The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "(5) Waiting! (6) The Verdict"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
27 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin Again
A great chapter,
a bit of sexy actions going on.
Liked the court room session and what is really good you didn't leave us on a ciff wondeting if Max was innocent or Guilty
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
  |
Hello Begin Again
A great chapter,
a bit of sexy actions going on.
Liked the court room session and what is really good you didn't leave us on a ciff wondeting if Max was innocent or Guilty
Gert
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
-
Gert
I am glad that you are enjoying the story. I appreciate your kind comments. CArol
-
You are welcome Carol
Gert
Comment from Phil Kitom
This is excellent stuff Carol and one that is keeping the readers attention. One thing I think that I would have considered is ending this chapter leaving the reader yearning to know the outcome and turn the page to the next chapter.
The Bailiff polled the jury, asking each individual juror by name if he or she agreed with the final verdict. Satisfied that the decision was unanimous, he continued, "Jury Foreman, how say you.
==========================================================
I noticed a slight error in this paragraph it should be ENTERED
The jury slowly filed into the courtroom, taking their seats. Reilly watched each juror as they (enter)the jury box,
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
|
This is excellent stuff Carol and one that is keeping the readers attention. One thing I think that I would have considered is ending this chapter leaving the reader yearning to know the outcome and turn the page to the next chapter.
The Bailiff polled the jury, asking each individual juror by name if he or she agreed with the final verdict. Satisfied that the decision was unanimous, he continued, "Jury Foreman, how say you.
==========================================================
I noticed a slight error in this paragraph it should be ENTERED
The jury slowly filed into the courtroom, taking their seats. Reilly watched each juror as they (enter)the jury box,
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
-
Phil
Actually the way it was originally written does do exactly that, but I just can't review enough to get these things posted so I combined chapters. The earlier I get this in the better because they are going to read them as completed. I don't want to be one of the masses. Thanks for your help and I shall fix them immediately. Maybe I should go back and make a separation where the chapters would have ended... Smiles to you, Carol
-
Just do what you feel is right :-)
Comment from Sarabran
I am enjoying this drama so much ! You are such a talented writer. It is getting more interesting with each chapter that I read. So glad that Max was found innocent of all charges. You have given me something to look forward too. I always check to see if you have written a new chapter to your novel. Sara :)
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
|
I am enjoying this drama so much ! You are such a talented writer. It is getting more interesting with each chapter that I read. So glad that Max was found innocent of all charges. You have given me something to look forward too. I always check to see if you have written a new chapter to your novel. Sara :)
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
-
Sara
Yeah, I was glad Max was found innocent too. Maybe a sequel is brewing for the hottie. I have posted Chapter 6 and await your response. i hope you like it. Carol
Comment from Queenise
This was a wonderful and heart-wrenching story. I liked the reuniting of old flames and the ending was marvelous. The flow,pace,rhythm,dialogue was great. Loved every minute of this. Would recommend. Queenise
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
This was a wonderful and heart-wrenching story. I liked the reuniting of old flames and the ending was marvelous. The flow,pace,rhythm,dialogue was great. Loved every minute of this. Would recommend. Queenise
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
Queenise
Thanks so much. I hope to continue posting the other chapters tomorrow or Sunday. since the site only allows 2 postings per day. Thanks for the review and I am pleased that you are enjoying it. Carol
-
You're welcome friend. I'll be glad to read the next ones. Queenise
Comment from MJMuraco
This chapter was also well written. I look forward to the next chapter to see what happens with Reilly and Max. Obviously, they are very hot for each other. You did a great job with descriptive imagery to portrait their passion.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
This chapter was also well written. I look forward to the next chapter to see what happens with Reilly and Max. Obviously, they are very hot for each other. You did a great job with descriptive imagery to portrait their passion.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
MJ
Thanks again. I really wanted to know if their connection was coming across realistically. I appreciate your input. Carol
Comment from melyuki
Oh mighty one, you have done it again. How do you produce such amazing stuff... I am so loving this story. It's the first non fiction novel I have read in .... well , many many years and you have me totally hooked. It must be good.
Thank you so much for not letting the jury plead guilty.That would have just crushed me.... and gorgeous Max too. This story is so well told, so emotionally satisfying and so exciting. Holds the reader's interest, on every line that's written. NO wasted material, to fill in the page. Well done Carol. YOu are a genius in your own right.... ( don't exactly know what that means, but sure sounds good. ). Well , you can go to bed and rest easy , knowing this chapter is 1220% success rating. Well done. Have a peaceful sleep and talk in your morning and my night. I'm heading out for the day now. lots of hugs from Mel. ( I haven't read this over, so if full of typos, excuse them ..... xxx )
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
Oh mighty one, you have done it again. How do you produce such amazing stuff... I am so loving this story. It's the first non fiction novel I have read in .... well , many many years and you have me totally hooked. It must be good.
