Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Nothing There"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
21 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Your title says it all. Jim and Lenny are on a wild goose chase, to use an old expression. This is excellent writing, just the right usage of speech tags, etc. You also really bring that seedy neighborhood to life. I couldn't find any nits.
Dave M
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Gayle,
Your title says it all. Jim and Lenny are on a wild goose chase, to use an old expression. This is excellent writing, just the right usage of speech tags, etc. You also really bring that seedy neighborhood to life. I couldn't find any nits.
Dave M
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hey Dave,
Did you love Tony? I missed writing about him, and this seemed like the perfect place to give him a stage.
Thanks so much for the great comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Gayle,
Oh no, I really noticed Tony, very much into dog dominance gestures.
Dave M
Comment from RenieReader
I guess just about anything can be amusing as long as Tony couldn't actually get to anyone. Slow day in the hood. I wonder if he felt like a celebrity. I hope Sam comes up with something that is helpful. Another excellent chapter, Gayle. You know how to put us on the scene and a part of the action.
Not a nit in sight.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2008
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I guess just about anything can be amusing as long as Tony couldn't actually get to anyone. Slow day in the hood. I wonder if he felt like a celebrity. I hope Sam comes up with something that is helpful. Another excellent chapter, Gayle. You know how to put us on the scene and a part of the action.
Not a nit in sight.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2008
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Hey Renie,
Neighborhoods like that creep me out. I can just see this happening, can't you? Wonder if Tony has the concept of guns? We've never discussed it! LOL!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
Comment from OldVet
Good post.
A couple of suggestions:
A sleek black shape glided out of the car and stood next to [him], ears up, eyes alight.
Tony tossed him a withering look as if to say, ["No kidding." ]
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Good post.
A couple of suggestions:
A sleek black shape glided out of the car and stood next to [him], ears up, eyes alight.
Tony tossed him a withering look as if to say, ["No kidding." ]
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi Oldvet,
Thanks for stopping by for an R&R. I appreciate your edit suggestions and made 'Jim' into him...much better. In the manuscript, the No Kidding is in italics. I just won't mess with EE or he'll infest my piece with ???'s.
I thank you for the time and effort and hope to see you again,
Best,
Gayle
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Just make sure the "No" is capitalized since it's the beginning of a comment.
Comment from Korton
Another excellent chapter Gayle. Indeed, Tom was a nut case and must have been trying to go back and undo what had happened with his mother. I have no doubt that Tony would draw a crowd, he seems such a regal animal. Very well done.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Another excellent chapter Gayle. Indeed, Tom was a nut case and must have been trying to go back and undo what had happened with his mother. I have no doubt that Tony would draw a crowd, he seems such a regal animal. Very well done.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hey Frank,
Thanks so much for the great comments. Yeah, Tony would draw a crowd, for sure. The kids in particular, are fascinated with a dog his size.
I so appreciate your comments, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from mslink1
I so wish I'd been able to follow this, Gayle. It reads superb--no nits from me.
So, how do you like writing in this genre. You seem to have the right attitude it takes to write a story like this--well done.
I hope the other book will be published soon--I'm looking forward to purchasing a copy. Love ya, miss ya, Mary
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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I so wish I'd been able to follow this, Gayle. It reads superb--no nits from me.
So, how do you like writing in this genre. You seem to have the right attitude it takes to write a story like this--well done.
I hope the other book will be published soon--I'm looking forward to purchasing a copy. Love ya, miss ya, Mary
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi Mary,
How're you doing? It's been ages. Are you a bit under the weather? I keep watching for your pm. One day soon, for sure!
Thanks so much for the R&R and your fine comments. I miss you too, m'dear,
Love,
Gayle
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I posted an entry into the non-fiction contest, but the certificate expired yesterday. I'm not on much, Gayle. This was only my third post for this year--but--I have to check in, just to keep the rest of you in top shape--lol. Love ya, Mary.
Comment from bookishfabler
Seems like these people never seen a dog before. LOL.
smell of marijuana wafted on the air. (not sure but shouldn't be 'in' the air?)
