Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "Chapter 14; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
57 total reviews
Comment from JimLee
Okay, reading this one chapter has got me hooked.
Now I will spend all night reading up to here.
Excellent writing. Interesting coming in during the "let it all hang out" conversation between two who's pride and circumstances have put up walls that seemed impenetrable and watch them come down as love and comfort with each other prevails. You are a good writer to this novice!!
Thanks
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Okay, reading this one chapter has got me hooked.
Now I will spend all night reading up to here.
Excellent writing. Interesting coming in during the "let it all hang out" conversation between two who's pride and circumstances have put up walls that seemed impenetrable and watch them come down as love and comfort with each other prevails. You are a good writer to this novice!!
Thanks
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you very much for your kind review.
Comment from L.lora
A wonderfully penned
post to your storyline.
It flows easily and your
dialogues support the narrative
completely. It is nice to see
Leya and Steven working on their
relationship; your scenarios are
realistic and everything seems to
be falling into line. no nits or spags.
Lora
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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A wonderfully penned
post to your storyline.
It flows easily and your
dialogues support the narrative
completely. It is nice to see
Leya and Steven working on their
relationship; your scenarios are
realistic and everything seems to
be falling into line. no nits or spags.
Lora
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RoxanneCrouse
In the beginning you have a lot of dialog but no description of the setting or the people. I have no idea where they are or if they are sitting, standing or hanging upside down from a rope.
How are these two sentences related to each other "She had you arrested. What about the night we spent together?" I think more dialog is needed it jumps to fast.
I couldn't read the whole thing it jumps around too much to keep up with it.
It's good effort don't give up. Keep writing.
You should have a short description of the nurse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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In the beginning you have a lot of dialog but no description of the setting or the people. I have no idea where they are or if they are sitting, standing or hanging upside down from a rope.
How are these two sentences related to each other "She had you arrested. What about the night we spent together?" I think more dialog is needed it jumps to fast.
I couldn't read the whole thing it jumps around too much to keep up with it.
It's good effort don't give up. Keep writing.
You should have a short description of the nurse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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There are only 33 pages left in the story. If my fans don't know what's going on by now, they never will. I invite you to read my other reviews. Thank you for your review.
Comment from bookishfabler
FS is a great palce. in one sitting you can read about a ghost, a past life, some poems, a wicked trol, a budding romance and just about anything. WHere else can you do that outside the library. Anyway, another great romantic scene, however a bit gushy at parts. Like cotten candy lollypops. LOL.
Really cool picture.
lots of hugs
book
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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FS is a great palce. in one sitting you can read about a ghost, a past life, some poems, a wicked trol, a budding romance and just about anything. WHere else can you do that outside the library. Anyway, another great romantic scene, however a bit gushy at parts. Like cotten candy lollypops. LOL.
Really cool picture.
lots of hugs
book
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I just took a huge hit for not describing my characters more.
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I guess because I know them by now. Tell that person this is a book chapter and if you described them everytime in each chapter, this would be a pretty dule book which would never sell. So there.
hugs Heidi
Comment from Thilophian
Dear Barbara Wilkey,
"Matt surveyed the situation. "I can't believe you'd risk your freedom. Showing up here wasn't one of your best ideas." He grabbed Peggy's arm, and dragged her from the room."
it is a great joy to go through your works, especially when I come across such dialogues as quoted above.
Regards,
thilophian
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Dear Barbara Wilkey,
"Matt surveyed the situation. "I can't believe you'd risk your freedom. Showing up here wasn't one of your best ideas." He grabbed Peggy's arm, and dragged her from the room."
it is a great joy to go through your works, especially when I come across such dialogues as quoted above.
Regards,
thilophian
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Your characters are authentic and realistic, which is the first attribute I look for in a good novel. Your dialogue is also descriptive and fast paced. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. Your characters are authentic and realistic, which is the first attribute I look for in a good novel. Your dialogue is also descriptive and fast paced. Well done.
Comment Written 17-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Another excellent chapter which made good reading. This is the advantage of posting a full length chapter. The reader moves with the story and gets involved.
I've run out of words praising your work. All I can say is you have a sure winner here and this book will be on theshelf soon.
I wish you good luck.
All I can say it happened early in your relationship, maybe she will understand.
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Another excellent chapter which made good reading. This is the advantage of posting a full length chapter. The reader moves with the story and gets involved.
I've run out of words praising your work. All I can say is you have a sure winner here and this book will be on theshelf soon.
I wish you good luck.
All I can say it happened early in your relationship, maybe she will understand.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from FredCollingwood
This seems to be working out the way I would have hoped. I'm not sure it peggy is going to be around much. It doesn't seem so. Excellent, as always.
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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This seems to be working out the way I would have hoped. I'm not sure it peggy is going to be around much. It doesn't seem so. Excellent, as always.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara
So now Peggy tries her hand again, but is foiled, yet again. Nice chapter, the path of this paricular love match certainly isn't running smoothly.
Well written, though you could try describing the food - boiled, unattractively served, colour, etc...
Patrick
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Hi Barbara
So now Peggy tries her hand again, but is foiled, yet again. Nice chapter, the path of this paricular love match certainly isn't running smoothly.
Well written, though you could try describing the food - boiled, unattractively served, colour, etc...
Patrick
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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I will consider describing the food. I thought hospital food was all the description needed. (LOL) Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Jonez08
Great chapter Barbara, so glad these two are working things out. I got warm and fuzzy on the ending. I look forward to the next.
Leya demanded pointing an (acussing) finger.
(accusing)
Steven called Matt, who hadn't left the parking lot and was immediately in Leya's room. He grabbed Peggy's arm and dragged her from the room.
(I was taken aback by this. Maybe you can make the transition a little smoother. Like having Steven try to calm the women and then call Matt.)
I can't believe someone like you would marry me."
(ahhh)
know, but look at this food. I don't have problems eating but I'm not sure this qualifies as food
(lol)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Great chapter Barbara, so glad these two are working things out. I got warm and fuzzy on the ending. I look forward to the next.
Leya demanded pointing an (acussing) finger.
(accusing)
Steven called Matt, who hadn't left the parking lot and was immediately in Leya's room. He grabbed Peggy's arm and dragged her from the room.
(I was taken aback by this. Maybe you can make the transition a little smoother. Like having Steven try to calm the women and then call Matt.)
I can't believe someone like you would marry me."
(ahhh)
know, but look at this food. I don't have problems eating but I'm not sure this qualifies as food
(lol)
Cassandra
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am off to check those areas.