud of, but give no indication as to how much this has been troubling you. So when you explain about your mini breakdown and desire for Satan to take your soul, I thought it melodramatic, especially considering you were there with your wife and kids. If you really felt like that, some more detailed background about your state of mind leading up to this would reinforce your self destructive urges.
Why did you ask Sam not to tell anyone? Being irresponsible enough to get into that situation is one thing, but the poor must have been frightened to death. Asking her to not mention it, thereby depriving her of much needed support, further extends the torment. She nearly died, and you've asked her to keep it bottled up. That I don't understand.
As you can see, I've awarded this a three. A lot of people see that as an insult when in fact it merely means 'needs work'. Even though I've not pointed out all the problems others have, they still remain, and detract us from being absorbed by the piece.
Regards
Michael D
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Keimosobie
I read this piece late yesterday, but was too tired to really take it in. So I've come back for a second read, and here are my thoughts.
Firstly, what a nightmare situation to find yourself in either through bad luck, ignorance or arrogance. Thank God all are well and safe.
The problem I have with this piece in general is it lacks drama. It reads like a list, and reading a list can get pretty tedious after a while. I did this, I did that, I was doing this etc. A lot of the sentences are similar, and, to be honest, almost boring. Inject some drama by changing some of the words, paint a picture. Don't simply tell us the waves were five to ten feet high, tell us they were as high as, I dunno, a dump truck maybe, and that if you rode one wrong it had the power to smash a body to pieces. This would help me feel your trepidation of facing one, or your exhilaration at riding one.
I know other reviewers have gone into great detail regarding punctuation, passive voice etc, and done a better job of it than I ever could. I don't want to repeat what's been said, so instead I'll offer these thoughts.
Early on you mention your wife, and thereafter refer to both you and she as we; that's fine. But a bit later in that opening paragraph, you say we all went, but you've not introduced these people to us. It takes until the seventh paragraph before we're told who these folks are.
You tell us you'd done something you weren't proud of, but give no indication as to how much this has been troubling you. So when you explain about your mini breakdown and desire for Satan to take your soul, I thought it melodramatic, especially considering you were there with your wife and kids. If you really felt like that, some more detailed background about your state of mind leading up to this would reinforce your self destructive urges.
Why did you ask Sam not to tell anyone? Being irresponsible enough to get into that situation is one thing, but the poor must have been frightened to death. Asking her to not mention it, thereby depriving her of much needed support, further extends the torment. She nearly died, and you've asked her to keep it bottled up. That I don't understand.
As you can see, I've awarded this a three. A lot of people see that as an insult when in fact it merely means 'needs work'. Even though I've not pointed out all the problems others have, they still remain, and detract us from being absorbed by the piece.
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review and the stars.
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well I took heed to your suggestions and I was wondering if you could give it another look too see if my corrections made it better. I didnt want Satan to take my soul I new he couldnt and I wanted to prove that to myself. I didnt want her to tell her mother because her mother dosent have coustody because of an addiction and she is mentally unstable. But you are right I should have been more worried about her state of mind although like I said I dont think she new the danger we were really in. Thanks for your comments.
Comment from janeae
What a wonderful story! It was horrifying and exhilarating. wow. I can't imagine how you felt afterwards. With the story being real, it even carries more weight. please keep writing. jane
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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What a wonderful story! It was horrifying and exhilarating. wow. I can't imagine how you felt afterwards. With the story being real, it even carries more weight. please keep writing. jane
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review and the stars.
Comment from braveheart1951
this is an story. frightening for with a shark attack once when i was a little girl 3 years old. so it was as if i was there. i hope i never have to run into a shark, or a giant wave ever again. [very detailed. thank you for doing a great job.] i truely could believe this story as to be real.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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this is an story. frightening for with a shark attack once when i was a little girl 3 years old. so it was as if i was there. i hope i never have to run into a shark, or a giant wave ever again. [very detailed. thank you for doing a great job.] i truely could believe this story as to be real.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review and the stars.