Jim stepped out of the Suburban and snapped his fingers. A sleek black shape glided out of the car and stood next to Jim, ears up, eyes alight.
(Take out the second, 'Jim' and replace with him)
Ears working (worked) faster ( you moved to present tense)now,
The front door opened as they approached(,) and a deep voice said, "Is that Sessions and Browning?"
Nice chapter.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Seems like these people never seen a dog before. LOL.
smell of marijuana wafted on the air. (not sure but shouldn't be 'in' the air?)
Jim stepped out of the Suburban and snapped his fingers. A sleek black shape glided out of the car and stood next to Jim, ears up, eyes alight.
(Take out the second, 'Jim' and replace with him)
Ears working (worked) faster ( you moved to present tense)now,
The front door opened as they approached(,) and a deep voice said, "Is that Sessions and Browning?"
Nice chapter.
hugs
book
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi Heidi,
Always great to see you and get your fine editing help. I changed out that 'on' for in and made the other 'Jim' him, and it is much better, for sure. Will also work on that tense switch.
I so appreciate your comments and thanks for stopping by. How's your gal coming along? New chapter soon?
Hugs,
Gayle
PS..You're staying high and dry, right?
Comment from Sylvia Page
Nothing much here just tying up loose ends it seems. Language is rough all right as called for. Can't help you there though. Overall a good chapter.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Nothing much here just tying up loose ends it seems. Language is rough all right as called for. Can't help you there though. Overall a good chapter.
Sylvia
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi Sylvia,
Thanks for stopping by and for the great comments. Sorry this got a little rough but I wanted to make it realistic. I appreciate your understanding on that! :-)
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle.
I shouldn't really read this as I see it contains strong language, and I'm very delicate. Oh, what the hell, go for it, you only live once, LOL
'gate which snapped closed behind them with a resounding snap.' ('snap'/'snapped' repeated)
'Dejection filled the faces of the gathering crowd. The show had hit the road.' great ending!
This was a fun, easy read, gayle. Great take on Sam's lingo and a little Spanish too. Could see the dog guarding the car. Nice length, top dialogue and all very smooth. Nice one,
Ray xx
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi, Gayle.
I shouldn't really read this as I see it contains strong language, and I'm very delicate. Oh, what the hell, go for it, you only live once, LOL
'gate which snapped closed behind them with a resounding snap.' ('snap'/'snapped' repeated)
'Dejection filled the faces of the gathering crowd. The show had hit the road.' great ending!
This was a fun, easy read, gayle. Great take on Sam's lingo and a little Spanish too. Could see the dog guarding the car. Nice length, top dialogue and all very smooth. Nice one,
Ray xx
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hi Ray,
Tender ears? LOL! I got that snap changed to slammed. Much better. I always prefer to make the chapters short and now, with you in mind, I do it as a matter of course and I think it works better. Everyone comments on how easy they are to read, so I have you to thank for that!
Thanks so much for the comments and your valued friendship!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from G.B. Smith
"God, lets get out of here before they break out the banjos
S/B let's. Out side of this I found this to be a very enjoyable read and it was my pleasure to review. Very well thought our
Bear
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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"God, lets get out of here before they break out the banjos
S/B let's. Out side of this I found this to be a very enjoyable read and it was my pleasure to review. Very well thought our
Bear
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hey Glen,
thanks for that catch...got'em fixed. I appreciate your time and effort and thank you for the kind comments,
Best,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
Very well written, Gayle. Very believable dialogue with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Like most follow-ups, it had little to offer about their case.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Very well written, Gayle. Very believable dialogue with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Like most follow-ups, it had little to offer about their case.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2008
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Hey Charlie,
Yeah, mostly this one gives a breather before we get going. The reader finds out for sure what we all suspected, Candace looked like his mother, and in his mind...well, who knows? Better she got kidnapped by the Ruskies, I'm thinking.
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
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Keep up the good work, Gayle. Charlie