Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "What Sign?"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
23 total reviews
Comment from davidray
Hello, my darling, Gayle,
Enjoyed this as I always do when I open up something of yours. Very good flow with spot on dialogue combined with terrific narration.One could sense the feelings coming to the surface with some of the interactions.
A couple tiny things for your consideration, please:
- brow furrowed with fear. (the 'with fear' addition is telling, Gayle. Not a biggy, but try to refrain from telling. Yeah, yeah ... I know you konw this!)
-"That is bull shit! (bullshit .... I specialize in this word. Tee hee hee.)
Thats it.Like i said, just tiny things.
Have yourself a super Sunday evening!!
Hugs,
David xxx
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hello, my darling, Gayle,
Enjoyed this as I always do when I open up something of yours. Very good flow with spot on dialogue combined with terrific narration.One could sense the feelings coming to the surface with some of the interactions.
A couple tiny things for your consideration, please:
- brow furrowed with fear. (the 'with fear' addition is telling, Gayle. Not a biggy, but try to refrain from telling. Yeah, yeah ... I know you konw this!)
-"That is bull shit! (bullshit .... I specialize in this word. Tee hee hee.)
Thats it.Like i said, just tiny things.
Have yourself a super Sunday evening!!
Hugs,
David xxx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hey Sweetie, lol, I'll banish that 'with fear' thingy. I know better than that! Slap, slap!
So, bullshit is one word, OK, I'll take your word for it! David, I just love your reviews. They always make me smile and usually have a lovely tidbit as well! Got both this time!
Big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Max Edon
I haven't read the previous chapters, but I found this chapter to be very tense and well-written. I found it very interesting and compelling.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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I haven't read the previous chapters, but I found this chapter to be very tense and well-written. I found it very interesting and compelling.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hi Max,
Wow, it's not easy coming into the middle of a novel, is it? I'm thrilled I was able to keep your attention and give you something fun to read.
Thanks so much for the fine comments and hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
a real thrilling chapter. i wonder who was the mastermind. detective stories has the greatest appeal to my inner curious child, as I cannot write in this genre at all!. The real person may not be a stalker at all, Gayle. I had a wonderful read.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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a real thrilling chapter. i wonder who was the mastermind. detective stories has the greatest appeal to my inner curious child, as I cannot write in this genre at all!. The real person may not be a stalker at all, Gayle. I had a wonderful read.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Oh Stephy,
What wonderful comments...oh, you never did get back to me on that punchline. Let me know which book and I'll be happy to help.
I so appreciate your fine comments and support. You're the best!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Hi, Gayle. How terribly scary when the enemy knows more about your business than they should. Then just to throw a monkey wrench in the mix, we have our stalker. Awesome writing, my friend. Will they get a break from the realtor? That's probably expecting too much. Way to go.
Suggestion:
The unexpected and strident tones of his cell [rang==>ringing], caused both men to start.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hi, Gayle. How terribly scary when the enemy knows more about your business than they should. Then just to throw a monkey wrench in the mix, we have our stalker. Awesome writing, my friend. Will they get a break from the realtor? That's probably expecting too much. Way to go.
Suggestion:
The unexpected and strident tones of his cell [rang==>ringing], caused both men to start.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hey Renie,
Let me fix that nit here real quick. I'm so glad this one is holding your attention. It's hard to keep the suspense going without getting melodramatic.
As for the realtor, that would just be too much to expect...like maybe they have a security camera. We need to figure out what these guys look like!
Big hugs and tons of thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Andy Baker has called the police despite what the kidnappers have told him. When they call him again, he is surprised to learn they know about his speech in the meeting. He also finds out that Candice had been stalked and that her stalker was dead. The police seem to be interested in a "For Sales" sign that is no longer there.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Andy Baker has called the police despite what the kidnappers have told him. When they call him again, he is surprised to learn they know about his speech in the meeting. He also finds out that Candice had been stalked and that her stalker was dead. The police seem to be interested in a "For Sales" sign that is no longer there.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hi RW,
Thanks for the great R&R and your fine comments. They are so appreciated!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Looks like a break for the good guys, but the Russian agents probably covered their tracks when they bought the land. Anyway, I'll find out soon enough.
I enjoyed reading this chapter, well written and interesting, and without any nits that I could find. I especially liked this touch:
"Andy finished his cup in a series of swallows. He refilled it, raising the pot to Detective Riley." This is an excellent sentence. It shows how nervous and wrought up Andy is.
Dave M
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Gayle,
Looks like a break for the good guys, but the Russian agents probably covered their tracks when they bought the land. Anyway, I'll find out soon enough.
I enjoyed reading this chapter, well written and interesting, and without any nits that I could find. I especially liked this touch:
"Andy finished his cup in a series of swallows. He refilled it, raising the pot to Detective Riley." This is an excellent sentence. It shows how nervous and wrought up Andy is.
Dave M
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Yo, Dave! I bet that check bounces higher than a kite! LOL!
Thank you for the excellent comments. It's encouraging to hear such good words from a talent such as yourself.
Best hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
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Gayle,
Yes indeed, a rubber check, and most likely completely false identities. But the real estate agent is the only person who saw the suspects...
Dave M
Comment from ThyLordDracula
a very well written chapter - Candace is in serious trouble - the Russians never play games - Andy either gives them the formula or she is gone - terrific job - respectfully ^v^
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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a very well written chapter - Candace is in serious trouble - the Russians never play games - Andy either gives them the formula or she is gone - terrific job - respectfully ^v^
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Well, it's a fine mess you got us into this time, Olly! That is one of my fave phrases from Abbott and Costello and in this instance, it's true. Man, you talk about a place to be in. Hope Andy loves Candace more than...what? His country? Wow, that a very hot seat, huh?
Thanks so much for the great comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
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I'd have to agree. He is between a rock and a hard place. We know he loves Candace but he is a patriot. Tough spot to be in. I feel bad for him. Respectfully ^v^
Comment from earthlybeing
Great chapter and very intriguing. It was filled with great action and dialogue and was easy to read and understand. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Great chapter and very intriguing. It was filled with great action and dialogue and was easy to read and understand. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Hey Jeanette,
Wow, thanks for the great comments. I sure appreciate you stopping by for such a fine review! Hope to see you again,
Gayle
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Wow. I turned the page but-nothing there. Good hook sinker.You caught me. Good flow. I like it very much. A talented wrter you are mate!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Wow. I turned the page but-nothing there. Good hook sinker.You caught me. Good flow. I like it very much. A talented wrter you are mate!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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LOL! I love to leave a good hook, Spurgeon. Sometimes it's easier than others...this one just slid right in there.
Thanks for the super duper review and your comments. Hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from Zaphod
Very good. I have been busy so I missed a couple of chapters but I was able to get right back up to speed. A good sign. I like where this is going. You have a good pace set and have left it at a point where the reader wants to know more.
Good job.
Z
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Very good. I have been busy so I missed a couple of chapters but I was able to get right back up to speed. A good sign. I like where this is going. You have a good pace set and have left it at a point where the reader wants to know more.
Good job.
Z
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2008
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Hey Zaphod,
Good to see you again and thank you for the wonderful comments. Hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
