Death, Crimes and Misdemeanors A-Z
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Francesca Finds Frank"Nefarious Deeds
24 total reviews
Comment from Lisasview
This has a sort of ring to it... maning th tone it is written in dear Karen, which reminds me of the book that I was once upon a time helping you with. Whatever happened to that book?
I think this one is fun and engaging. Not sure your tenses are all correct?
But I could be wrong...
I love the font color, style and size you chose.. Made it easy to read.
Lisa
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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This has a sort of ring to it... maning th tone it is written in dear Karen, which reminds me of the book that I was once upon a time helping you with. Whatever happened to that book?
I think this one is fun and engaging. Not sure your tenses are all correct?
But I could be wrong...
I love the font color, style and size you chose.. Made it easy to read.
Lisa
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I may work on it some day, but I am in no hurry, I kind of lost the taste for it. But, you are right this is high English. I watch BritBox a lot. I love your walls in the picture in your icon. The tiles are beautiful.Thanks for the read and nice words. Karen
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I love that area too..in Spain...Thank you for saying that.. Not everyone notices the small things Karen...
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You betcha. I stayed and worked on a house for a few months many moons ago with luscious tiles and the tub was all tiles. I love it. Karen
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Being creative is wonderful,
Lisa
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Those tile walls must give you inspiration. :-) Karen
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For sure...
By the way, Why is you Kill Karen contest nearly one month away?
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I asked people about it before I posted it, quite a few asked for time to write. A few said they wanted to take their own sweet time killing me. Should I be worried? hahaha Karen
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No, I think it will be such fun... Is this a Blind contest?
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Yes it is blind. The voting has more hope of being fair that way. :-)
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How is it fair when people know one another (either privately, or) and vote accordingly...
I wuld rather enter a contest where the voters knew who I am... I feel that would be certainly as fair if not more fair..
Lisa
Comment from papa55mike
Well, that's what I call shopping around for a man. Just order him from Amazon with free shipping. Please check this line: a new acquaintance? ", move your quotation mark over. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Well, that's what I call shopping around for a man. Just order him from Amazon with free shipping. Please check this line: a new acquaintance? ", move your quotation mark over. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I will check. Thanks for the read and edit. Karen
Comment from Ric Myworld
Okay, well, I don't know Rachelle Allen or anything much about her, but I'm guess she might have lots of boyfriends. LOL. "The more the merrier," saying could be true, but often than not, I'd say multiple means more aggravation. And besides, one good one would beat the heck out of forty not-so-good.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Okay, well, I don't know Rachelle Allen or anything much about her, but I'm guess she might have lots of boyfriends. LOL. "The more the merrier," saying could be true, but often than not, I'd say multiple means more aggravation. And besides, one good one would beat the heck out of forty not-so-good.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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They were all dolls !!!!!! reread it. :-)
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LOL. Okay.
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This is the last time I go highbrow on you guys. I will stick with the cheap seats.!
:-) Karen
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That's where I always belong. In the cheap seats. Sitting beside a stranger willing to share their popcorn or frosty malt. :-)
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Popcorn always, no malt for me Coca cola, thanks with lots of ice. Do you remember frosty rootbeer? My favorite.:-)
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Why sure. I even remember the A&W root beer menu. I made up a little song when I was a tot sitting in the back seat when they had curb-side service. Their sandwiches were a Ben, Bob, Bill, and a barbeque beef. :-)
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Frosty's rootbeer is a brand. and the best roor beer ever.
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I know Frosty's
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How about Old Dad's ?
Comment from scongrove
Another great story, my friend :) Although we wish for one, there's no such thing as a perfect man, with the exception of Ken, maybe (LOL!). Like your story, I spent years searching for that "perfect" one. What a waste of my time.
Thanks for sharing!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Another great story, my friend :) Although we wish for one, there's no such thing as a perfect man, with the exception of Ken, maybe (LOL!). Like your story, I spent years searching for that "perfect" one. What a waste of my time.
Thanks for sharing!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I edited it some more. I can't believe that so many had problems getting all my clues on how all the boyfriends were dolls. In my mind it was so clear! Oh course it helped I wrote the thing. Thanks for the read. Karen
Comment from Jim Wile
I'll join the crowd of those who didn't get it. I didn't realize what the box was. I only realized when I read some of the reviews and your comments. I think it would have been a great surprise ending if you had made that clearer, such as:
I opened the shiny new box that my latest purchase came in. What should I call you?
