CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 84 "With This Ring..."A collection of poetry
53 total reviews
Comment from Amicus
Perfect bride. Perfect groom. Perfect parents. Perfect time. Perfect rhythm. Perfect rhyme...A perfectly charming poem--fun to read.
Your "giggling girls" line was a nice touch.
Well done.
  |
Perfect bride. Perfect groom. Perfect parents. Perfect time. Perfect rhythm. Perfect rhyme...A perfectly charming poem--fun to read.
Your "giggling girls" line was a nice touch.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
Comment from grassroots08
All guests are seated, now in hush
Guests are seated, (all is quiet)
The bells are ringing! Rice like snow!
The bells are ringing! Rice (falls) snow!
The above are suggestions only and not nits. I added them for sound effects more than anything. This was wonderfully penned and it has a good story flow to it. Cheers, Don
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
|
All guests are seated, now in hush
Guests are seated, (all is quiet)
The bells are ringing! Rice like snow!
The bells are ringing! Rice (falls) snow!
The above are suggestions only and not nits. I added them for sound effects more than anything. This was wonderfully penned and it has a good story flow to it. Cheers, Don
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
-
Hey, Don. This piece is written in iambic tetrameter, so I can only go with the 3 syllables (now in hush). Also, the "hush" creates a stronger imagery for reader about just how quiet it is. The "rice like snow" is more of a metaphor (which I love). As "rice falls snow" would be too direct and take away my metaphor. Don't take away my metaphors!!!! boo hoo! Ha! Again, I REALLY appreciate your close read. Please, always feel free to make suggestions. You may not bat a thousand, but a .350 could be cool! LOL!! Really appreciate your great review and comments. With regards, Sue :-))
-
I must be falling asleep! What was I thinking,( rice falls snow), what in the world is that? My apology, my friend, no ill intent here. Cheers, Don
Comment from davidray
Hi sixteez,
What a treat to read. You've captured the moment perfectly for what every bride wants for their special day.Rarely if ever goes that way, but hey, you did a terrific job.
Always,
David
|
Hi sixteez,
What a treat to read. You've captured the moment perfectly for what every bride wants for their special day.Rarely if ever goes that way, but hey, you did a terrific job.
Always,
David
Comment Written 24-Jan-2009
Comment from skye
Perfect....
weddings are so universal, so fun and carefree, and you caught all the traditions, with the use of these words.
Nice artwork, great poem.
Well done.
|
Perfect....
weddings are so universal, so fun and carefree, and you caught all the traditions, with the use of these words.
Nice artwork, great poem.
Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2009
Comment from bard owl
How cleverly you used the contest words. And the imagery in this is so clear. Your love for your daughter is woven throughout this lovely write. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
|
How cleverly you used the contest words. And the imagery in this is so clear. Your love for your daughter is woven throughout this lovely write. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 24-Jan-2009
Comment from LadyBrendragon
Well, you completed the requirements of the challenge and painted a beautiful picture of a special day in every bride's life. From the hush of the church, the flowers, the bride's radiance, the smile on the groom's face, the tears, to their farewell as they leave to begin their new life was beautiful. Nicely done.
|
Well, you completed the requirements of the challenge and painted a beautiful picture of a special day in every bride's life. From the hush of the church, the flowers, the bride's radiance, the smile on the groom's face, the tears, to their farewell as they leave to begin their new life was beautiful. Nicely done.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2009
Comment from NightWriter
"With This Ring... " is perfectly written, fast paced and incredibly descriptive. I was captured from the first words and held to the last. It's perfect in rhythm, rhyming and prose. It reads so smooth too. Well done. Bravo! I feel like I was just at a wedding.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2009
|
"With This Ring... " is perfectly written, fast paced and incredibly descriptive. I was captured from the first words and held to the last. It's perfect in rhythm, rhyming and prose. It reads so smooth too. Well done. Bravo! I feel like I was just at a wedding.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2009
-
Nightwriter, thank you for this most generous review. And I am so honored by your lovely compliments. So glad you enjoyed this. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Gemma Perkins
very well constructed and it fits the chosen words in neatly and naturally. the story is beautifully laid out and gives a reader that nice fuzzy feeling of a fairtale couple. nicely written
|
very well constructed and it fits the chosen words in neatly and naturally. the story is beautifully laid out and gives a reader that nice fuzzy feeling of a fairtale couple. nicely written
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
Comment from ~Dovey
I like this. You paint a complete 'scene', if you will, with the perfect picture and color scheme. Meeting the criteria of the contest, you have used your words well and penned a delightful entry. Good luck! :)
|
I like this. You paint a complete 'scene', if you will, with the perfect picture and color scheme. Meeting the criteria of the contest, you have used your words well and penned a delightful entry. Good luck! :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
Comment from adewpearl
flanks of giggling girls - what a fanciful image that just conjures up the sights and happy sounds of a wedding - lovely flow and rhymes and great detail that creates the joyful tone of the occasion - it's hard to believe this adorable poem was the result of your having to use words provided from the list of a contest challenge - I'd never be able to guess which words were required.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2009
|
flanks of giggling girls - what a fanciful image that just conjures up the sights and happy sounds of a wedding - lovely flow and rhymes and great detail that creates the joyful tone of the occasion - it's hard to believe this adorable poem was the result of your having to use words provided from the list of a contest challenge - I'd never be able to guess which words were required.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2009
-
Thank you so much for your very kind review, Brooke. Your compliments to right to my heart. Very much appreciated, Sue