Comment from Rajasir

Excellent

This is really a very beautiful short story.The most striking feature of the story is that you have kept it very clear and simple, away from the adornments and affectations of the time.It is charged with emotion.I liked your story very much, my friend.
Bless you,
Rajasir

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your comments about the story's structure, because I tried hard to keep it that way.
Many thanks.
Blessings,
Jan

Comment from ThyLordDracula

Excellent

Well, I for one did not see any mistakes or nits in this story- a beautiful and poignant story- I hope you are right that all the babies who are lost grow up and find their parents in heaven- respectfully ^v^

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much! I hope so, too!
Jan

Comment from PearlW

Excellent

This is so beautiful. I lost three babies very early on in my pregnancies. A woman once told me, that their souls never stop growing, and they're probably up in heaven, waiting for me. It gave me a lot of peace, and I think this story may give other mothers the same kind of peace.

I didn't notice any SPAG issues, but I got so caught up in the story, that I wouldn't have seen them anyway (I usually don't when I am engrossed in a story).

Very well written.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

I am so grateful to read your comments. You have been there, and I deeply appreciate your comments. I lost a baby at seven weeks gestation. It is still hard, even at that early stage.
Hugs,
Jan

reply by PearlW on 13-Jul-2008

Oh yes, it is very hard. People are sometimes apathetic to a woman who loses a baby early in pregnancy - because they think she didn't have a chance to become attached to the baby. We are rarely given a chance to grieve for them.

Comment from angela oiticica

Excellent

Very profound, delicate and tender story.

The story moves our heart towards hope and we conclude, that things can be beautiful again in another life in heaven.

"She heard music coming from the shell..." a great image the writer created.

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Many thanks for the wonderful review.
Hugs,
Jan

reply by angela oiticica on 13-Jul-2008

Thanks for the reply.

Comment from Permelia

Excellent

As I reead this, my mind flashed to my girlfriend, whose baby was taken from her at birth, by an unscrupulous doctor, and before the doctor died, told his son about his real mother. I remember the joy she felt when she phoned me that her son was coming home - at the age of 38- and as I was mentally relating to this, you threw me completely off by the reuniting of the two in heaven. Yes, I think parents will be able to raise their infants in heaven, and I have told my grandson this after three of his babies died almost after birth, in his arms. The fourth child lived when the doctors discovered the reason for their deaths.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much for the wonderful review and for sharing the story of your girlfriend and her son. That would make a good story, also. Sorry to hear about your grandson's loss.
Hugs,
Jan

Comment from KatFrog

Excellent

Hello Janilou,

What a wonderful, heartfelt story!

At first, I thought that Anna gave her son up for adoption, which made some of his statements a bit too cheery. Then I got to the end, and realized my mistake. So I read the story again.

I like the interactions between the characters, which seem genuine. I also like the music in the seashell.

I found no misspellings or grammatical errors.

Kathryn

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much! I deeply appreciate your kind words and the five stars.
Hugs,
Jan

Comment from Bryana

Excellent

Hi Janilou, as I began to read
I thought the boy had been
adopted and they had finally met.

Your story is tender and beautiful.
I found no nits or anything to change.

The mother's name caught my attention.
My name is Ana

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much! I picked a name I really like. :-) It is so pretty.
Hugs,
Jan

Comment from chrisweigand

Excellent

Wow not what I expected. I like the way you worked the twist in. There wasn't even a clue that they were dead. Great job. I found no mistakes.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much! :-) Glad you enjoyed the twist!
Jan

Comment from darling

Excellent

Wow Janilou this really took me by surprise! Fantastic twist to what is almost always a predictable end. The story line is emotional and heartfelt. Great job my sister! Write on!

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008

Thank you so much! I am so glad you enjoyed it.
Hugs,
Jan

Comment from ledford

Excellent

Sweet story:-)

Just a couple suggestions:

"Tears formed in her [own] eyes" ... I recommend omitting [ ]

"Chris knelt {,} and extending her line, drew two hearts" to help this flow better, I would move your comma to here { }

"down to pick up a sea-shell" ... I recommend "seashell"

Take care!

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2008

Thanks! I will take a look at those things you pointed out. :-)
Jan