The Voyager
A poem describing myself143 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
I appreciate you personal journey to discover/ seize your own spirituality. Just be more conscious of flow/ musicality of language. You have a lot of unnecessary end stops and words like orifices Don't fit in describing the heart. Sometimes, I dust off old poems , virtually 're-writing the whole thing. Old works usually require complete rewrites. This one feels like you patched it up.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
  |
I appreciate you personal journey to discover/ seize your own spirituality. Just be more conscious of flow/ musicality of language. You have a lot of unnecessary end stops and words like orifices Don't fit in describing the heart. Sometimes, I dust off old poems , virtually 're-writing the whole thing. Old works usually require complete rewrites. This one feels like you patched it up.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Raven.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with find/mind...old/cold...hope/cope.... Good alliteration with hold/him...heart/harmony...like/living...since/seven...forebodings/fright...can't/cry...can not/cope...spirit/so. Good descriptive and humble message that holds my attention from start to finish.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with find/mind...old/cold...hope/cope.... Good alliteration with hold/him...heart/harmony...like/living...since/seven...forebodings/fright...can't/cry...can not/cope...spirit/so. Good descriptive and humble message that holds my attention from start to finish.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Riter.
Comment from Kingsland
Ah... But we are all forsaken on the godless planet we call Earth. There is no one to give you what you need but your own self. Awareness can be a bitch, especially when the day comes when you awaken to the truth. That there is no Superman in a telephone booth. No one out there that can save anyone, but yourself. As you can tell by my response, I disagree with your over all position in this poem. But the poem itself is well written and you'll find many who will agree with your thoughts in it. This is a five star production. I don't have to agree with everything I read to know that it is well written... John
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Ah... But we are all forsaken on the godless planet we call Earth. There is no one to give you what you need but your own self. Awareness can be a bitch, especially when the day comes when you awaken to the truth. That there is no Superman in a telephone booth. No one out there that can save anyone, but yourself. As you can tell by my response, I disagree with your over all position in this poem. But the poem itself is well written and you'll find many who will agree with your thoughts in it. This is a five star production. I don't have to agree with everything I read to know that it is well written... John
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you John.
Comment from Leineco
You tell the tale poetically
of the struggle so many live;
the search for truth and meaning of
their place in God's unfolding plan;
sometimes they soar, sometimes they plunge
but still, they keep on questing
until one day they just give in
and give themselves to God.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
You tell the tale poetically
of the struggle so many live;
the search for truth and meaning of
their place in God's unfolding plan;
sometimes they soar, sometimes they plunge
but still, they keep on questing
until one day they just give in
and give themselves to God.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Leinco.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A fine faith poem in ten good stanzas which mostly sticks to the abcb rhyme form. The message is good and although the line lengths vary a good deal it is still reasonably easy to read and perhaps changing the meter might spoi the message. A good read and a very good picture. You have a lovely name - do you play the piano?LOL Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
A fine faith poem in ten good stanzas which mostly sticks to the abcb rhyme form. The message is good and although the line lengths vary a good deal it is still reasonably easy to read and perhaps changing the meter might spoi the message. A good read and a very good picture. You have a lovely name - do you play the piano?LOL Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Dorothy. I've tried playing the piano.
-
Yes, But are you as good as THE Chopin - any relation? Dorothy
-
I think he's probably my great, great grandfather. No indeed that man's talent was just incredible.
Comment from kiwijenny
I read Pilgrims Progress to my children......it is an epic story and you achieved this in your poem......well done ................
God bless
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
I read Pilgrims Progress to my children......it is an epic story and you achieved this in your poem......well done ................
God bless
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Jenny.
Comment from Gabrieltheswifter
Beautifully passionate and I can feel the true emotion here. I saw that the rhythm faltered in some places, the rhyme sceme was nice though and if you work on the meter just a slight bit more, this poem would be just perfect. :P truly a joy to read someone so passionate and willing to give it all to God.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Beautifully passionate and I can feel the true emotion here. I saw that the rhythm faltered in some places, the rhyme sceme was nice though and if you work on the meter just a slight bit more, this poem would be just perfect. :P truly a joy to read someone so passionate and willing to give it all to God.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Gabriel.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Justin,
This is a thoughtful poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. I assume the change of tense was deliberate. Each verse is well composed, with expressive word choices and an even flow. You have good alliteration and enjambments and the message is superb. Virtual six. Well done, chey
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Hi Justin,
This is a thoughtful poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. I assume the change of tense was deliberate. Each verse is well composed, with expressive word choices and an even flow. You have good alliteration and enjambments and the message is superb. Virtual six. Well done, chey
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Chey.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
Sometimes that search can be trying as satan tries everything he can to mislead us. This is well-written is shares an honest searching for the Creator of Heaven and Earth. Good job. God loves you and we do too.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Sometimes that search can be trying as satan tries everything he can to mislead us. This is well-written is shares an honest searching for the Creator of Heaven and Earth. Good job. God loves you and we do too.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Evelyn.
Comment from ELumpkins
Great piece of work. There are a lot of folks who live this story daily. They try but fail or expect too much for their efforts. Good, well written post. I hope the author has found what he has been searching for since the age of seven.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
|
Great piece of work. There are a lot of folks who live this story daily. They try but fail or expect too much for their efforts. Good, well written post. I hope the author has found what he has been searching for since the age of seven.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Lumpkins.