Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Chapter 9; part two"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
53 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb, another fine chapter, but when are they going to talk about love? :)
Her statement confused him. "I'd never come in your room through a window." - LOL, he's really one with such innocent mind.
"I love swimming. Can we stop by a store on the way to the house?" She grinned and teased, "Unless you want me to swim nude." - you used 'teased' a few times in this chapter. You can actually leave the word out. No need to tell us. We know from the dialogue that she's teasing.
The doctor entered. "Major Albright, I need to run some tests on [Mrs. Albright]. - just wondering why the doctor keep calling her Mrs. Albright. Here he can just address her as 'your wife'.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Hi barb, another fine chapter, but when are they going to talk about love? :)
Her statement confused him. "I'd never come in your room through a window." - LOL, he's really one with such innocent mind.
"I love swimming. Can we stop by a store on the way to the house?" She grinned and teased, "Unless you want me to swim nude." - you used 'teased' a few times in this chapter. You can actually leave the word out. No need to tell us. We know from the dialogue that she's teasing.
The doctor entered. "Major Albright, I need to run some tests on [Mrs. Albright]. - just wondering why the doctor keep calling her Mrs. Albright. Here he can just address her as 'your wife'.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Will take care of those issues.
Comment from CKLA
I'm so glad to see Leya getting back to herself. You are building your story up at a wonderful pace. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Collette
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I'm so glad to see Leya getting back to herself. You are building your story up at a wonderful pace. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Collette
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Max Edon
I enjoyed reading this chapter because it had a nice, fast pace. The conversations sounded natural and convincing. The plot seems very exciting.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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I enjoyed reading this chapter because it had a nice, fast pace. The conversations sounded natural and convincing. The plot seems very exciting.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
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You are welcome!
Comment from bookishfabler
You made the cabin sound so appealing I'm ready to move right in. LOL.
Her eyes were almost as captivating as Steven had grown to love.
(make no sense. As Steven's love for her grew, maybe?
"We'll stop by a store, and you can get a conservative swimsuit." (No comma)
hugs
book
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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You made the cabin sound so appealing I'm ready to move right in. LOL.
Her eyes were almost as captivating as Steven had grown to love.
(make no sense. As Steven's love for her grew, maybe?
"We'll stop by a store, and you can get a conservative swimsuit." (No comma)
hugs
book
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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I will get on it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from HAWordsmith
Well written and well edited. This is an interesting story, and you are developing the relationship between Leya and Steven very well. This was a pleasure to read and I can't wait to see what happens next. May your words continue to free flow and many blessings.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Well written and well edited. This is an interesting story, and you are developing the relationship between Leya and Steven very well. This was a pleasure to read and I can't wait to see what happens next. May your words continue to free flow and many blessings.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is another excellent chapter. It is getting time for Steven and Leya to admit they're in love.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Her eyes were almost as captivating as Steven had grown to love." This sentence seems cumbersome. I'd write, simply, "Her eyes captivated Steven."
Dave
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Barbara,
This is another excellent chapter. It is getting time for Steven and Leya to admit they're in love.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Her eyes were almost as captivating as Steven had grown to love." This sentence seems cumbersome. I'd write, simply, "Her eyes captivated Steven."
Dave
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Thank you for catching that. I appreciate your support.
Comment from fictionwriter
I think Steven just needs to admit to himself exactly how he feels, and then let Leya know so they can just get on with it. Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I think Steven just needs to admit to himself exactly how he feels, and then let Leya know so they can just get on with it. Great job.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I couldn't agree more. Thank you for your reveiw.
Comment from mshugh
Ready? Here we go.
healthy pink - nice tough - you're slaying two birds with two words her
Actually, this is a nice transition paragraph
Well done
Michael
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Ready? Here we go.
healthy pink - nice tough - you're slaying two birds with two words her
Actually, this is a nice transition paragraph
Well done
Michael
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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YEA!!!!!!!! I pasted inspection. Wow, I just wiped my brow. I can't handle this....Thank you for the review.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, a very nice chapter. Steven is taking it easy but one can sense the attraction here. When is he going to take the next step. jada needs some action here and is getting impatient. lol.
luv - me
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara, a very nice chapter. Steven is taking it easy but one can sense the attraction here. When is he going to take the next step. jada needs some action here and is getting impatient. lol.
luv - me
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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It will happen very soon. I think about three posts away.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I want that house! Where can I find it?
The sparkle in her large brown eyes revealed her excitement[no comma] as she watched him dial.
As he leaned toward her, she used both hands rubbing his five-day growth - to rub instead of rubbing?
"Of course[. N]obody ever comes to see me
Roberta
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I want that house! Where can I find it?
The sparkle in her large brown eyes revealed her excitement[no comma] as she watched him dial.
As he leaned toward her, she used both hands rubbing his five-day growth - to rub instead of rubbing?
"Of course[. N]obody ever comes to see me
Roberta
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I will take care of the errors. Thank you for the review.
