THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Cleaning Lady at the Palace Ball"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
45 total reviews
Comment from NicciFaye
Hi Jay - intriguing read. The notes are much appreciated at the bottom. There is a great deal going on at this present chapter I stumbled upon. I enjoyed it much. I will have to read another chapter to feel a little more confident in what is truly going on, but overall excellent descriptions and dialogue.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Hi Jay - intriguing read. The notes are much appreciated at the bottom. There is a great deal going on at this present chapter I stumbled upon. I enjoyed it much. I will have to read another chapter to feel a little more confident in what is truly going on, but overall excellent descriptions and dialogue.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Many thanks, NicciFaye. I'm just happy you stumbled onto it. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay
= Whoa, nice end hook.
= A lot good stuff coming out of Doctrex's head.
= Excellent chapter to build to the climax.
= I'm finally getting caught up. Whew!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down (*_*)
Jacqueline (Jax) M Franklin
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi, Jay
= Whoa, nice end hook.
= A lot good stuff coming out of Doctrex's head.
= Excellent chapter to build to the climax.
= I'm finally getting caught up. Whew!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down (*_*)
Jacqueline (Jax) M Franklin
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Many thanks, Jax. Remember ... it's no longer Doctrex ... technically.
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He'll always be Doctrex to me. (*<*)
Comment from Drew Delaney
Excellent work, Jay.
I especially enjoyed the scene with the cleaning lady and her attitude. Difficult for her to smile. She has her reasons.
Sorry I'm late with my review. Time is limited these days. Drew
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Excellent work, Jay.
I especially enjoyed the scene with the cleaning lady and her attitude. Difficult for her to smile. She has her reasons.
Sorry I'm late with my review. Time is limited these days. Drew
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thanks for the six, Drew, and more than that, for your kind words.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay,
I'm so very behind... but I read through this chapter of the Trining. The cleaning lady is set as hard core... dour and sour, but serious and hardworking. It was a nice setup for the momentary change of her finding herself glammored up ... giving us a peek of Doctrex/Pondria messing with reality on a conscious scale not before seen by me. The secondary thoughts of what the repercussions are on his little reality tweak left me thinking. Mostly I am in a constant processing mode through these chapters, watching to see what happens next, keeping in mind the wondering how all the previous dominoes set in motion are progressing and wondering how it will end.
she consider me a common prisoner? I leaned toward her.
(I found Doctrex's 'does she know who I am' kind of amusing... Especially with the 'common prisoner' connotations. I am a special prisoner! show some respect, lady. : D
"You may wait for me in my room."
(my, my ... I thought of a word here... I can't remember... hoity?
mind that a tossed coin would bounce off its surface.
(very nice description here)
The crystal pitcher on the bed stand had been refreshed, brimmed(brimming?) with a two inch depth of ice cubes, and two spotless glasses rested upside down and on a napkin beside it.
(because this isn't a listing. The pitcher had been refreshed, filled with ice, and set int the middle of the table..... Hmmm... actually I'm not sure if brimming is right, but I tripped here... I'm brainstorming why. The pitcher had been refreshed. the pitcher brimmed with a two inch depth of ice cubes. two spotless glasses rested upside down beside it. The pitcher had been refreshed, now brimming with a two inch depth of ice cubes. Maybe take a peek at this sentence)
I went to the table where I noticed a fresh bowl of fruit.
(There's always a fresh bowl of fruit... Doctrex has a constant supply... (not relevant to anything... just a thought I had here)
I formed an image. (maybe a bit more of a hint here? ballroom hints?)
I knew immediately what a fool I'd been. I closed my eyes again, {pulled in}(retrieved?) the image of her as she had been. The I
had to be alert. Always. She needed to be constantly vigilant.
(I really liked this section, with the dual look at both of the reactions from this cleaning lady)
when I opened my eyes(,)? my knees were curled into my chest.
Leaving this chapter, I do want a closing reason for why he can't write his assignments... but the looming deadline, the moment of sliding into Pondria after talking to the voice, the whole interaction with the cleaning lady all kept me engaged and curious.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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Hi, Jay,
I'm so very behind... but I read through this chapter of the Trining. The cleaning lady is set as hard core... dour and sour, but serious and hardworking. It was a nice setup for the momentary change of her finding herself glammored up ... giving us a peek of Doctrex/Pondria messing with reality on a conscious scale not before seen by me. The secondary thoughts of what the repercussions are on his little reality tweak left me thinking. Mostly I am in a constant processing mode through these chapters, watching to see what happens next, keeping in mind the wondering how all the previous dominoes set in motion are progressing and wondering how it will end.
she consider me a common prisoner? I leaned toward her.
(I found Doctrex's 'does she know who I am' kind of amusing... Especially with the 'common prisoner' connotations. I am a special prisoner! show some respect, lady. : D
"You may wait for me in my room."
(my, my ... I thought of a word here... I can't remember... hoity?
mind that a tossed coin would bounce off its surface.
(very nice description here)
The crystal pitcher on the bed stand had been refreshed, brimmed(brimming?) with a two inch depth of ice cubes, and two spotless glasses rested upside down and on a napkin beside it.
(because this isn't a listing. The pitcher had been refreshed, filled with ice, and set int the middle of the table..... Hmmm... actually I'm not sure if brimming is right, but I tripped here... I'm brainstorming why. The pitcher had been refreshed. the pitcher brimmed with a two inch depth of ice cubes. two spotless glasses rested upside down beside it. The pitcher had been refreshed, now brimming with a two inch depth of ice cubes. Maybe take a peek at this sentence)
I went to the table where I noticed a fresh bowl of fruit.
