Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 2 Part 5"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
37 total reviews
Comment from Freeflyer
The attraction is building between Leya and Steven, you can just feel it. There are still a lot of unanswered questions concerning plot but as it is early stages that is who you keep us interested. Keep 'em coming.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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The attraction is building between Leya and Steven, you can just feel it. There are still a lot of unanswered questions concerning plot but as it is early stages that is who you keep us interested. Keep 'em coming.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 29-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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I hope they can keep people interested. I promise all questions and even some new ones will be answered by the end of the novel. Thank you for your continued support.
Comment from RebelRose
This part, to me, is very well written as were the ones before it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and, as usual, it held my attention all the way through.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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This part, to me, is very well written as were the ones before it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and, as usual, it held my attention all the way through.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from Mariea
Another good chapter Barbara. Character's and dialogue still constant. Only the following typo evident.
Line starting 'As the two men'?
Have a great day.
Regards Mia
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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Another good chapter Barbara. Character's and dialogue still constant. Only the following typo evident.
Line starting 'As the two men'?
Have a great day.
Regards Mia
Comment Written 29-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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Thank you and I'm on it.
Comment from --Turtle.
I found the dialog very easy to read, and the order of events easy to understand, though this was the first chapter I read, I think..
All I saw was a missing period...
"Oh, so you're the woman who returned Matt's baby(.) Thank you for that.
The only other thing I thought as I read this was I could use a little activity between dialog, but that's not a fair assessment, I would need to go back and consider it from the start to be sure if I would feel the same.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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I found the dialog very easy to read, and the order of events easy to understand, though this was the first chapter I read, I think..
All I saw was a missing period...
"Oh, so you're the woman who returned Matt's baby(.) Thank you for that.
The only other thing I thought as I read this was I could use a little activity between dialog, but that's not a fair assessment, I would need to go back and consider it from the start to be sure if I would feel the same.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I will recheck.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written set-up chapter. I didn't find anything wrong with it. You are doing a good job of keeping the sparks flying between Leya and Steven.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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This is a very well written set-up chapter. I didn't find anything wrong with it. You are doing a good job of keeping the sparks flying between Leya and Steven.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
I got lost in this chapter....
Geoff was injected with heroin and beaten. The Task Force doc released him but wanted him out of sight for a few weeks so he'll have time to recover. Joe's informing Matt."
Steven helped Eric assist Geoff Wilson to a vacant bedroom.
After Geoff was comfortable, Eric turned to leave. "I need to get back before I'm missed." He put his hand on Geoff's shoulder. "I promise I'll find out who did this."
Where is this taking place???
I must have missed something somewhere. Straighten me out, girl..
Carol
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Barbara
I got lost in this chapter....
Geoff was injected with heroin and beaten. The Task Force doc released him but wanted him out of sight for a few weeks so he'll have time to recover. Joe's informing Matt."
Steven helped Eric assist Geoff Wilson to a vacant bedroom.
After Geoff was comfortable, Eric turned to leave. "I need to get back before I'm missed." He put his hand on Geoff's shoulder. "I promise I'll find out who did this."
Where is this taking place???
I must have missed something somewhere. Straighten me out, girl..
Carol
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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The scene takes place at the safe house. Remember in the last chapter Steven taking Leya there? He really did. Of course, Geoff didn't get injected with heroin there, but he did arrive in a helicopter. One sentence you copied I see and error. I need to fix it. Thank you.
Comment from NightWriter
"Tantalizing Eyes - Chapter 2 Part 5" is a fast paced read with all the strong dialogue in there. Well written and captivating.
Possible spaggie ...
After watching the helicopter disappear(ed) over the horizon, Steven turned -- not needed I think
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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"Tantalizing Eyes - Chapter 2 Part 5" is a fast paced read with all the strong dialogue in there. Well written and captivating.
Possible spaggie ...
After watching the helicopter disappear(ed) over the horizon, Steven turned -- not needed I think
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you for catching it. I've changed that sentence so often, I must have missed the ed.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara Wilkey ....
Although this is the first chapter of your book that I have read, from the summary at the top, I was able to follow on and found what you have written to be interesting and generally well written.
There is just one small change indicated ...
* You have - After watching the helicopter disappeared over the horizon ... this should be - After watching as the helicopter ...
Now, I hope that I will come across the next chapter when you post it.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Hullo Barbara Wilkey ....
Although this is the first chapter of your book that I have read, from the summary at the top, I was able to follow on and found what you have written to be interesting and generally well written.
There is just one small change indicated ...
* You have - After watching the helicopter disappeared over the horizon ... this should be - After watching as the helicopter ...
Now, I hope that I will come across the next chapter when you post it.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I've changed that sentence so often thank you for chatching it.
Comment from fictionwriter
Another interesting piece of writing. I thought it was lacking a bit in the action department, but as the second half of the chapter that's acceptable.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Another interesting piece of writing. I thought it was lacking a bit in the action department, but as the second half of the chapter that's acceptable.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you. This is probably the last third or fourth of this chapter.
Comment from K-Patrick
I liked the idea of Geoff being brought to the house to recover. I think down the line it will make for interesting scenes. But the whole helo scene doesn't flow well. This is what I see...
At the landing pad, he saw Eric step down. "What happened?" -- What are you doing here?" -- Unless he sees Geoff all beat up and broken in the helo.
The Task Force doc released him but wanted him out of sight for a few weeks. Joe's informing Matt. -- Why does the doc want him out of sight?
"Who are you?" Eric stared at Leya, then glanced toward Steven. -- SO Eric sees a beautiful woman and blurts out "Who are you?" -- He's a big tuff macho guy. "Whoa, and who is this lovely lady?"
"I'm Leya Maria Santiago Vegas. Who are you?" -- She's second/third generation Cartel Royalty -- "I am Leya Maria Santiago Vegas and you senor?"
"Eric Hoff. You must be the woman who returned Matt's baby." -- If that who she is then that's what she did. -- "Oh, so you're the woman who returned Matt's baby. Thank you for that, I'm Eric Hoff."
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I liked the idea of Geoff being brought to the house to recover. I think down the line it will make for interesting scenes. But the whole helo scene doesn't flow well. This is what I see...
At the landing pad, he saw Eric step down. "What happened?" -- What are you doing here?" -- Unless he sees Geoff all beat up and broken in the helo.
The Task Force doc released him but wanted him out of sight for a few weeks. Joe's informing Matt. -- Why does the doc want him out of sight?
"Who are you?" Eric stared at Leya, then glanced toward Steven. -- SO Eric sees a beautiful woman and blurts out "Who are you?" -- He's a big tuff macho guy. "Whoa, and who is this lovely lady?"
"I'm Leya Maria Santiago Vegas. Who are you?" -- She's second/third generation Cartel Royalty -- "I am Leya Maria Santiago Vegas and you senor?"
"Eric Hoff. You must be the woman who returned Matt's baby." -- If that who she is then that's what she did. -- "Oh, so you're the woman who returned Matt's baby. Thank you for that, I'm Eric Hoff."
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I copied your suggestions and will get to it.