CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Warmth Lies Dormant"A collection of poetry
131 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
Sixteezkid,
This poem is well written although haiku has no capital letters. That is what I have learned here at fanstory.
Go back and change the capital letters to small letters and it will be written the right way.
There was nothing else wrong.
If you have any problems then let me know. I was the #1 reviewer for 2007. The people here know who I am. LOL
Fanstory is a large classroom and we are here to help each other.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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Sixteezkid,
This poem is well written although haiku has no capital letters. That is what I have learned here at fanstory.
Go back and change the capital letters to small letters and it will be written the right way.
There was nothing else wrong.
If you have any problems then let me know. I was the #1 reviewer for 2007. The people here know who I am. LOL
Fanstory is a large classroom and we are here to help each other.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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Hello Oatmeal...Your review is so much appreciated! I have been on the net for eons and have never met such an awesome group of people. Very helpful, indeed! AND, I thank you for your comments on the capital letters. I ran to the editing room and changed it!! Looks SO much better. (I haven't responded to your most wonderful review on my other poem because I have had a rough couple of days and have been crying a lot tonight). I was so moved. Will respond tomorrow. My warmest regards, Sue
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Sue,
Please do not cry......I used to cry a lot but today I cry only happy tears.
If you need to talk then let me know. Many authors here call me and when they are feeling down and together we are healing.
I have a lot of things going on but I wanted to come back here and see how my friends are doing.
I write children's stories. I love you.
One day at a time....
Love you,
Camille
Comment from SunlitWhisper
Lovely Haiku with three seasons makes for a nice clever write. Good basic choice of picture and color to match.
Good luck in the contest
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Lovely Haiku with three seasons makes for a nice clever write. Good basic choice of picture and color to match.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from joan marie
A wonderful Haiku. It takes me back a long way to where I grew up, New Hampshire. The picture and words meld perfectly to create a warm image for me. When I see snow I think of fireplaces and hot chocolate. Great contest entry. Good luck. joan marie
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A wonderful Haiku. It takes me back a long way to where I grew up, New Hampshire. The picture and words meld perfectly to create a warm image for me. When I see snow I think of fireplaces and hot chocolate. Great contest entry. Good luck. joan marie
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from WordPainter
You've skillfully combined three seasons of vision into this perfect 5-7-5 haiku! I feel the bite and see the blanched earth, I am warmed by remerbrance autumn's colors now consumed, and as I survey it all I wait for spring.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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You've skillfully combined three seasons of vision into this perfect 5-7-5 haiku! I feel the bite and see the blanched earth, I am warmed by remerbrance autumn's colors now consumed, and as I survey it all I wait for spring.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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WordPainter, you're painting some pretty awesome words right here in this review!!! Almost a poem! HA! Thanks for the great review and lovely comments. Very much appreciated with regards, Sue
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You are very welcome, Sue. If I painted anything, you get the credit, as it was your inspiring poetry that brought it to be.
Bless you,
Lois
Comment from lennis
These little short ones are so hard to review...but, you've done a good job of getting to the essence of winter, using wonderful imagery of winter 'biting' autumn. Good work.
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These little short ones are so hard to review...but, you've done a good job of getting to the essence of winter, using wonderful imagery of winter 'biting' autumn. Good work.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from bard owl
What a thoughtful haiku. Winter does indeed blanche the vibrant autumn colors. What can the frozen ground do but wait out the winter's blast? Excellent imagery. Blessings to you, Linda
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What a thoughtful haiku. Winter does indeed blanche the vibrant autumn colors. What can the frozen ground do but wait out the winter's blast? Excellent imagery. Blessings to you, Linda
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from Curt Mongold
I think this is the first haiku I've read that has a triple kigo in it! Most people disdain the use of the word "the" in a haiku, and you may get some comments about it. May I suggest you change it to somethiing morre descriptive like "hard" or "cold?"
Great work.
Sincerely,
Curt
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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I think this is the first haiku I've read that has a triple kigo in it! Most people disdain the use of the word "the" in a haiku, and you may get some comments about it. May I suggest you change it to somethiing morre descriptive like "hard" or "cold?"
Great work.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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not too much alliteration??? Like your idea, but just thinking
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or.....still ground waits for spring???? or too soft? I kind of worried about the 3 seasons in one..ha!! But thought, what the hay!! It's progressive, right...as seasons are!
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I liked the reference to 3 seasons myself! As you say it's progressive, yet follows the guidelines of haiku, which is very inventive to me. I know that I posted a haiku with "the" in it, and got a lot of flak for it, even though those who did knock it didn't know much about haiku at all. I never changed it, becuase if you know the rules well enough, you know when you can bend them, or even break them. My suggestion was only for the benefit of those who would think it a wasteful word when another descriptor could be easily used.
Happy writing!
Curt
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Well, I have not heard one word (not even a whisper -ha!) about the "THE" !!
Fingers crossed!!
So much thanks,
Sue
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Well shit! Why are they so hard on me then? LOL!
Curt
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LAUGHING ALL OVER MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!! Stomach is hurting!!!!!!
Comment from debskatz
Hi Sixteezkid,
If I look at this poem as simply a poem & not a haiku, I would say that it is quite lovely & give it 5 stars absolutely.
From what I understand about haiku, it is supposed to use concrete imagery to describe a single moment in time. And going by that, this poem does not fit those requirements. Your poem is a general non-concrete description.
However, it is a very lovely poem.
smiles,
deb
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Hi Sixteezkid,
If I look at this poem as simply a poem & not a haiku, I would say that it is quite lovely & give it 5 stars absolutely.
From what I understand about haiku, it is supposed to use concrete imagery to describe a single moment in time. And going by that, this poem does not fit those requirements. Your poem is a general non-concrete description.
However, it is a very lovely poem.
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from Nicnac
I love this!
Excellent Haiku.
This has a great 'feel' and paints a fabulous picture in my mind.
I think the artwork fits your haiku perfectly!
Winter's bite blanches - great wording.
Warmth Lies Dormant - great title.
A Haikus isn't my favorite type of poetry... LOL - but this is really nice. It caused me to 'feel' the words.
No revisions.
~Nic
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I love this!
Excellent Haiku.
This has a great 'feel' and paints a fabulous picture in my mind.
I think the artwork fits your haiku perfectly!
Winter's bite blanches - great wording.
Warmth Lies Dormant - great title.
A Haikus isn't my favorite type of poetry... LOL - but this is really nice. It caused me to 'feel' the words.
No revisions.
~Nic
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
Comment from fayesh
I thought the thought behind this 5-7-5 haiku was a good one, but the last line needs some work. Since you used the metaphor of "eating" in "bite", "consuming", why not carry it into the third line - A (hungry) spring waits"
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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I thought the thought behind this 5-7-5 haiku was a good one, but the last line needs some work. Since you used the metaphor of "eating" in "bite", "consuming", why not carry it into the third line - A (hungry) spring waits"
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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Ahhhh! Excellent suggestion. My first haiku, so I really appreciate your input! I can see where you're going with this. Since it is in a contest, I'm not sure I can tinker with it. Will HIGHLY consider! As always, I regard your comments with respect...Thank you for your most kind review! Regards, Sue