This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Veronica Meets Daveth"Veronica is sent back again
36 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Sandra,
Just popping in to read a few chapters of your second book today.
- "All I can say, is I hope you're right." - I'm not sure you need a comma there. It doesn't look right to me.
- "...so how much (further) in the past am I now" - I think it should be farther as it measures a distance in time.
- "as I moved further into the kitchen..." - again I believe you are measuring distance so it should be farther. I always think of "far" as found in the word, farther. Further means a little more. Like I can't study any further tonight as I'm too tired.
- "it certainly didn't look very appetising..." - appetizing
I hope to read a few more chapters later this afternoon.
You're not in a body this time. How exciting. 1846 is even more exciting. I love your imagination!
Joy xx
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Hi Sandra,
Just popping in to read a few chapters of your second book today.
- "All I can say, is I hope you're right." - I'm not sure you need a comma there. It doesn't look right to me.
- "...so how much (further) in the past am I now" - I think it should be farther as it measures a distance in time.
- "as I moved further into the kitchen..." - again I believe you are measuring distance so it should be farther. I always think of "far" as found in the word, farther. Further means a little more. Like I can't study any further tonight as I'm too tired.
- "it certainly didn't look very appetising..." - appetizing
I hope to read a few more chapters later this afternoon.
You're not in a body this time. How exciting. 1846 is even more exciting. I love your imagination!
Joy xx
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Oh, bless your lovely heart, Joy! Thank you so very much! I'll get straight on to that part and make the corrections now. You are amazing! :)) Sandra xxxxxx
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Awwww shucks. Flattery gets you everywhere. lol!
Comment from wordsfromsue
Ooh, how's Veronica going to handle this on her own?
It'll be interesting to see what she'll do with only her knowledge to rely on.
Upon initial reading, I didn't see any corrections. Am enjoying the direction of the story.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Ooh, how's Veronica going to handle this on her own?
It'll be interesting to see what she'll do with only her knowledge to rely on.
Upon initial reading, I didn't see any corrections. Am enjoying the direction of the story.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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You are so good, my friend, I know you'll be honest and tell me if something doesn't work. I needn't ask you to Beta Read if you do it all now!!!!!! LOL. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, just slowed down for a minute...so I wanted to try and catch up a few...I wish Veronica would drop by my place...I have a few people I would like to go back and chat with...darn...wonder what this Daveth is all about...and why she went back so far...very well written sweet angel...and love your picture choice...NEXT...love you so Linda xxoo I am out of sixes...******
hit the wrong botton...
I hope everyone is feeling better...tell Ian hi for me...and you are all in my prayers...love to all...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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HI Sandra, just slowed down for a minute...so I wanted to try and catch up a few...I wish Veronica would drop by my place...I have a few people I would like to go back and chat with...darn...wonder what this Daveth is all about...and why she went back so far...very well written sweet angel...and love your picture choice...NEXT...love you so Linda xxoo I am out of sixes...******
hit the wrong botton...
I hope everyone is feeling better...tell Ian hi for me...and you are all in my prayers...love to all...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 09-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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You take it carefully, Linda, I don't want to hear you are ill again. I think I'll get in the habit of checking on you by e-mail if I haven't seen you on FS for a while. Do you read your mail much?
Thank you, my dear friend, for reading this part and for your lovely fun review. I'd love to go back and visit a few people too, my parents mostly, their deaths still cause me so much pain. But, we will all meet up again, Linda, AND I'll get to meet you too!!!!! How good is that?? Love you too, my friend. Always. Big hugs. Sandra.
I've sent you a PM. xxxx
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Hi sweetgirl, I am reading it more now...you write when ever you want...I'm hoping things will slow down soon...I think it would be wonderful to meet you...you are an angel...and always sooooooo very welcome...love always you...Linda xxoo
Comment from frogbook
Sounds like a whole new cast of characters. Great dialogue in the difficult to maintain accents. I forgot only certain people would be able to see. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Sounds like a whole new cast of characters. Great dialogue in the difficult to maintain accents. I forgot only certain people would be able to see. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Yes, more people coming in, but the main characters will be there too, Mildred is never far away, and James will be around a lot too. Thank you for another lovely review, JoAnn, I really appreciate it. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from rwilliam
Good chapter. I enjoyed learning that he thought Ann and her daughter where dreamt up. Cool twist.