"Miss Francesca that sure is a good-looking fella, is he a new acquaintance?"
"Yes. He's very handsome, isn't he? I think I'll call him 'Frank'.
Then it becomes absolutely clear. There's no harm in being more obvious at the end. The reader suddenly realizes then that all the boyfriends were dolls.
All your clues are perfectly consistent with the revelation that they are dolls, but I don't think, by themselves, they were enough to make the reader suspect this. Even if I'd known it was a mystery, as stated by the category you chose for the story (which I seldom notice when I read posts and which really shouldn't be relied on to make things clear, because many people don't read the category) I'm not sure I would have gotten it.
Anyway, it was a marvelously written story but for its subtlety at the end.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I'll join the crowd of those who didn't get it. I didn't realize what the box was. I only realized when I read some of the reviews and your comments. I think it would have been a great surprise ending if you had made that clearer, such as:
I opened the shiny new box that my latest purchase came in. What should I call you?
"Miss Francesca that sure is a good-looking fella, is he a new acquaintance?"
"Yes. He's very handsome, isn't he? I think I'll call him 'Frank'.
Then it becomes absolutely clear. There's no harm in being more obvious at the end. The reader suddenly realizes then that all the boyfriends were dolls.
All your clues are perfectly consistent with the revelation that they are dolls, but I don't think, by themselves, they were enough to make the reader suspect this. Even if I'd known it was a mystery, as stated by the category you chose for the story (which I seldom notice when I read posts and which really shouldn't be relied on to make things clear, because many people don't read the category) I'm not sure I would have gotten it.
Anyway, it was a marvelously written story but for its subtlety at the end.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I re-edited. but in more spoilers. tell me what you think. Karen
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I think it's more obvious now. Did you use the word "doll" at the end in the original? Though that could be interpreted as just a fond word for a sweet person (Aren't you just a doll for saying that?).
It's hard for me to be objective now. Here's the thing, though. Do you really want to add more clues earlier? You don't want to give the secret away until the end. That should be a shocking surprise for those of us dummies who didn't get it. Then you go back and reread it and see how cleverly it was all put together.
See what I'm saying? But you do want it to be clear at the end that this is a doll she's getting out of that box. Then we will figure out that all her boyfriends were actually dolls.
Comment from karenina
Dolls? They were dolls? Well, it looks like I'm in goid company since mist reviews are as confused as I was.
Your "clues" were way over my head! At the end I wondered why she'd want a dead man in a coffin!
I need preschool level hints up front, or I'm just wandering around bumping into walls!
Dolls....
You're a kook!
Karenina
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Dolls? They were dolls? Well, it looks like I'm in goid company since mist reviews are as confused as I was.
Your "clues" were way over my head! At the end I wondered why she'd want a dead man in a coffin!
I need preschool level hints up front, or I'm just wandering around bumping into walls!
Dolls....
You're a kook!
Karenina
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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They never went anywhere; she never talked about going out on a date anywhere. No talk about dressing up. You never heard the "men's" dialogue. No breakups, no fights. When they were together it was like no one else was in the room?
She did all the taking. No food is ever mentioned.
They are never out in public? People are telling me I was too subtle. I have not been particularly known for that. It all seems perfectly clear in my brain. Do you have suggestions? I am open, and listening. Karen
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Find a much smarter reviewer than this Karenina! (LOL)
In HINDSIGHT it all makes perfect sense.
I think I would have needed a bat against the head...like a comment
"He's no REAL man!"
(Nah--even then I'm a dolt when it comes to some things)
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It was like I wrote a riddle, but told no one. I think people read to fast, They do not savor.