(There's always a fresh bowl of fruit... Doctrex has a constant supply... (not relevant to anything... just a thought I had here)
I formed an image. (maybe a bit more of a hint here? ballroom hints?)
I knew immediately what a fool I'd been. I closed my eyes again, {pulled in}(retrieved?) the image of her as she had been. The I
had to be alert. Always. She needed to be constantly vigilant.
(I really liked this section, with the dual look at both of the reactions from this cleaning lady)
when I opened my eyes(,)? my knees were curled into my chest.
Leaving this chapter, I do want a closing reason for why he can't write his assignments... but the looming deadline, the moment of sliding into Pondria after talking to the voice, the whole interaction with the cleaning lady all kept me engaged and curious.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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Hey, Turtle ... don't feel you are obligated to review every chapter. Don't get me wrong--I love your reviews, but you need to follow your own pace. I checked all the suggestions you made here, changed "pulled in" to "retrieved the image," and also tweaked the crystal pitcher suggestion. And a comma somewhere.
You are always spot on, but I'm getting used to that. Thanks for devoting so much of your time to my writing.
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Thanks for the reminder, Jay, but as I see it, I got - like - 3 dollars to read and comment on several chapters that I had already read because I felt like it... so, catching up with one or two chapters where I'm just running behind, I don't mind.
Comment from MTF1955
Just absoluting excellent writing. This is the first I've read of your work but makes me want to go back and read iot from the beginning. Look forward to more. mary
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Just absoluting excellent writing. This is the first I've read of your work but makes me want to go back and read iot from the beginning. Look forward to more. mary
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you so very much, Mary. I appreciate your kindness and your generous rating. Glad you slipped aboard. Please come back.
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I most certainly will return!
Comment from Mabaker
Another fine chapter Jay. Just as exciting as all the Doctrex adventures have been so far. I have enjoyed this series as you bring everything into clear focus. Hurry up with the next instalment. Regards Anne.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Another fine chapter Jay. Just as exciting as all the Doctrex adventures have been so far. I have enjoyed this series as you bring everything into clear focus. Hurry up with the next instalment. Regards Anne.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hey, Ann. Thanks for dropping by again. Glad this was to your liking. Getting within sight of the ending. Hope it lives up to the hype. LOL.
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I have faith in your writing Jay. Anne.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Well written as your work always is, Jay. You described the clean room and the housekeeper so very well. I liked the bit of magic, too. I hope you are having a good week, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Well written as your work always is, Jay. You described the clean room and the housekeeper so very well. I liked the bit of magic, too. I hope you are having a good week, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 22-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Debbie. Glad you enjoyed this chapter. It was a fun one to write.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Jay
I'm always impressed by your detailed descriptions. You and Mastery both do such a great job with this most-honored talent.
A good example of that here:
'Each individual black tile on the floor became an onyx mirror, and collectively they caught and tossed back the torchlight in hundreds of dizzying directions.'
Cool!
This is a superb description, in my mind of what happens when one steps outside the boundaries that one has so forcefully placed to explain what is real and what isn't:
'She knew they skulked around some dark corner of her mind now, waiting for the moment of her inattention to again possess her. Maybe the next time they'd change her into a whinnying crossan.'
Really superb writing, as always.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi, Jay
I'm always impressed by your detailed descriptions. You and Mastery both do such a great job with this most-honored talent.
A good example of that here:
'Each individual black tile on the floor became an onyx mirror, and collectively they caught and tossed back the torchlight in hundreds of dizzying directions.'
Cool!
This is a superb description, in my mind of what happens when one steps outside the boundaries that one has so forcefully placed to explain what is real and what isn't:
'She knew they skulked around some dark corner of her mind now, waiting for the moment of her inattention to again possess her. Maybe the next time they'd change her into a whinnying crossan.'
Really superb writing, as always.
:) Bev
Comment Written 22-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Bev, you are always welcome aboard the Trining. Glad you enjoyed this and found parts that seemed memorable to you. Very close to seeing the ending. Thanks for your always generous words and rating.
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You're welcome, Jay, as always.
:) Bev
Comment from Loren (7)
A bit of whimsy and magic and playfulness. But, where does reality begin and fantasy end? Whose mind are we in and as the cleaning lady might rightfully and frightfully ask, dare she wake the sleeping giant. (reference to "Alice and Through the Looking Glass" Loren
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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A bit of whimsy and magic and playfulness. But, where does reality begin and fantasy end? Whose mind are we in and as the cleaning lady might rightfully and frightfully ask, dare she wake the sleeping giant. (reference to "Alice and Through the Looking Glass" Loren
Comment Written 22-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hey, a six, Loren! Thank you so much for your generous words and rating. There is a lot of playfulness going on in Pondria's mind. Not all of it positive.
Comment from Selina Stambi
A great chapter, Jay. The Pondria-magic was a fascinating moment.
An entertaining, intriguing read - as always!
Sonali
An array of fresh flowers emblazoned from the vase.... suggest:
An array of fresh flowers emblazoned the vase (no from) OR
An array of fresh flowers (blazed) from the vase.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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A great chapter, Jay. The Pondria-magic was a fascinating moment.
An entertaining, intriguing read - as always!
Sonali
An array of fresh flowers emblazoned from the vase.... suggest:
An array of fresh flowers emblazoned the vase (no from) OR
An array of fresh flowers (blazed) from the vase.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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That's doable, Sonali. I chose door number 1. Removed the "from". LOL, thanks for offering another set of eyes. These old eyes don't always see things in the freshest way.