You did a wonderful job with writing the accent. I am so curious to see where this story goes.
Congratulations on the awards.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Good chapter. I enjoyed learning that he thought Ann and her daughter where dreamt up. Cool twist.
You did a wonderful job with writing the accent. I am so curious to see where this story goes.
Congratulations on the awards.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Rebecca, for your lovely. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Rasmine
I didn't notice anything wrong with it, if I read it. This is a good read, I found no errors, and truly enjoyed the little boy's reaction. I especially liked the swearing. :P
Can't wait to the next!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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I didn't notice anything wrong with it, if I read it. This is a good read, I found no errors, and truly enjoyed the little boy's reaction. I especially liked the swearing. :P
Can't wait to the next!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Rasmine, for his lovely review. I'm so pleased you liked Daveth's reactions to poking Veronica, I had fun with that part. Big hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
I enjoyed meeting Daveth. Having only read the synopsis of the first, I do question one aspect in particular. Veronica inhabited a corporeal body on previous time travels, yet here she seems to appear as a ghost. You do mention she thinks it is strange, but I would expect a much bigger reaction right after "Why didn't me mam see ya?" if this is drastically different. I do like the transitional flow and the character introductions, well achieved through the dialogue, but perhaps would like a bit more visual to hang them on. I felt I knew more about the couch and stove than what Daveth and his mother looked like. I think anyone would be shocked to go that far back in time, but the clothing worn might have given her a building sense of the degree of time passage, perhaps uneasiness too, that culminates in the revelation of the date. I am definitely not the spag queen, but I saw nothing that offended at all. I can't wait to read more of the adventure. - Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed meeting Daveth. Having only read the synopsis of the first, I do question one aspect in particular. Veronica inhabited a corporeal body on previous time travels, yet here she seems to appear as a ghost. You do mention she thinks it is strange, but I would expect a much bigger reaction right after "Why didn't me mam see ya?" if this is drastically different. I do like the transitional flow and the character introductions, well achieved through the dialogue, but perhaps would like a bit more visual to hang them on. I felt I knew more about the couch and stove than what Daveth and his mother looked like. I think anyone would be shocked to go that far back in time, but the clothing worn might have given her a building sense of the degree of time passage, perhaps uneasiness too, that culminates in the revelation of the date. I am definitely not the spag queen, but I saw nothing that offended at all. I can't wait to read more of the adventure. - Wendy
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Wendy, thank you so much for your lovely and detailed review. Veronica is so used to going back and forth in time, that she is no longer as panicky as she was the first time. She went through so much distress when put inside Mrs Humphries body not knowing what was happening to her. Then she went further back when placed in Alice's body, but she was thrown out of Ann's body almost straight away and was 'floating around on her own. For her to go further back again isn't her problem, she doesn't know yet how she will help Daveth without Mildred's help or, this time, James's help. That will come shortly.
Each trip back in time has been different, and this time she has Daveth, but he already know's her daughter, so again that is different. I had to laugh when you said you knew more about the couch and stove, I really must do something to change that! LOL. Yes, I'll add more detail about Daveth and his mother. Thank you, and keep these reviews coming, they are so helpful for when I do the final edit when the book is finished. No one would recognise the first book now, I've made a few changes due to the reviews I had on that one. Thanks again, Wendy. :) Sandra xx
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Well, everything makes more sense now. Thanks for your detailed response. I can't wait to see what happens.- Wendy
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good photo and a good chapter, Sandra.
-I like all the use of dialect and the different
time periods you present.
-The descriptions are very good, beginning with
the opening, as Ver. looks at her surroundings.
-We meet Daveth, and he is quite a character.
-I like how you bring in some of Ver. previous experiences in dealing
with things that L. Ann had taught her.
