Car Bomb
Stranded stranger seeks help. Should he get it?45 total reviews
Comment from RoDanni
Great writing! And great story. Nobody trusts anybody anymore. This is the kind of story that exemplifies white privilege, and still people don't get it. It's not so much about getting special favors or accomplishments you didn't have to work hard for. It's about living a life you take for granted--you don't even have to consider issues in your daily life that people of color have to be watchful of at all times. The privilege of not having to consider your skin color before ringing someone's doorbell for help. Thank you for a great story, Roseanne
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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Great writing! And great story. Nobody trusts anybody anymore. This is the kind of story that exemplifies white privilege, and still people don't get it. It's not so much about getting special favors or accomplishments you didn't have to work hard for. It's about living a life you take for granted--you don't even have to consider issues in your daily life that people of color have to be watchful of at all times. The privilege of not having to consider your skin color before ringing someone's doorbell for help. Thank you for a great story, Roseanne
Comment Written 27-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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Yes, Roseanne, because of the color of one's skin, one has to think twice about playing the part of a Good Samaritan. Your doorbell comment reminded me of an incident that happened a month before the incident I described in my story. I found a wallet in the street and was going to return it in person but I decided the risk was too high that I could be shot if I showed up unannounced on someone's doorstep. So I gave the wallet to the police instead to return. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Angela VA
I can't believe you didn't get first place with this. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. It's eye-opening and gives great insight. I'm glad you chose to help.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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I can't believe you didn't get first place with this. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. It's eye-opening and gives great insight. I'm glad you chose to help.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Yes, Angela, you are the second reviewer who said that. I appreciate placing on the winner's podium anyhow. maybe next time I will be on top. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from humpwhistle
Good stuff, Andre. The inner/outer dialogues work perfectly.
I get a sense that time stops, then restarts several times.
Decisions must be made, and they can't be made in haste.
The knife is a complicated complication. An offering? Or a threat?
We live in times when such questions must be asked.
This is a very well-crafted account, Andre. Told from an unusual perspective, constructed on an unusual platform.
Congratulations on your second-place finish. It could have gone the other way.
On many levels, our stories represent two sides of the same coin.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
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Good stuff, Andre. The inner/outer dialogues work perfectly.
I get a sense that time stops, then restarts several times.
Decisions must be made, and they can't be made in haste.
The knife is a complicated complication. An offering? Or a threat?
We live in times when such questions must be asked.
This is a very well-crafted account, Andre. Told from an unusual perspective, constructed on an unusual platform.
Congratulations on your second-place finish. It could have gone the other way.
On many levels, our stories represent two sides of the same coin.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 19-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
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Oh, thank you, Lee, for your generous, six star review. I feel so honored to place in this contest and share the podium with you. You are right, "On many levels, our stories represent two sides of the same coin."
Once again, thanks and congratulations.
Comment from trumby
This always makes me feel a lot better too. Helping a stranger for no reward actually has biblical connotations.
As you have pointed out though. It's not the way that people usually act, so most people are very distrustful of your actions at the start.When they find out that you are actually trying to help them though, it's quite usual to get a reaction like the one that you got from Gabino.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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This always makes me feel a lot better too. Helping a stranger for no reward actually has biblical connotations.
As you have pointed out though. It's not the way that people usually act, so most people are very distrustful of your actions at the start.When they find out that you are actually trying to help them though, it's quite usual to get a reaction like the one that you got from Gabino.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2017
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Yes, Trumby, both Gabino and I were astounded by each other. He thought I was going to take off with his money and leave him stranded. Not only was I surprised that he was still there after half an hour, but that I had put aside my fears long enough to help him. His reaction was unlike anything I have every witnessed before.
Thanks for giving my story its last review before the promotion expired. This journey has been great thanks to reviewers like you.
Comment from JDRBAR
Very well written, and quite interesting from a racial point of view. I would have expected this to be written by a white man. I never gave any consideration to the fear a black man would feel under the circumstances. It's a shame for mankind to fear each other under any circumstances.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Very well written, and quite interesting from a racial point of view. I would have expected this to be written by a white man. I never gave any consideration to the fear a black man would feel under the circumstances. It's a shame for mankind to fear each other under any circumstances.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Yes, JDRBAR, the racial point of view makes my story interesting and speaks to mankind's fears. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Terrific story. I didn't realize it was true till I saw the name of the contest--non-fiction. So he was really afraid you, a fellow black man, would cheat him? And he was afraid to ask a white man, too. How does a guy like that function in the world, being afraid of everyone?
