Death By Murder
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Death By Murder - Chap 12"A jewel heist, rival gangs and a cold case.
20 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
So this is how the mobsters get wind of the diamonds. I sure he will be following up this this phone call. It seems if things are heating up between Hank and his pardner. I'm glad you've brought him back but then he is the hero of all your latest books.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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So this is how the mobsters get wind of the diamonds. I sure he will be following up this this phone call. It seems if things are heating up between Hank and his pardner. I'm glad you've brought him back but then he is the hero of all your latest books.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Beth. I like Hank and Emmy so I am glad you too are enjoying how they are showcased at the beginning of their relationship. Barbara is looking for her Cowboy.LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from JoannaN
This is again a solid, well-written piece of writing. I especially like the last scene, with Officer Smythe being so terrified, so subservient towards Peter.
Will Officer Smythe and Officer Jamison reappear in the later parts, or will they be there only for a while?
If they are going to be an important part of the story, it would be nice to add them to the characters list.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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This is again a solid, well-written piece of writing. I especially like the last scene, with Officer Smythe being so terrified, so subservient towards Peter.
Will Officer Smythe and Officer Jamison reappear in the later parts, or will they be there only for a while?
If they are going to be an important part of the story, it would be nice to add them to the characters list.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy the story. I appreciate your thoughts and kindness.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
More complications. More people knowing about the diamonds. He said he was Terrence Smythe, but you previously mentioned Carl Smythe, but neither is in the list of characters. Maybe a typo re his name. Otherwise -well done, as always!
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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More complications. More people knowing about the diamonds. He said he was Terrence Smythe, but you previously mentioned Carl Smythe, but neither is in the list of characters. Maybe a typo re his name. Otherwise -well done, as always!
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thanks for catching my error. Appreciate it and the review.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Jay Squires
Dang git, Carol, I've forgotten how good your writing is. So unpretentious and spare. Perfect for crime dramas. Add the love elemert and today's was especially entertaining. Oh, here are a few things you might want to check out, nothing major:
All Bennie could hear was his ragged breathing. [I know this is the end of Chapter 11, but was the ragged breathing his own? Or his dad's. It's not clear, and that could prove very important, couldn't it?]
In another hour, the road would be bumper to bumper with cars. [I think that "with cars" is redundant here.]
I really enjoyed today's read, Carol. Keep 'em coming.
Jay
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Dang git, Carol, I've forgotten how good your writing is. So unpretentious and spare. Perfect for crime dramas. Add the love elemert and today's was especially entertaining. Oh, here are a few things you might want to check out, nothing major:
All Bennie could hear was his ragged breathing. [I know this is the end of Chapter 11, but was the ragged breathing his own? Or his dad's. It's not clear, and that could prove very important, couldn't it?]
In another hour, the road would be bumper to bumper with cars. [I think that "with cars" is redundant here.]
I really enjoyed today's read, Carol. Keep 'em coming.
Jay
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Fixed and appreciated.
A smile on my face thanks to your generous praise concerning my writing. I lost faith in myself for a bit and it's so encouraging to see excellent writers like yourself appreciating what I offer. Thank you so much.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
When we just go to pushing buttons randomly looking for a response, we should always listen for the tones they make. Otherwise, there might be an unwanted scream in the near future. LOL. You're awesome sweet lady! And I've missed your find stories. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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When we just go to pushing buttons randomly looking for a response, we should always listen for the tones they make. Otherwise, there might be an unwanted scream in the near future. LOL. You're awesome sweet lady! And I've missed your find stories. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Good morning, my dear friend
As you can see, I am falling behind on responding. It appears my days are designated for writing, reading, or responding. So what happened to whipping through it all at once? Guess I will have to be content with just being able to do it... like the tortoise. Thank you for reading and for your kindness.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
A very well written story. Nice flow , It would be a good tv series or movie.
I am looking forward to reading more. Interesting characters and storyline.
.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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A very well written story. Nice flow , It would be a good tv series or movie.
I am looking forward to reading more. Interesting characters and storyline.
.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy the story. I appreciate your thoughts and kindness.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Oh, no! Another couple of people interested in those diamonds. This is getting complicated. Question: You mentioned Carl Smythe, and then Terrence Smythe. Is he using a different name? Glad to hear more about Hank and Emmy, and it's cute that Sara didn't let on to Emmy that Hank had already been there. Have a blessed weekend.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Oh, no! Another couple of people interested in those diamonds. This is getting complicated. Question: You mentioned Carl Smythe, and then Terrence Smythe. Is he using a different name? Glad to hear more about Hank and Emmy, and it's cute that Sara didn't let on to Emmy that Hank had already been there. Have a blessed weekend.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Good morning, Carol
I'd like to say I climbed out of bed bright and early, but instead, it was "black" and early. This time change is horrible! So I put myself to work on FanStory since I am always behind any more. Old age is slowing me down, I guess. LOL Thanks for catching my name error, and I've corrected it. I am thrilled that you are enjoying my story. Thank you!
Hugs, Carol
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I seem to be running behind all the time lately, so I understand that feeling. Have a blessed week.
Comment from lancellot
Well done. I'm going to guess Terrance's life will not change for the better. Some things come at too high of a price.
Very good writing, with a strong ending to the chapter.
When his dad didn't respond, he tried {again. "Pop, }did you hear me?
-again, "Pop,
"Dia -- dia -- monds, {sir" Stuttering,} Smythe wiped
-sir," stuttering,
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Well done. I'm going to guess Terrance's life will not change for the better. Some things come at too high of a price.
Very good writing, with a strong ending to the chapter.
When his dad didn't respond, he tried {again. "Pop, }did you hear me?
-again, "Pop,
"Dia -- dia -- monds, {sir" Stuttering,} Smythe wiped
-sir," stuttering,
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Good morning and my apologies for being so far behind in responding. I am beyond thrilled about your review and for your assistance with my errors. More eyes and clearer minds always help with the proofing. I appreciate it very much. Have a great day!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Good story. Quite clear and not very complicated to understand. I do have a problem though: Dialogue is supposed to advance the plot and should not be written as 'conversation '. Here, though, they are quite long and stagnant. I would work more on this and focus on moving the story forward.
Good job though !!!
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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Good story. Quite clear and not very complicated to understand. I do have a problem though: Dialogue is supposed to advance the plot and should not be written as 'conversation '. Here, though, they are quite long and stagnant. I would work more on this and focus on moving the story forward.
Good job though !!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this chapter. Possibly the dialogue seems sluggish because you have missed out on the eleven earlier chapters. Thank you!
Hugs, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
You're making this story more complicated with each chapter. Your dialogue and descriptions are what make the story go from good to excellent. I'm honestly enjoying the story.
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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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You're making this story more complicated with each chapter. Your dialogue and descriptions are what make the story go from good to excellent. I'm honestly enjoying the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Hurrah! I love when someone who is following the story remains eager to read the next chapter. Thank you so much for your support and kindness.
Hugs, Carol