Thank you so much for not letting the jury plead guilty.That would have just crushed me.... and gorgeous Max too. This story is so well told, so emotionally satisfying and so exciting. Holds the reader's interest, on every line that's written. NO wasted material, to fill in the page. Well done Carol. YOu are a genius in your own right.... ( don't exactly know what that means, but sure sounds good. ). Well , you can go to bed and rest easy , knowing this chapter is 1220% success rating. Well done. Have a peaceful sleep and talk in your morning and my night. I'm heading out for the day now. lots of hugs from Mel. ( I haven't read this over, so if full of typos, excuse them ..... xxx )
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
Mel
How could I possibly sleep now with my head in the clouds from your wonderful review. I am so happy that you think I've done it right! I just write what comes to me, but I truly enjoy what I do. My daughter read these chapters today (she's 30) and called screeching...I can't believe my mother wrote this stuff. I didn't think you ...I stopped her right there and told her I wasn't dead...just because at my age I don't broadcast everything like they do. LOL
You make my day or night...Talk later!! Smiles, Carol
-
Hey Carol , haven't headed out just yet and had to reply. I can just see the look on your daughter's face. all those explicit sexual inuendos, would have sent her hair six foot above her head. My son, had I written material like that, would be exactly the same. It is almost as if they are embarrassed . The other night my son rang to tell me he'd built this planter box in the back yard. He was so proud of his efforts he said he was going to take a picture of his " thing " and send it to my email.
Well, did I laugh. I said , oh that's great. always wanted to see a picture of your " thing". The phone went silent, while I roared with laughter. When I finally composed myself, he said. Well , I will send you a picture of my PLANTER BOX Mum...... I won't tell you what I emailed back, but I hope he got a darn good laugh from it. Have a great night Carol and tell your daughter to pull her hair down and get real. After all, we are still humans too, just a bit more worn than they.
hugs from Mel. xxx
Comment from fictionwriter
Another excellent chapter in the ongoing saga. You do tend to slip into different pov's in the piece. This should be written entirely in one pov, but the changes were obvious enough for me, and you should be able to get away with it. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
Another excellent chapter in the ongoing saga. You do tend to slip into different pov's in the piece. This should be written entirely in one pov, but the changes were obvious enough for me, and you should be able to get away with it. Great job.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
fictionwriter
POV is my downfall. If you have any suggestions please feel free to direct me. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Great chapter, Carole. Love the way you handle the lead up to the verdict. Even though most of your readers will already know what it is, it doesn't lessen the tension one little bit, because you have written it so well.
The two paragraphs beginning "Rising from her chair, he towered over her..." you switch to Max's PoV, and I think the change is a little too abrupt, especially since you go right back to Reilly's.
Great work; can't wait for the next installment! Hope you post 4 chapters back to back like you did with these! Great stuff. :)
John
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
Great chapter, Carole. Love the way you handle the lead up to the verdict. Even though most of your readers will already know what it is, it doesn't lessen the tension one little bit, because you have written it so well.
The two paragraphs beginning "Rising from her chair, he towered over her..." you switch to Max's PoV, and I think the change is a little too abrupt, especially since you go right back to Reilly's.
Great work; can't wait for the next installment! Hope you post 4 chapters back to back like you did with these! Great stuff. :)
John
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
John
I stumble with the POV so I will have to work with it some more. I think that is my biggest downfall. And I hope I can post some more, but it takes so much reviewing to be able to post. I prefer to offer more money because some will not read unless it's made worth their while. Others don't care. Me.. I start reviewing what ever comes up except I am not into the supernatural or science fiction writing. Thanks so much for the review and the suggestions. Carol
Comment from Sasha
Great chapter. Nice build up to the verdict and for someone who claims not to know how to write a sensuous scene, you seem to be doing quite nicely. I like this story and look forward to the next chapter. Very nice work.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
Great chapter. Nice build up to the verdict and for someone who claims not to know how to write a sensuous scene, you seem to be doing quite nicely. I like this story and look forward to the next chapter. Very nice work.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
Sash
I thank you ever so much for calming my nerves. I really didn't know what I was doing...just cleared out the cobwebs and remembered I guess. LOL My daughter read it and called me on the telephone, shouting..My mother wrote this. How do you know how to write it?" Well, I'm not dead!LOL Thanks for the kind review. Carol
-
Seriously, you are doing just fine. Thank goodness for good memories!!!!
Comment from BethShelby
Court cases facinate me. I'm glad your main character is a lawyer. It sounds like she is a good one. I enjoyed reading this. Are you writing it as you post? I assume you know where this story is going. I wondered since you say this is making you nervous.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
|
Court cases facinate me. I'm glad your main character is a lawyer. It sounds like she is a good one. I enjoyed reading this. Are you writing it as you post? I assume you know where this story is going. I wondered since you say this is making you nervous.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2009
-
Beth
I have written the majority of it but I am having trouble condensing it down to 10.000 words. The story line just doesn't want to fit and neither do the characters. Also, I wasn't sure about the sex scenes but they seem to be going over okay. Thanks for the review. Carol