Phone Calls from Caroline
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Dying on the Floor"A cousin calls her younger cousin to rant.
21 total reviews
Comment from ShirleyT1
This is hilarious! I enjoyed reading your entry to the dialogue only writing contest. You did an excellent job, and I enjoyed every word of your well-written story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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This is hilarious! I enjoyed reading your entry to the dialogue only writing contest. You did an excellent job, and I enjoyed every word of your well-written story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Beth
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, what a fun contest entry, Beth. I enjoyed reading it. I like the use of the bold font for Caroline to distinguish it from you. So, she thinks since she's older then she's smarter. I wonder whatever gave her that idea. Your conversation flows smoothly with great details. I would remove the ring ring at the beginning since it isn't dialogue. Readers know this is a phone conversation.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Haha, what a fun contest entry, Beth. I enjoyed reading it. I like the use of the bold font for Caroline to distinguish it from you. So, she thinks since she's older then she's smarter. I wonder whatever gave her that idea. Your conversation flows smoothly with great details. I would remove the ring ring at the beginning since it isn't dialogue. Readers know this is a phone conversation.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the fun review. I so glad you liked this and found it funny. Every phone call I have with my cousin is a new advernture.
I wrote another conversation with her where is is planning her funeral and used the same picture. I took a few liberties but not many.
Beth
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
They are a good idea to have one of those alarms, I made sure both my parents had them, just in case. That was before Alexa came onto the scene. I really enjoyed reading this script, it was topical and true to life. Well done and good luck in the contest. :))Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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They are a good idea to have one of those alarms, I made sure both my parents had them, just in case. That was before Alexa came onto the scene. I really enjoyed reading this script, it was topical and true to life. Well done and good luck in the contest. :))Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank yIou Sandra, I appreciate the review and comments. I'm glad you liked it. My cousing is driving the alarm people nuts. She keeps setting it off and she can seem to tell them it is accident until the arrive at her door. I feel safe but if I ever feel vulnerable, I'll get one.
Beth
Comment from Begin Again
Sounds like a conversation I have had with my cousin (she had a stroke but still cares for her husband who has dementia). She calls me at 6:15 every morning and gives me instructions on what I should be doing....Really?
Caroline sounds exactly the same way. We love them but we can't win with them.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Sounds like a conversation I have had with my cousin (she had a stroke but still cares for her husband who has dementia). She calls me at 6:15 every morning and gives me instructions on what I should be doing....Really?
Caroline sounds exactly the same way. We love them but we can't win with them.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for the review. I hope I never do that to people. She is lonely and needs someone to yell at so I guess I'm it. Every day it is something new she thinks I should do.
Beth
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is an excellent post for the Dialogue Only Contest. The call is very much like many of us have received from various older relatives warning us of dangers ahead. LOL Some are quite repetetive.
God Luck in the contest.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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This is an excellent post for the Dialogue Only Contest. The call is very much like many of us have received from various older relatives warning us of dangers ahead. LOL Some are quite repetetive.
God Luck in the contest.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you Raif. I shouldn't bother arguing with her because there is no way to win but she's argued all her life and she needs a sparring partner. Mostly I let her talk and I listen.
Beth
Comment from Ben Colder
So typical. You know, no doubt have first hand about some of this. LOL.
Yes, my sister had one of those around her neck and liked to have driven the paramedics nuts. Thanks for sharing. U got my vote.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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So typical. You know, no doubt have first hand about some of this. LOL.
Yes, my sister had one of those around her neck and liked to have driven the paramedics nuts. Thanks for sharing. U got my vote.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the reivew and comments. It is a fansotry committee vote so I won't win but it was fun to write. I just had to remember what she said to me yesterday. LOL
Beth
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LOL. Is she 95? My brother-in-law saw 97.
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She will be 95 soon. You and I aren't going be grouchy like that when we get 95, are we? lol
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Got to get there first lol.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Before I reached your note, I was going to write that this was written in an extremely realistic fashion - impressive. But of course if it was actually creative fact that makes your life easier. The other excellent feature of this dialogue was that your two characters had very distinctive voices.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Before I reached your note, I was going to write that this was written in an extremely realistic fashion - impressive. But of course if it was actually creative fact that makes your life easier. The other excellent feature of this dialogue was that your two characters had very distinctive voices.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you Katherine, I really appreciate the review and the commens. I'm so glad you thought it sounded natural.
Beth
Comment from Ulla
Hehehe, this one really made me laugh. She sounds like a sprightly 95 year old with some very strong opinions.
Well written. Good luck.
A few things:
Cousib should be cousin in your subtitle.
.No, it didn't save you life. = No, it didn't save your life.
I have to say I can't agree with her on the jab. At 95 she should just have it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Hehehe, this one really made me laugh. She sounds like a sprightly 95 year old with some very strong opinions.
Well written. Good luck.
A few things:
Cousib should be cousin in your subtitle.
.No, it didn't save you life. = No, it didn't save your life.
I have to say I can't agree with her on the jab. At 95 she should just have it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much Ulla. I glad you got a laugh and I appreciate you noticing the things that needed work.
Beth
Comment from royowen
Yes, I've had those conversations before, and with old, cranky people like your Caroline. I go that from my my mother all my life, she always said she knew more because she was older, even when I was fifty, she argued about cricket, even though she never watched, or followed, I'd played most of my life, but because she was older she'd argue, sheesh! Beautifully written Beth, excellent job, blessings Roy
Typo : You're liable (to) break something.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Yes, I've had those conversations before, and with old, cranky people like your Caroline. I go that from my my mother all my life, she always said she knew more because she was older, even when I was fifty, she argued about cricket, even though she never watched, or followed, I'd played most of my life, but because she was older she'd argue, sheesh! Beautifully written Beth, excellent job, blessings Roy
Typo : You're liable (to) break something.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you for a great review and for giving me six stars. Caroline is quite a character and she gives me a hard time but I know she is lonely and needs some one to yell, so I guess that's me. LOL
Beth
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Heh heh, my mum was Caroline, I know what it feels like.
Comment from lyenochka
This is why I hope you write more scripts, Beth! Your dialogue is marvelous and so full of fun humor and great characterization! And you give us a very important message, too. I think this will do well in the contest!
Missing word:
Caroline, don't you have enough [to] worry about without worrying about me?
Unnecessary word:
I'll yell at my Alexis to call to 911. (call 911)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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This is why I hope you write more scripts, Beth! Your dialogue is marvelous and so full of fun humor and great characterization! And you give us a very important message, too. I think this will do well in the contest!
Missing word:
Caroline, don't you have enough [to] worry about without worrying about me?
Unnecessary word:
I'll yell at my Alexis to call to 911. (call 911)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2021
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Thank you Helen. it is good to know that your like the dialogue and find humor in the script. I'm glad you noticed those errors.
Beth
