The Coyote Boys
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Indebted"Story about two brothers who change their destiny.
19 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Five stars for the topic and the engaging characters personifying some of the best and worst of people. Save us from the self righteous. You might consider subscribing to one of the various editing services. Most at this level are free to use.They can make the task of editing and correcting the narrative a valuable learning tool. Live long and write well, Fantasist
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Five stars for the topic and the engaging characters personifying some of the best and worst of people. Save us from the self righteous. You might consider subscribing to one of the various editing services. Most at this level are free to use.They can make the task of editing and correcting the narrative a valuable learning tool. Live long and write well, Fantasist
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you for the review and Aldo for the information and suggestion. Gretchen
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Daylily
There is a lot of emotion in your posting and that makes for good writing and good reading. The action is very believable. This reads like a slice-of-life story and I suspect the following chapters are going to be as interesting and creative.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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There is a lot of emotion in your posting and that makes for good writing and good reading. The action is very believable. This reads like a slice-of-life story and I suspect the following chapters are going to be as interesting and creative.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your feedback. Gretchen
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This reminded me of Mice and Men in the beginning. This engaging novella has quite dark undertones of cruelty and injustice which were conveyed through the unnecessary deaths of these three creatures. In particular we side with Ben who is only doing his job of protecting his girls. I like the use of the vernacular which adds character to the piece and the description of the beds which instantly suggests poverty and disadvantage. Thanks for sharing, Gretchen. Take care Debbie. PS Your background note - fathe(r)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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This reminded me of Mice and Men in the beginning. This engaging novella has quite dark undertones of cruelty and injustice which were conveyed through the unnecessary deaths of these three creatures. In particular we side with Ben who is only doing his job of protecting his girls. I like the use of the vernacular which adds character to the piece and the description of the beds which instantly suggests poverty and disadvantage. Thanks for sharing, Gretchen. Take care Debbie. PS Your background note - fathe(r)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you. The background must cut off after so many characters. Thank you. They are poor and secluded from the nearest town. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from royowen
Daddy is definitely not a nice man, no compassion in a man is not not good, I don't think I would like to live there. Nor do I think Huck and Dewy live there, they are big enough to take care of their father, an they should I think, for their mother's sake too, but we'll see, shall we? Well dine, blessings Roy
Typo: After the girl(;)s, girls? 2: He's protecting (h)is girls.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Daddy is definitely not a nice man, no compassion in a man is not not good, I don't think I would like to live there. Nor do I think Huck and Dewy live there, they are big enough to take care of their father, an they should I think, for their mother's sake too, but we'll see, shall we? Well dine, blessings Roy
Typo: After the girl(;)s, girls? 2: He's protecting (h)is girls.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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He is not. He victimizes whenever and whoever he can. Thank you so much. Gretchen
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I suspect he?ll get his.
Comment from BethShelby
This a good introduction to this story. I would think Huck is an animal loverer and is upset his father killed the rooster while trying to kill the snake. If this story is about good and evil the father must be the evil one. Huck may start to resent not being about to leave because his brother has brain damage he got while pretecting him. I look forward to more of this story.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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This a good introduction to this story. I would think Huck is an animal loverer and is upset his father killed the rooster while trying to kill the snake. If this story is about good and evil the father must be the evil one. Huck may start to resent not being about to leave because his brother has brain damage he got while pretecting him. I look forward to more of this story.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much, Beth. This is a dark one. Gretchen
Comment from BethShelby
This a good introduction to this story. I would think Huck is an animal loverer and is upset his father killed the rooster while trying to kill the snake. If this story is about good and evil the father must be the evil one. Huck may start to resent not being about to leave because his brother has brain damage he got while pretecting him. I look forward to more of this story.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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This a good introduction to this story. I would think Huck is an animal loverer and is upset his father killed the rooster while trying to kill the snake. If this story is about good and evil the father must be the evil one. Huck may start to resent not being about to leave because his brother has brain damage he got while pretecting him. I look forward to more of this story.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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For some reason your review posted twice. So thank you twice. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The accents came through loud and clear in your words Gretchen and I enjoyed the action too. How a Father can be this cruel to his own sons and cause one of them to have brain damage, is something that he needs to be locked up for. I suppose a lot of Fathers get away with this sort of behaviour in certain states in America where Fathers are seen as men who are trying make their sons man up in life. England presents an entirely different scene, but we still have abusive Fathers and Mothers. I enjoyed your short story Gretchen.
Edits:
Two brother(s), Huck and Dewy, live with their long suffering mother and their abusive tyrannical father. Huck falls in love with a young black woman and this affection puts a target on her by his fathe(r).
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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The accents came through loud and clear in your words Gretchen and I enjoyed the action too. How a Father can be this cruel to his own sons and cause one of them to have brain damage, is something that he needs to be locked up for. I suppose a lot of Fathers get away with this sort of behaviour in certain states in America where Fathers are seen as men who are trying make their sons man up in life. England presents an entirely different scene, but we still have abusive Fathers and Mothers. I enjoyed your short story Gretchen.
Edits:
Two brother(s), Huck and Dewy, live with their long suffering mother and their abusive tyrannical father. Huck falls in love with a young black woman and this affection puts a target on her by his fathe(r).
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you. This is set back in the early fifties. In rural north Carolina. Back when there was no social services.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very well done. Well written.
Copperheads always come in pairs. I'd be looking for the other one -with shoes on!
Sometimes trimming chapters for FanStory is a real challenge.
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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Very well done. Well written.
Copperheads always come in pairs. I'd be looking for the other one -with shoes on!
Sometimes trimming chapters for FanStory is a real challenge.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Wayne, I'm pulling my feet off the ground as I answer. I do appreciate your review. Gretchen
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You're off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. This is very good.
with a young black woman and this affection puts a target on her by his fathe (in the background information, but it may not be your fault. You many have run out of space.)
"That dang fox is after the girl;s," he says, excitedly. (girl's)
"You could have shooed him away,"I mumble as I look around at the carnage. (space needed after the quotation mark)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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You're off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. This is very good.
with a young black woman and this affection puts a target on her by his fathe (in the background information, but it may not be your fault. You many have run out of space.)
"That dang fox is after the girl;s," he says, excitedly. (girl's)
"You could have shooed him away,"I mumble as I look around at the carnage. (space needed after the quotation mark)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Barbara. I did run out of characters. Lol. Same with the chapter description. I'm glad you enjoyed this. It's a novella so it shouldn't be too long. Gretchen
