The Killing Wall
Ready... Aim... Listen37 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Confusing story, it is the Covid or a real death row or correctional facility. I do like an odd mystery and your story just lets me with that question lingering: What is this about? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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Confusing story, it is the Covid or a real death row or correctional facility. I do like an odd mystery and your story just lets me with that question lingering: What is this about? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Iza. In my head I was thinking of the foreign legion. But it really makes no difference.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is an interesting seventy-five-word story, Jay. I like the first-person accounting of what is a last analysis. The impossible-to-imagine position of facing a firing squad is described so we see the squad, know how many 'targets', and know that the narrator has voided his bladder (likely in concert with his fellow executionees).
What I am having a problem with is the matching number of executioners to bullet catchers. With a blank round, won't one survive? Is that why we have a narrator?
I have heard the phrase, "You'll never hear the bullet" before, as it speaks to the speed of the slug versus the speed of sound. I can safely assume it wasn't Socrates, as he was still talking about the probability of gunpowder a half a century before guns. Of course, facing a firing squad, I might get my historical facts mixed up. Or, maybe I am now.
Great story in seventy-five words though. The readers enter the scene and anticipate the worst.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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This is an interesting seventy-five-word story, Jay. I like the first-person accounting of what is a last analysis. The impossible-to-imagine position of facing a firing squad is described so we see the squad, know how many 'targets', and know that the narrator has voided his bladder (likely in concert with his fellow executionees).
What I am having a problem with is the matching number of executioners to bullet catchers. With a blank round, won't one survive? Is that why we have a narrator?
I have heard the phrase, "You'll never hear the bullet" before, as it speaks to the speed of the slug versus the speed of sound. I can safely assume it wasn't Socrates, as he was still talking about the probability of gunpowder a half a century before guns. Of course, facing a firing squad, I might get my historical facts mixed up. Or, maybe I am now.
Great story in seventy-five words though. The readers enter the scene and anticipate the worst.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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But it got your thinking, right Bill? I love your analytic take on this. Jim, Peergynt, was also analytic, and it seemed a little irritated. Who was the blank for? his thinking ran. For the prisoners? That would be cruel? What do the authorities do, just let him go afterward? For the shooters, not to feel the guilt of murder? That would be bullshit. The rifle firing the blank would not have a recoil. He would know immediately.
In fact, it was merely fiction, including the added improbability of what 75 words impose. It was fun to write, and I hope fun for readers to read.
To me comes the bonus of having analytics like you and Jim casting the nets of your minds over it.
Thanks, Bill.
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I hope I did not sound nitpicky. I am just now re-thinking the inclusion of Socrates and the explosion of questions which are created by reading this short story.
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Oh, hell no! There was not an ounce of nitpickiness, Bill. I loved the dialogue.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay I read your
75 Words Flash Fiction contest entry
How I wish I had a six rating- your words had me feel the fear of each of the ten youths. Jay, you know how to make your 75 words So vivid.
Gert
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Hello Jay I read your
75 Words Flash Fiction contest entry
How I wish I had a six rating- your words had me feel the fear of each of the ten youths. Jay, you know how to make your 75 words So vivid.
Gert
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Gert. With your kind words, a six isn't necessary. I'm thrilled it moved you.
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You are so welcome Jay
Gert
Comment from Wendy G
How vivid this is. And very well-written also, although the theme is not a pleasant one. The atmosphere is built up slowly, and the ending is left unsaid, unneeded. Best wishes for the contest.
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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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How vivid this is. And very well-written also, although the theme is not a pleasant one. The atmosphere is built up slowly, and the ending is left unsaid, unneeded. Best wishes for the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Wendy.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Wow! What a powerful way to tell a story in so few words. Powerful punch indeed. Full of suspense. Can'timagine the terror passing through the guys facing the bullet.Great ending. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Wow! What a powerful way to tell a story in so few words. Powerful punch indeed. Full of suspense. Can'timagine the terror passing through the guys facing the bullet.Great ending. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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I am so pleased you liked this piece, Seshadri. It was quite a challenge to write. Thanks for the well wishes.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! As a new writer on FanStory (posted my first piece last month), I had to read this story two times in order to analyze how you creatively made every word carry the story forward, as you put the reader in the story. Within the first three sentences we know you are one of ten young men, masked with hands bound behind you as you face a pocked wall. Oh yah, you had already seen your executioner. I know a six star piece when I read one.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Wow! As a new writer on FanStory (posted my first piece last month), I had to read this story two times in order to analyze how you creatively made every word carry the story forward, as you put the reader in the story. Within the first three sentences we know you are one of ten young men, masked with hands bound behind you as you face a pocked wall. Oh yah, you had already seen your executioner. I know a six star piece when I read one.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Awwww, Lorraine, thank you so much. For the six, as well as your kind words.
Comment from amada
This is a great short flash fiction story. It kept me in suspense, but unfortunately I didn't understand the ending. I will ask my husband to deciphr it for me, I just know, it is not something good.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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This is a great short flash fiction story. It kept me in suspense, but unfortunately I didn't understand the ending. I will ask my husband to deciphr it for me, I just know, it is not something good.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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No, the only good coming from it is if he hears the shots. Thanks for reading, Amada, and for your kind words.
Comment from damommy
I can't imagine the terror one would feel in such a situation. I think I'd be praying they would do it quickly and get it over. I'd probably faint and they'd have to shoot me where I lay. (Pssst. Socrates couldn't have said that, but I'm not telling. hahaha)
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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I can't imagine the terror one would feel in such a situation. I think I'd be praying they would do it quickly and get it over. I'd probably faint and they'd have to shoot me where I lay. (Pssst. Socrates couldn't have said that, but I'm not telling. hahaha)
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Hahaha, keep it our secret about Socrates, Damommy. Thanks so much for reading.
Comment from Pantygynt
I have never understood the myth of the blank cartridge in the firing squad. I have been told it is so no one knows who was the executioner. That is clearly rubbish as anyone who has ever fired a weapon knows. There is no 'kick' of recoil from a blank.
This story puts a slightly different twist on to the myth. There seems to be an awful lot of weak bladders here!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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I have never understood the myth of the blank cartridge in the firing squad. I have been told it is so no one knows who was the executioner. That is clearly rubbish as anyone who has ever fired a weapon knows. There is no 'kick' of recoil from a blank.
This story puts a slightly different twist on to the myth. There seems to be an awful lot of weak bladders here!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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I connect it with the Foreign Legion, and it is most likely a myth, arising out of their WWII popularity. It just seemed to fit with my story. Thank you for forcing a bit of reality on me.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written seventy five word flash fiction about the execution wall and the hope the blank will be aimed at you, but you never heard the shot and it seems you are not on earth anymore.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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A very well-written seventy five word flash fiction about the execution wall and the hope the blank will be aimed at you, but you never heard the shot and it seems you are not on earth anymore.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Sandra. I stopped the story before the untranslated "fire" was pronounced. I would have needed five or six more words for that.