Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Chapter 5; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from laurelp
Very good portion of the chapter. I've been waiting for it. I think it is Peggy that needs to put her jealousy and emotions into check. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Very good portion of the chapter. I've been waiting for it. I think it is Peggy that needs to put her jealousy and emotions into check. Nicely done.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from ladybird
A very short post but enjoyable. Peggy's really got it in for Leyla. Matt's right, Stevens feelings for Leyla will cloud his judgment for the job in hand
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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A very short post but enjoyable. Peggy's really got it in for Leyla. Matt's right, Stevens feelings for Leyla will cloud his judgment for the job in hand
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from rama devi
Hi there Barbara.
Thought I'd drop in a reciprocate since I appreciate your reviews of my work. :)
However, it is hard to give in depth feedback when I've only just jumped into the story line. I'll try to read more and give deeper critique when I can.
For now, I can say this flows well, the dialog seems true to life ad I find no spags.
One thing that I notice is you seem to tend to put speech tags before the words, like here-
Before ending the conversation, Matt asked, "Are your feelings for Leya under control?"
I'm not sure how well that works. I think doing that on occasion is fine but not as a standard. May be just me! Just mention, because I noticed it.
Sounds like an interesting story. Good luck.
Warm regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Hi there Barbara.
Thought I'd drop in a reciprocate since I appreciate your reviews of my work. :)
However, it is hard to give in depth feedback when I've only just jumped into the story line. I'll try to read more and give deeper critique when I can.
For now, I can say this flows well, the dialog seems true to life ad I find no spags.
One thing that I notice is you seem to tend to put speech tags before the words, like here-
Before ending the conversation, Matt asked, "Are your feelings for Leya under control?"
I'm not sure how well that works. I think doing that on occasion is fine but not as a standard. May be just me! Just mention, because I noticed it.
Sounds like an interesting story. Good luck.
Warm regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I got gigged a few posts for putting speech tags at the end. I don't have a clue.
Comment from adewpearl
Oh, Steven is in such denial - he has such a case of full-blown love. LOL Peggy, on the other hand, gets on my last nerve! ;-) You do a great job of creating characters who become real to me, be it my loving them or hating them - I can just feel Leya's frustrations right now, not to mention her disappointment that Steven has listened to Peggy, even a little bit. Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Oh, Steven is in such denial - he has such a case of full-blown love. LOL Peggy, on the other hand, gets on my last nerve! ;-) You do a great job of creating characters who become real to me, be it my loving them or hating them - I can just feel Leya's frustrations right now, not to mention her disappointment that Steven has listened to Peggy, even a little bit. Brooke
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I can take a deep breath now, the pro reviewed and it was acceptable.
Comment from Jordan Rose
Nicely done, Barbara. You're doing a great job portraying the jealousy that Peggy has and keeping Leya seemingly innocent. I have to say I'm liking Peggy less and less with every chapter! Jordan
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Nicely done, Barbara. You're doing a great job portraying the jealousy that Peggy has and keeping Leya seemingly innocent. I have to say I'm liking Peggy less and less with every chapter! Jordan
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Good. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for Peggy. Thank you for your review.
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Oh, I can't believe anyone would!
Comment from anabelle
Wow! Good chapter, again. I'm hooked! I didn't want this to stop. You're so good at keeping the tension, it's unbelievable. I hope you're planning to publish?
Just one thing I noticed. In the sentence: Peggy grabbed.....she yelled (,) slamming the door reinforcing (to reinforce) her point.
Looking forward to more.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Wow! Good chapter, again. I'm hooked! I didn't want this to stop. You're so good at keeping the tension, it's unbelievable. I hope you're planning to publish?
Just one thing I noticed. In the sentence: Peggy grabbed.....she yelled (,) slamming the door reinforcing (to reinforce) her point.
Looking forward to more.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate you kind words and continued support.
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Always a pleasure, barbara. :-)
Comment from L.lora
Excellent follow through from
the previous chapter. Very
well structures and presented.
I'm sure you've heard this before,
but when do we get to smack Peggy
upside the head. OK, even if Leya
is the mole, Peggy could use more
finesse', I guess she is just one
of those overly domineering personalities
that drives me bonkers... wow-- you've
done an excellent job if you can reach
a reader on that level--*smile*. Your
storyline remains strong and your dialogues
are spot on. Great stuff-- Lora
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Excellent follow through from
the previous chapter. Very
well structures and presented.
I'm sure you've heard this before,
but when do we get to smack Peggy
upside the head. OK, even if Leya
is the mole, Peggy could use more
finesse', I guess she is just one
of those overly domineering personalities
that drives me bonkers... wow-- you've
done an excellent job if you can reach
a reader on that level--*smile*. Your
storyline remains strong and your dialogues
are spot on. Great stuff-- Lora
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much. I am glad you hate Peggy, so do I. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from knowledge
Well written post. You story is moving along nicely. The plot is building up. I like the italics for the thoughts your characters are having.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Well written post. You story is moving along nicely. The plot is building up. I like the italics for the thoughts your characters are having.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review an kind words. I took me awhile to learn how to use italics on this sight, so thank you for noticing.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Peggy's really jealous! Dang, she just couldn't come up with any incriminating evidence ;p Liked this: I could never fall in love with a woman who lies and with a family tree full of criminals.---Famous last words, I say!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Peggy's really jealous! Dang, she just couldn't come up with any incriminating evidence ;p Liked this: I could never fall in love with a woman who lies and with a family tree full of criminals.---Famous last words, I say!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Very famous last words. Thank you for your review.
Comment from irishauthorme
Hi Barb, kind of stumbled over this in my reviews, and found it to be very well written, full of good dialogue.
I was impressed by the way you wove your dialogue in and out of the action, something that I am striving to do and get rid of all of those "she said," he said," interjections.
I will go back and read from the first so I can get a better idea of your story, but I like what I read.
Irish
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Hi Barb, kind of stumbled over this in my reviews, and found it to be very well written, full of good dialogue.
I was impressed by the way you wove your dialogue in and out of the action, something that I am striving to do and get rid of all of those "she said," he said," interjections.
I will go back and read from the first so I can get a better idea of your story, but I like what I read.
Irish
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.