CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "March 18th"A collection of poetry
59 total reviews
Comment from jdrhye
Nicely articulated and easy to picture your words as actions as well as the sadness it depicts. You have done a nice job of relating emotions of sadness and the loss without sending the reader into their own depressed reverie. Hard to do when speaking of grief! Nice job! Best Regards.
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Nicely articulated and easy to picture your words as actions as well as the sadness it depicts. You have done a nice job of relating emotions of sadness and the loss without sending the reader into their own depressed reverie. Hard to do when speaking of grief! Nice job! Best Regards.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from c_lucas
A very well written tribute to a lost love one. We one loses a family member, one is at a lost and must rely on cherished memories. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
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A very well written tribute to a lost love one. We one loses a family member, one is at a lost and must rely on cherished memories. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from elainec4
Sixteezkid,
Simple and straight-forward tribute to your dad. Your sadness and love are readily evident. I share your sentiments and still miss my dad after fourteen years. elaine
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Sixteezkid,
Simple and straight-forward tribute to your dad. Your sadness and love are readily evident. I share your sentiments and still miss my dad after fourteen years. elaine
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from tmarquand2
This is pretty good. Very sad. I'm sorry. I really liked the ending. "while picking weeds, I'll groom the site, and clean his stone to keep it bright" I did find that you used some unnecessary "filler" words as I like to call them that just restrict the flow and don't help tell the story. For example, in the line, "Red roses will I lay upon his grave and say, " you could take out a couple words, for example, "red roses, I lay on his grave, and say" flows a little better. Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2009
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This is pretty good. Very sad. I'm sorry. I really liked the ending. "while picking weeds, I'll groom the site, and clean his stone to keep it bright" I did find that you used some unnecessary "filler" words as I like to call them that just restrict the flow and don't help tell the story. For example, in the line, "Red roses will I lay upon his grave and say, " you could take out a couple words, for example, "red roses, I lay on his grave, and say" flows a little better. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2009
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If I changed to your words, my entire iambic meter would be off. Thank you for your review. Sue
Comment from Jenia
Unlless this is fiction, and I doubt it, it sounds to me like you still miss your dad a lot. I found you poem an enjoyable read and am glad I had a chance to review it.
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Unlless this is fiction, and I doubt it, it sounds to me like you still miss your dad a lot. I found you poem an enjoyable read and am glad I had a chance to review it.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from DragonSkulls
Wow, what timing for a sad contest, huh? One year to the day. Sorry for your dad Sue. I'm glad your bond was strong. I think I'll give my dad a call and see how he's doing, it's been a while. Great entry to the contest Sue. Good luck. /Ron
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Wow, what timing for a sad contest, huh? One year to the day. Sorry for your dad Sue. I'm glad your bond was strong. I think I'll give my dad a call and see how he's doing, it's been a while. Great entry to the contest Sue. Good luck. /Ron
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from Minglement
Oh, this is very touching. I love that you titled it with the date. You have written a lovely tribute to your dad. One day, I will post mine. Father and daughter is a very special relationship. My heart goes out to you. Will keep you in my prayers. Hugs - Marcia
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Oh, this is very touching. I love that you titled it with the date. You have written a lovely tribute to your dad. One day, I will post mine. Father and daughter is a very special relationship. My heart goes out to you. Will keep you in my prayers. Hugs - Marcia
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from jeslaf
Great tribute piece, Sue and I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had a great relationship, and I think your visit to tidy his resting place sounds like a great way to pay homage to the man. :)
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Great tribute piece, Sue and I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had a great relationship, and I think your visit to tidy his resting place sounds like a great way to pay homage to the man. :)
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from sherrygreywolf
Sue, I am sorry that you lost your dad last year. I have lost both of my parents and understand the grief you are going through. You have, however, commemorated the anniversary of his death with a very nice poem. I didn't see anything that needs correction.
hugs, girl friend - sherry
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Sue, I am sorry that you lost your dad last year. I have lost both of my parents and understand the grief you are going through. You have, however, commemorated the anniversary of his death with a very nice poem. I didn't see anything that needs correction.
hugs, girl friend - sherry
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009
Comment from fictionwriter
Isn't that just the way it is. Time helps dim the pain, but it never really goes away. There is always the good memories to hold onto, thank goodness. Great job.
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Isn't that just the way it is. Time helps dim the pain, but it never really goes away. There is always the good memories to hold onto, thank goodness. Great job.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2009