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Terrific story. I didn't realize it was true till I saw the name of the contest--non-fiction. So he was really afraid you, a fellow black man, would cheat him? And he was afraid to ask a white man, too. How does a guy like that function in the world, being afraid of everyone?
Comment Written 31-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Yes, Phyllis, functioning in this world is hard if one fears everyone due to race. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is so awesomely written, Sis Cat. I was there the entire time. Totally loved it. It mu st have been frightening, however, but you handled it with heart and soul.
I have a couple of comments that may sound weird, but having written and been reading for many years, I thought you might understand.
When you left to pick up the gas, there isn't any description as to the way to the gas station or how long it took. On the way back, there is the awesome lengthy scenes. Just something to consider for your next story. Also, I am not one for italics. I just think there is too much of it here which is, to me, distracting. You are writing from deep point of view, from what I can tell, and much of the story is your thoughts.
I hope this is not confusing, but rather something to google.
Drew
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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This is so awesomely written, Sis Cat. I was there the entire time. Totally loved it. It mu st have been frightening, however, but you handled it with heart and soul.
I have a couple of comments that may sound weird, but having written and been reading for many years, I thought you might understand.
When you left to pick up the gas, there isn't any description as to the way to the gas station or how long it took. On the way back, there is the awesome lengthy scenes. Just something to consider for your next story. Also, I am not one for italics. I just think there is too much of it here which is, to me, distracting. You are writing from deep point of view, from what I can tell, and much of the story is your thoughts.
I hope this is not confusing, but rather something to google.
Drew
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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Oh, thank you, Drew, for your generous, six star review and suggestions.
I decided to do an abrupt cut to the gas station scene. The trip to it was uneventful, but the trip back down Dead Man's Curve with a gas can behind my seat was frightening.
Your comments about the italics are understandable, but I wanted to portray the thoughts of two people having a silent conversation. In a different story, I may handle the italics differently.
I am glad you enjoyed the ride anyhow. Thanks.
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Great writing! So glad I stopped here to read.
Comment from Kalimba Fire
You wrote from a deep knowledge of the chasm that divides us in the US. Being an African American woman, I heard, saw, and felt every note you wrote.
. . . just one small, very minor thing: . . . the man shifted in his muddy workbooks, shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. "No."
Workbooks should be workboots?Looking forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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You wrote from a deep knowledge of the chasm that divides us in the US. Being an African American woman, I heard, saw, and felt every note you wrote.
. . . just one small, very minor thing: . . . the man shifted in his muddy workbooks, shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. "No."
Workbooks should be workboots?Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Kalimba Fire, for your excellent review and for your catch of "work boots." I deeply appreciate it. I am glad you heard, saw, and felt every note I wrote.
Comment from estory
I think you have a great good Samaritan story here, but also a story of complicated race relations and assumptions and stereotypes that overshadow our interactions. You jump right into the action with this moment of someone who needs help, with a knife in his hand. the tension is high, the mistrust sharp and thick and dark in the air. But somehow you struggle through it to help the guy out. then there is this incident at the gas station that also is a bit subtly strained, when the clerk has to show you how to pump the gas. But again, you struggle through it, and in the end, helping others leads to a relief, a release of tensions. the lasting image of the thankful guy you helped is almost like a monument of humanity in a troubled time. Very interesting, challenging story, very subtle, more complicated than it appears on the surface. estory
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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I think you have a great good Samaritan story here, but also a story of complicated race relations and assumptions and stereotypes that overshadow our interactions. You jump right into the action with this moment of someone who needs help, with a knife in his hand. the tension is high, the mistrust sharp and thick and dark in the air. But somehow you struggle through it to help the guy out. then there is this incident at the gas station that also is a bit subtly strained, when the clerk has to show you how to pump the gas. But again, you struggle through it, and in the end, helping others leads to a relief, a release of tensions. the lasting image of the thankful guy you helped is almost like a monument of humanity in a troubled time. Very interesting, challenging story, very subtle, more complicated than it appears on the surface. estory
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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Oh, thank you, estory, for your generous review of my complicated, challenging story on race relations. I struggled to help the guy and find a way safe enough for me to give him help, although that Dead Man's Curve ride with a gas can behind my seat was hair raising. His joy when I returned was unlike anything I have experienced before in my life. Thanks again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written nonfiction story. It is more dangerous to get stranded on the road these days without gas or without a cellphone to find help from someone we can trust than it is to ride on the dangerous roads where an accident can happen at any time.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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A very well-written nonfiction story. It is more dangerous to get stranded on the road these days without gas or without a cellphone to find help from someone we can trust than it is to ride on the dangerous roads where an accident can happen at any time.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your review of my story and for your comments on the dangers of being stranded on the roads today.