-Obviously, Daveth's mother didn't see Ver., and Dav. got a shock when he
tried to poke Ver.!
-Amazing how far back in time Ver. is; that should certainly make things interesting for her.
-I like the conclusion that emphasizes that point.
-Maybe a comma after mind [in his mind having just witnessed]. Just
an idea to think about.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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-A good photo and a good chapter, Sandra.
-I like all the use of dialect and the different
time periods you present.
-The descriptions are very good, beginning with
the opening, as Ver. looks at her surroundings.
-We meet Daveth, and he is quite a character.
-I like how you bring in some of Ver. previous experiences in dealing
with things that L. Ann had taught her.
-Obviously, Daveth's mother didn't see Ver., and Dav. got a shock when he
tried to poke Ver.!
-Amazing how far back in time Ver. is; that should certainly make things interesting for her.
-I like the conclusion that emphasizes that point.
-Maybe a comma after mind [in his mind having just witnessed]. Just
an idea to think about.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Pam, I've added the comma. :) I'm really pleased you liked this part, one lady thought I didn't give enough description of Daveth and his mother, so I might add to that, or add some to the next chapters. This is going to be quite different being so far in the past, but help will be at hand. Reading your review was so encouraging, my friend, I still get nervous posting my story. Thank you so very much for the 6 stars, I appreciate you more than you realise! Big hugs coming across the water! :) Sandra xxx
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. I think that is a good idea to add as you go along. You don't want to reveal everything in the beginning. Put that one thing behind you--probably easier said than done. You are a good friend, too, Sandra. Sending that thought over the pond, too:)
Comment from rspoet
Poor Veronica, torn from one time to another
away from her family and friends, and against her will, too
You would think an author would have more consideration
But to the story, the meeting with Daveth is very well done.
There is a real sense of a different time and a different reality
You have his accent down very well,
must be that neighborhood you grew up in.
And a very good question, why, indeed, can he see Veronica?
Of course, he can also see Ann and talk to her
so there is some sort of link
The year 1846, now why did you pick that year
one hundred years after your own birth? Can't be.
Whoever is doing this, hmmmm back to that future
manipulating committee.
An exceptional beginning to the new - That Time
Daveth's Time
Very well done
RS
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Poor Veronica, torn from one time to another
away from her family and friends, and against her will, too
You would think an author would have more consideration
But to the story, the meeting with Daveth is very well done.
There is a real sense of a different time and a different reality
You have his accent down very well,
must be that neighborhood you grew up in.
And a very good question, why, indeed, can he see Veronica?
Of course, he can also see Ann and talk to her
so there is some sort of link
The year 1846, now why did you pick that year
one hundred years after your own birth? Can't be.
Whoever is doing this, hmmmm back to that future
manipulating committee.
An exceptional beginning to the new - That Time
Daveth's Time
Very well done
RS
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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LOL! I'm not that old! It's 99 years before my birth, not a hundred years after! I'd be in the Guinness Book of Records! You really made me howl with laughter!! Thank you so much, Robert, you are a dear sweet man, and I enjoyed reading your review. Thank you so much for the 6 stars, my friend. Cornwall hasn't changed much at all over the centuries, it's a lovely place and so easy to take yourself into the past. I go there a lot for long weekend breaks and holidays. It's handy for picking up the dialect as well, and no, it's not much different from where I was born on the East coast in Suffolk. My dialect was more sing-song, but I've lost it now after living in Hampshire for the last 60 years, but pick it up easily when I go and visit my cousins. Thanks again, my friend, big hugs! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from mbroyles2
Veronica has been sent back to 1846. That is the making of a great story.
Such terrific characters that are so easily to connect with.
I'm looking forward to reading this exceptional story.
Michael
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Veronica has been sent back to 1846. That is the making of a great story.
Such terrific characters that are so easily to connect with.
I'm looking forward to reading this exceptional story.
Michael
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Now I feel more guilty not having a 6 left for your amazing story, (and it is amazing) Thank you so very much, Michael, that is so kind of you. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
I'll make sure I have a six with your name on it next time, and yes, I already know it will deserve it. :) xx
