What Drives Us
What happens when we fear losing what we hold most dear7 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This twenty-syllable poem, What Drives Us, asks the question we need to all want to know the answer to...Where are we headed?
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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This twenty-syllable poem, What Drives Us, asks the question we need to all want to know the answer to...Where are we headed?
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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👍
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
I like that you are using this poem to address an important issue. Our world and leaders are in need of change, but not the rapid change it's going through! I agreed with your 20 well-chosen syllables. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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I like that you are using this poem to address an important issue. Our world and leaders are in need of change, but not the rapid change it's going through! I agreed with your 20 well-chosen syllables. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thanks
Comment from michaelcahill
You have some nice thoughtful sentiments here and certainly a lot to contemplate. However, you are short in your syllable count. You have 14 and the contest calls for 20. An easy fix and you have plenty of time. A strong entry. Looking forward to your finished entry. Good luck. mike
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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You have some nice thoughtful sentiments here and certainly a lot to contemplate. However, you are short in your syllable count. You have 14 and the contest calls for 20. An easy fix and you have plenty of time. A strong entry. Looking forward to your finished entry. Good luck. mike
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Thanks!!
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Your welcome! I see you added a couple syllables. Four more to go and you've got it done. :))
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Fear keeps all tyrants in power and it takes guts to overthrow them. The problem is they are often replaced by another tyrant. If you are a moderate thinker in these totalitarian countries you are soon side-stepped. Your poem is poignant and speaks of treachery and bullying at the highest level, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Fear keeps all tyrants in power and it takes guts to overthrow them. The problem is they are often replaced by another tyrant. If you are a moderate thinker in these totalitarian countries you are soon side-stepped. Your poem is poignant and speaks of treachery and bullying at the highest level, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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You are kind
Comment from RodG
Psychology 101 in only 20 syllables. Succinct and very plausible.
I also like the subtle use of rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Psychology 101 in only 20 syllables. Succinct and very plausible.
I also like the subtle use of rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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I have a math teaching credential but can't count
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I never stopped to count. Good luck revising.
Comment from Miriam Collins
A little bit confusing at first, in the beginning. But wonderful ending! "Fear of losing something dear" are very powerful words. I like that you used the word "intolerance", I think its very interesting. I kept getting hung up on that word, it made me uncomfortable and it made me think, which is exactly what you want your readers to do and feel.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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A little bit confusing at first, in the beginning. But wonderful ending! "Fear of losing something dear" are very powerful words. I like that you used the word "intolerance", I think its very interesting. I kept getting hung up on that word, it made me uncomfortable and it made me think, which is exactly what you want your readers to do and feel.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Hurray for me my fish three -
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image.
-Syllable count is good.
-You have used your words well.
-They reinforce some of the ideas in your notes.
-The message is also a good one
in the concluding lines.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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-A good image.
-Syllable count is good.
-You have used your words well.
-They reinforce some of the ideas in your notes.
-The message is also a good one
in the concluding lines.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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I have a math teaching credential and counted the syllables many times - you might imagine I'm not employed as a teacher. Thanks, I'll revise
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Hate/Fear/and/ In/tol/er/ance/
The/ cause/ Los/ing/ Some/thing/ Dear
I am afraid you made it too short. Try an
adjective or two for the single words.
Example: Extreme hate Deep fear
Good luck. Try howmanysyllables.com for
help; you can even put the whole poem in there and it will give you the total syllables.