CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Divided, We Fell"A collection of poetry
58 total reviews
Comment from Amfunny
Great poem, but such a sad story. This was very nicely done and I am sure many people can relate to this poem. Nice rhythm and choice of words. Good job.
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Great poem, but such a sad story. This was very nicely done and I am sure many people can relate to this poem. Nice rhythm and choice of words. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from skye
Really interesting rhyme and meter, making the poem easy to follow and enjoy.
The subject is contemporary and universal, the artwork well chosen.
Your words paint a graphic picure of the pain of this loss of love and family.
Well done.
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Really interesting rhyme and meter, making the poem easy to follow and enjoy.
The subject is contemporary and universal, the artwork well chosen.
Your words paint a graphic picure of the pain of this loss of love and family.
Well done.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from sharon fallis
A well thought out and written poem with good word choices and usage. The visuals and imagery are strong. I felt the rhythm was a little off, especially with the end word of each last line. I gave it five stars, as i know you will try and repair the rhyming here. Thanks for sharing. Sharon
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2009
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A well thought out and written poem with good word choices and usage. The visuals and imagery are strong. I felt the rhythm was a little off, especially with the end word of each last line. I gave it five stars, as i know you will try and repair the rhyming here. Thanks for sharing. Sharon
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2009
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Sharon, if you go back, you'll see that the last line in each stanza is a "fourteener" (written in iambs, as the rest of the poem, so the meter is intact). And it is intentional for all 3 'fourteeners' to rhyme with each other. If you have any questions, please comment further. Thanks very much for your review. Sue
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hey, Sue. That's what this site is for, to learn and I learned something new today. Thanks! Maybe if I can retain what I learned, I will be able to write like that too. Hugs.....Sharon
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Sharon, yes, I've learned so much being here. And I thank you for your gracious response. There are endless ways to find a meter.
I go with my gut - not only the words I want to say - but how I want it to "feel" by the reader. The meter plays such an important part in this.
Keep writing!!
**big smiles**
Sue
Comment from LadyMary
One can strongly sense loss and emotional turmoil in this writing. Interesting five-line format. Good choice of words grabs the reader's mindset. Good rhyme. Well done.
LadyMary
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One can strongly sense loss and emotional turmoil in this writing. Interesting five-line format. Good choice of words grabs the reader's mindset. Good rhyme. Well done.
LadyMary
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Sixteezkid ...
This is a poem in which, clearly, there is so much more hidden behind the words than has been revealed in what is written and such is the beauty and mystery of poetry.
You have used an unusual rhyming scheme and, for this reason, there is nothing that I would suggest changing. There is one question mark to me ... of what significance is that strange picture at the top?
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
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Hullo Sixteezkid ...
This is a poem in which, clearly, there is so much more hidden behind the words than has been revealed in what is written and such is the beauty and mystery of poetry.
You have used an unusual rhyming scheme and, for this reason, there is nothing that I would suggest changing. There is one question mark to me ... of what significance is that strange picture at the top?
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from Carol D Parker
This is unique. I never heard it written in quite this way. It's sad and heart-touching. "So splintered now, we once were eight. How creative. I love it. The language and the rhyme really caps it off. Great job.
Delora
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This is unique. I never heard it written in quite this way. It's sad and heart-touching. "So splintered now, we once were eight. How creative. I love it. The language and the rhyme really caps it off. Great job.
Delora
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from RADIO
The poet's pen, and yours especially
expresses these feelings of life pain
and disappointment. I know how it has
helped me to write true feelings of the
heart and I'm sure it's done the same
for you. you certainly are an excellent writer.
Radio
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The poet's pen, and yours especially
expresses these feelings of life pain
and disappointment. I know how it has
helped me to write true feelings of the
heart and I'm sure it's done the same
for you. you certainly are an excellent writer.
Radio
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from Perp Ihebom
AS IS ALWAYS THE CASE, THE LOSS OF A DEAR ONE CAUSES INTENSE SORROW AND GRIEF THAT ONE MAY NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO TRANSCRIBE INTO WORDS. However, Time always heals. Well written. kudos
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AS IS ALWAYS THE CASE, THE LOSS OF A DEAR ONE CAUSES INTENSE SORROW AND GRIEF THAT ONE MAY NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO TRANSCRIBE INTO WORDS. However, Time always heals. Well written. kudos
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from Freeflyer
This is another good write. I loved you rhyming pattern, very clever. The flow was great and it was a pleasure to read although sad.
Freeflyer
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This is another good write. I loved you rhyming pattern, very clever. The flow was great and it was a pleasure to read although sad.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
Comment from Dklrdmcches
This was very well done. great job of telling a story of sadness and of loss. Great beauty was found within your well thought out words as you told a heartbreaking tale...DKLRD
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This was very well done. great job of telling a story of sadness and of loss. Great beauty was found within your well thought out words as you told a heartbreaking tale...DKLRD
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009