Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Chapter 9; part three"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from dragonqueen1983
this is a great chapter. its well writen and follows it perfectly. i am readlly enjoying reading this story develope. well done
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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this is a great chapter. its well writen and follows it perfectly. i am readlly enjoying reading this story develope. well done
Comment Written 01-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Mariea
Another good chapter Barbara. Kept me interested all the way. Characters kept consistent throughout and no 'spags' that were apparent. I look forward to the next one.
Have a great day
Regards Mia
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Another good chapter Barbara. Kept me interested all the way. Characters kept consistent throughout and no 'spags' that were apparent. I look forward to the next one.
Have a great day
Regards Mia
Comment Written 01-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb, so now it's out that peggy is involved. At least now she won't harass them anymore. See some notes:
Steven took the [oppotunity] to finally shower and shave. - opportunity
As his hand reached for the door handle, - 'As he reached' not 'his hand reached'
That marriage is only one of convenience." Peggy paused, then asked, "Are you in love with her?" - the doctor is not supposed to know the reason for the marriage, right? Peggy shouldn't have mentioned that.
Steven and Ralph [were told] Matt had received an intelligence report that the Vegas Cartel might move against Leya. Bob, Jim, Derek, and the special reaction team [were told] a huge drug deal was going down at the abandoned house. - suggest change this part using active sentences. Who gave the info?
His heart sank when she didn't [answer] immediately answer. - delete
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Hi barb, so now it's out that peggy is involved. At least now she won't harass them anymore. See some notes:
Steven took the [oppotunity] to finally shower and shave. - opportunity
As his hand reached for the door handle, - 'As he reached' not 'his hand reached'
That marriage is only one of convenience." Peggy paused, then asked, "Are you in love with her?" - the doctor is not supposed to know the reason for the marriage, right? Peggy shouldn't have mentioned that.
Steven and Ralph [were told] Matt had received an intelligence report that the Vegas Cartel might move against Leya. Bob, Jim, Derek, and the special reaction team [were told] a huge drug deal was going down at the abandoned house. - suggest change this part using active sentences. Who gave the info?
His heart sank when she didn't [answer] immediately answer. - delete
Comment Written 01-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I will get on those mistakes.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent as ususal.
The story is moving fast and had me riveted.
Drug cartel, love triangle and action all mixed nicely to make a tasty broth of the story.
Pity we've to wait for the weekend to read the next part.
Normally, in your posts, everything will be in its right place, with even a comma and colon in the right place. This time however, a small typo crept in.
His heart sank when she didn't answer immediately answer.
Answer twice here.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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Excellent as ususal.
The story is moving fast and had me riveted.
Drug cartel, love triangle and action all mixed nicely to make a tasty broth of the story.
Pity we've to wait for the weekend to read the next part.
Normally, in your posts, everything will be in its right place, with even a comma and colon in the right place. This time however, a small typo crept in.
His heart sank when she didn't answer immediately answer.
Answer twice here.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010
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I had rewritten that area and didn't get everything deleted. I will get on it immmediately. I hate it when things aren't right. Thank you for catching it.
Comment from Max Edon
I thought that this chapter was very well written. The tension built up nicely in this. The characters are all very interesting and realistic.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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I thought that this chapter was very well written. The tension built up nicely in this. The characters are all very interesting and realistic.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You are welcome!
Comment from eliz100
This chapter is well-written as usual. It was worth the wait. I did not think Peggy was the spy so you surprised me. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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This chapter is well-written as usual. It was worth the wait. I did not think Peggy was the spy so you surprised me. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Peggy will be seen again. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from empire76
- After he shaved, showered[,] and changed, he headed
that comma isn't needed
- Consider doing the '117 Maple Street' part in Peggy's POV
- On Saturday, Joe and Matt waited anxiously to see if Peggy took the bait. In case she did, Matt, Bob, Joe, Jim, and Derek hid in a wooded area surrounding the house,
This part can be tightened up. The following suggestion takes out two words, but I'm sure if your play with it you'll come up with something better
On Saturday, Joe and Matt waited anxiously to see if Peggy took the bait. Along with Bob, Jim and Derek, they hid in a wooded area surrounding the house,
Cheers
Empi
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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- After he shaved, showered[,] and changed, he headed
that comma isn't needed
- Consider doing the '117 Maple Street' part in Peggy's POV
- On Saturday, Joe and Matt waited anxiously to see if Peggy took the bait. In case she did, Matt, Bob, Joe, Jim, and Derek hid in a wooded area surrounding the house,
This part can be tightened up. The following suggestion takes out two words, but I'm sure if your play with it you'll come up with something better
On Saturday, Joe and Matt waited anxiously to see if Peggy took the bait. Along with Bob, Jim and Derek, they hid in a wooded area surrounding the house,
Cheers
Empi
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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After he shaved, showered[,] and changed, he headed
that comma isn't needed (My grammar books list that comma as needed. I notice some people on FS have it there and others don't. I guess I will leave that up to the editor. Thank you for your review. I will get on the other problems.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Excellent chapter. I liked the way the team planted the information on Leya for bait for Peggy. This lady really does have issues, but I begin to suspect something much more sinister.
Patrick
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Excellent chapter. I liked the way the team planted the information on Leya for bait for Peggy. This lady really does have issues, but I begin to suspect something much more sinister.
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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You are right. We have not seen the end of Peggy. Thank you for your support and review.
Comment from ZigzagMLT
This is good, plot-wise. You've set it up and carried it out. At the same time, you took the easy route and really did not let us know the ins and outs of the operation. It sounded like a grocery list of whos and whats.
I would be interested in knowing, feeling, more outside of the love affair between your main characters. Life is a lot more complicated than that.
Your writing is interesting, and I have enjoyed the chapters. I know that you can take this to another level.
Thanks for the read!
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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This is good, plot-wise. You've set it up and carried it out. At the same time, you took the easy route and really did not let us know the ins and outs of the operation. It sounded like a grocery list of whos and whats.
I would be interested in knowing, feeling, more outside of the love affair between your main characters. Life is a lot more complicated than that.
Your writing is interesting, and I have enjoyed the chapters. I know that you can take this to another level.
Thanks for the read!
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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This is a romance and the Task Force operations are secondary. I have been told that if it does not move the romance along, it should not be there. The operation happened, and is required to show Steven's emerging feelings for Leya, but the ditails to not move the romance along. Thank you for your review.
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That works. Thanks for clarifying your choice! Z
Comment from FredCollingwood
I've been away for a couple of weeks (on a big boat). Glad to be able to catch up. I enjoyed reading this one as I do, all of yours.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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I've been away for a couple of weeks (on a big boat). Glad to be able to catch up. I enjoyed reading this one as I do, all of yours.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review. I wondered where you have been.