That's what I tell me ego. Karen
Comment from T B Botts
OK Karen,
I'm totally confused here. At the end I understood that it was a doll or a man sized sex toy or some such thing. I don't understand why anyone would have an opinion about dolls if that's what they were, and I'm not sure about the cologne. It was an interesting, if different read. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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OK Karen,
I'm totally confused here. At the end I understood that it was a doll or a man sized sex toy or some such thing. I don't understand why anyone would have an opinion about dolls if that's what they were, and I'm not sure about the cologne. It was an interesting, if different read. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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The woman is nutso. She truly believes in her head that the dolls are real people. So, her mother and the maids and so forth know to act as if they are real. And it was pine cone bits he was stuffed with that gave him the faint odor of pine cologne. I put clues all over the place. It all made perfect sense in my head. Sorry you had trouble with it. :-0 Karen
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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
They never went anywhere; she never talked about going out on a date anywhere. No talk about dressing up. You never heard the "men's" dialogue. No breakups, no fights. When they were together it was like no one else was in the room?
She did all the taking. No food is ever mentioned.
They are never out in public? People are telling me I was too subtle. I have not been particularly known for that. It all seems perfectly clear in my brain. Do you have suggestions? I am open, and listening. Karen
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Hi Karen,
I guess I'm a kind of black and white fellow. I would never make a good detective. Thanks for spelling it out for me gal. I'm a little slow on the draw.
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Most everyone had trouble with it. I was too clever. I was being too sneaky. I changed it up a bit. you can check it out, maybe it will make more sense now! :-) Karen
Comment from lyenochka
I'm sorry that Francesca had to wait so long to make up her own mind about who would be the right man for her. Sometimes, we don't need others to run our lives - even mom.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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I'm sorry that Francesca had to wait so long to make up her own mind about who would be the right man for her. Sometimes, we don't need others to run our lives - even mom.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Did you suspect they weren't real? Thanks for the read and kind words. Karen
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You never heard the "men's" dialogue. No breakups, no fights. When they were together it was like no one else was in the room?
She did all the taking. No food is ever mentioned.
They are never out in public? People are telling me I was too subtle. I have not been particularly known for that. It all seems perfectly clear in my brain. Do you have suggestions? I am open, and listening. Karen
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My only suggestion is to condense as much as possible. Personally, I find the flash writing helped me get to the point faster. I'd write the story with all the details first and then I'd have to condense and cut out at least half of the original story to get the real nugget of the plot. It's also what fits today's short attention span. Not many are up to reading Tolstoy or Dickens or Melville these days.
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I have edited it some more and it is much clearer. Thanks. Karen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is interesting but mama had absolutely too much power. I hope Frank is really what Francesca wanted since he has nothing to recommend him. It seems as if she thinks him a great find since she found him herself.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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This is interesting but mama had absolutely too much power. I hope Frank is really what Francesca wanted since he has nothing to recommend him. It seems as if she thinks him a great find since she found him herself.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Did you suspect they weren't real? Thanks for the read and kind words. Karen
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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
People didn't understand she was nuts and they were dolls.They never went anywhere; she never talked about going out on a date anywhere. No talk about dressing up. You never heard the "men's" dialogue. No breakups, no fights. When they were together it was like no one else was in the room?
She did all the taking. No food is ever mentioned.
They are never out in public? People are telling me I was too subtle. I have not been particularly known for that. It all seems perfectly clear in my brain. Do you have suggestions? I am open, and listening. Karen
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You could say they just faded away each time. That's not so subtle.
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I did edit a bit, too make things clearer. It was like I wrote a riddle but neglected to tell anyone. Karen
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was written with such authenticity. The language was quite timely for the early nineteen hundreds before the class system disappeared. I loved the names. Each appeared in my mind in a distinct way. Great story. Gretchen
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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This was written with such authenticity. The language was quite timely for the early nineteen hundreds before the class system disappeared. I loved the names. Each appeared in my mind in a distinct way. Great story. Gretchen
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
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Did you suspect they weren't real? Thanks for the read and kind words. Karen
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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024
People didn't understand she was nuts and they were dolls.They never went anywhere; she never talked about going out on a date anywhere. No talk about dressing up. You never heard the "men's" dialogue. No breakups, no fights. When they were together it was like no one else was in the room?
She did all the taking. No food is ever mentioned.
They are never out in public? People are telling me I was too subtle. I have not been particularly known for that. It all seems perfectly clear in my brain. Do you have suggestions? I am open, and listening. Karen
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I didn't get that. Sorry.i still enjoyed the story. Gretchen
