Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Chapter 6; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from Tellis
I haven't read many of the other chapters in this interesting story but I believe the agent is jealous of the girl Leya. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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I haven't read many of the other chapters in this interesting story but I believe the agent is jealous of the girl Leya. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. Yes, Peggy is jealous over Leya.
Comment from NightWriter
Merry Christmas to you too. "Chapter 6; part 3" is a well written chapter. I didn't catch any spaggies in there. There is a lot of movement between/action the dialogue which keeps things in motion and moving. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Merry Christmas to you too. "Chapter 6; part 3" is a well written chapter. I didn't catch any spaggies in there. There is a lot of movement between/action the dialogue which keeps things in motion and moving. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from djyarrum
Another chapter of this cleverly written story read and enjoyed. The plot promises so much and so far has delivered in spades. You are a talented writer who uses dialogue particularly well. I look forward to reading more. Happy Christmas David.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Another chapter of this cleverly written story read and enjoyed. The plot promises so much and so far has delivered in spades. You are a talented writer who uses dialogue particularly well. I look forward to reading more. Happy Christmas David.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review an kind words.
Comment from Gold Standard
Another marvelous chapter. I like the banter between Steven and Peggy. I assume this will go on for a while. Who is right, Peggy or Steven? Will Peggy's attitude get her into deeper water? Now there's a side story going on. Nice job.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Another marvelous chapter. I like the banter between Steven and Peggy. I assume this will go on for a while. Who is right, Peggy or Steven? Will Peggy's attitude get her into deeper water? Now there's a side story going on. Nice job.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Yes, and the side story will cause some problems before it ends. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from utopian_dream_x
I enjoyed this chapter. Your dialogue carries it along well. I found it to be well written and believable. Well done!
utopian_dream_x
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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I enjoyed this chapter. Your dialogue carries it along well. I found it to be well written and believable. Well done!
utopian_dream_x
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Laidy
BRAVO! Once again you have managed to blow me away with another chapter. This writer is constantly pulling my eyes to the next paragraph (if it was binded id say page). loved the read
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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BRAVO! Once again you have managed to blow me away with another chapter. This writer is constantly pulling my eyes to the next paragraph (if it was binded id say page). loved the read
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Brindle.T
Hello my favourite American!
Well, this is developing, isn't it!
I looked for spags and found none.
I looked for overuse of singular writing styles and found none...apart from one picky little matter that eventually began to irritate me a little, and that is, your use of italics to highlight POV thoughts.
I can't get my head around why I don't like that tool and any alternative I suggest may not be adequate, but to me it made your writing begin to feel a little, forced...
One POV italic thought concerns the carot of the diamond, and is in active voice...Hmmm, can't quite put my finger on why I don't like that, perhaps someone more learned has spotted it too? I could think on it some more, but I think my concern hides in this point somewheres..you are trying to convey what the ring looks like, in a thought process...
Its probably more to the point that I havnt really got a clue what I'm talking about... :)
I hope this helps
Tony
xx
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Hello my favourite American!
Well, this is developing, isn't it!
I looked for spags and found none.
I looked for overuse of singular writing styles and found none...apart from one picky little matter that eventually began to irritate me a little, and that is, your use of italics to highlight POV thoughts.
I can't get my head around why I don't like that tool and any alternative I suggest may not be adequate, but to me it made your writing begin to feel a little, forced...
One POV italic thought concerns the carot of the diamond, and is in active voice...Hmmm, can't quite put my finger on why I don't like that, perhaps someone more learned has spotted it too? I could think on it some more, but I think my concern hides in this point somewheres..you are trying to convey what the ring looks like, in a thought process...
Its probably more to the point that I havnt really got a clue what I'm talking about... :)
I hope this helps
Tony
xx
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thought is supposed to me in italics. I started using more of it because I was getting gigged for not showing my characters feelings. I used it for the ring because I wanted to get the description in because of a later family issue. I will recheck it and see if I can get the description in some other way. I am so happy to hear from you. I was missing you big time.
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You are almost certainly absolutely right, and perhaps my subsequent critique, ch2, highlights my concerns more...My remarks are at best nothing more than food for thought and I would urge you not to change anything on the strength of this one critique, but perhaps if others highlight something similar in a more erudite style, then you might look at it...
Yep, I'm back...lol, missed you too.
Tony
xxx
Comment from Rama Rao
I am new to this site and missed your earlier chapters. Now that I'm hooked, I'm going to read all of them in double quick time.
I find your dialogues are almost like a filmy script. I am sure that you can make a career of a script or dialogue writer.
U write VERY WELL without any sfags.
There is hardly any scope for comment except to say EXCELLENT.
Wishing u good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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I am new to this site and missed your earlier chapters. Now that I'm hooked, I'm going to read all of them in double quick time.
I find your dialogues are almost like a filmy script. I am sure that you can make a career of a script or dialogue writer.
U write VERY WELL without any sfags.
There is hardly any scope for comment except to say EXCELLENT.
Wishing u good luck.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you. Many reviewers have commented that my dialogue is what I do best. Thank you for the very kind words.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Steven is pictured from the beginning very well. This well written story has a lot of action and very interesting and believable dialogues. Very exciting, fuel chapter!
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the holidays time!
:)
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Steven is pictured from the beginning very well. This well written story has a lot of action and very interesting and believable dialogues. Very exciting, fuel chapter!
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the holidays time!
:)
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review and kind words.
Comment from nora arjuna
Peggy glared at Steven's wedding band. "Why are you still wearing that?"
Peggy is a nuisance! Steven has been really patient with her. Other man would have slapped her I think. Good thing he warned her though.
"I don't have time for these petty games.["]
Some drama here.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Peggy glared at Steven's wedding band. "Why are you still wearing that?"
Peggy is a nuisance! Steven has been really patient with her. Other man would have slapped her I think. Good thing he warned her though.
"I don't have time for these petty games.["]
Some drama here.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Darn those little typos. I will take care of it. Thank you for catching it. I appreciate your review.