Mark Betrays Mom
Adopted Son Gets Caught17 total reviews
Comment from Belinda
This is horrible,and I think the son is a pervert. But it would do no harm (and it is not a big fuss) for women to always lock their bedroom doors. You've written this well.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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This is horrible,and I think the son is a pervert. But it would do no harm (and it is not a big fuss) for women to always lock their bedroom doors. You've written this well.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thank you, Belinda. It is an extremely horrific situation. I agree that doors can be locked quite easily. It would have prevented this episode, for sure. Thanks for your comments and support. - John
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I have raised four boys, one is still at home, he's seventeen. I understand his raging hormones and he does do some really stupid things, but absolutely nothing that even comes close to this. I can't imagine any normal teenage male even considering it.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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I have raised four boys, one is still at home, he's seventeen. I understand his raging hormones and he does do some really stupid things, but absolutely nothing that even comes close to this. I can't imagine any normal teenage male even considering it.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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You are right. he key word is "normal". These characters in the story were certainly deviants. I've seen some of this type behavior when I was on the job and it can get quite bizarre. You can't even compare good kids to these type of psychos. Thanks for reading and for your comments, Barbara. - John
Comment from c_lucas
This is not my favorite genre, but you have written it and I am one of your fans, I will review the structure and forget about the content. This is very well written. I did not find any errors.
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This is not my favorite genre, but you have written it and I am one of your fans, I will review the structure and forget about the content. This is very well written. I did not find any errors.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
Comment from sugardog
Wow...so horrifying!! You did an excellent job on this frightful story. Good realistic dialogue and police procedure, as usual. You write these kinds of stories so well. I hope nothing like this really does happen...I know you said it did, but scary!! Good job, Dana
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Wow...so horrifying!! You did an excellent job on this frightful story. Good realistic dialogue and police procedure, as usual. You write these kinds of stories so well. I hope nothing like this really does happen...I know you said it did, but scary!! Good job, Dana
Comment Written 14-May-2010
Comment from Catherin Elizabet Belle
Thank you for writing about this difficult subject which could actually happen. The internet has opened a whole new and exciting world, but also a very dangerous world where preditors thrive. We would like to think that all women would be as resourceful as Mrs. Jennings but alas it isn't so. The dialog was so precise it drew the reader into the scene. Well written.
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Thank you for writing about this difficult subject which could actually happen. The internet has opened a whole new and exciting world, but also a very dangerous world where preditors thrive. We would like to think that all women would be as resourceful as Mrs. Jennings but alas it isn't so. The dialog was so precise it drew the reader into the scene. Well written.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
Comment from sandramarie
Hi there, Thesis. You've got a good story here with a strong message. I did notice a few problems:
As I reached for my cell phone on the bed, Robert ran at me, --you change point of view here.
Matt recognized the look when he saw his stepfather. --an adoptive father would be his father, not stepfather.
"You're going to have to come up with something better than that."
"She's your mother, you moron. Kids don't do that to their mothers." --These 2 quotes appear to be from the same person (the father), but it isn't clear. Perhaps some action or a speech tag would help clarify this. Also, the story feels a bit rushed. Perhaps some more action/narrative between the dialog would help.
Take care,
Sandy
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reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Hi there, Thesis. You've got a good story here with a strong message. I did notice a few problems:
As I reached for my cell phone on the bed, Robert ran at me, --you change point of view here.
Matt recognized the look when he saw his stepfather. --an adoptive father would be his father, not stepfather.
"You're going to have to come up with something better than that."
"She's your mother, you moron. Kids don't do that to their mothers." --These 2 quotes appear to be from the same person (the father), but it isn't clear. Perhaps some action or a speech tag would help clarify this. Also, the story feels a bit rushed. Perhaps some more action/narrative between the dialog would help.
Take care,
Sandy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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THanks Sandy, I've made the edits. Thank you for pointing the issues out. - Thesis
Comment from spellbound
(Jim was furious when he arrived at the police station. He was led to the interrogation room where Matt was being held. Matt recognized the look when he saw his stepfather.) name change for Mark? from this point on. But does agree with the title.
Excellent read. Kept my attention to the end. Very descriptive, great dialogue, and a topic, I also believes needs to be at the forefront. I'm constantly watching our children to ensure they don't put stuff online that will endanger them.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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(Jim was furious when he arrived at the police station. He was led to the interrogation room where Matt was being held. Matt recognized the look when he saw his stepfather.) name change for Mark? from this point on. But does agree with the title.
Excellent read. Kept my attention to the end. Very descriptive, great dialogue, and a topic, I also believes needs to be at the forefront. I'm constantly watching our children to ensure they don't put stuff online that will endanger them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thanks, spellbound. I edited the name. I have two characters with close names in different stories. Thanks for reading. - Thesis