THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "No Love Like Brother Love"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
29 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
I will come back later and addanother star, when they replentish, brothers, ah the emotional conflict is about to turn to pride, and I get to observe the writers skill in the story telling, the fire is warm, the drink good and I am lost in the voice, Walt
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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I will come back later and addanother star, when they replentish, brothers, ah the emotional conflict is about to turn to pride, and I get to observe the writers skill in the story telling, the fire is warm, the drink good and I am lost in the voice, Walt
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Don't think you can upgrade a five to a six. But don't worry about it anyway. You've already been too generous. I just appreciate your reading my posts.
Comment from Teri7
This was another great chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery. It was a joy to read and to review. hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015
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This was another great chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery. It was a joy to read and to review. hugs, Teri
Comment Written 24-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015
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THanks, Teri. Glad you enjoyed it. I'll be posting the next chapter in a little over an hour. It should be an eye opener for readers of the Trilogy.
Comment from Maureen Sky
Wow, I am amazed with your writing with this. So much going on and it is all mysterious and magical and makes the reader want to stay engaged to learn more about each character. I can tell you have been writing for a while. Very good job with this.
Maureen Sky
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Wow, I am amazed with your writing with this. So much going on and it is all mysterious and magical and makes the reader want to stay engaged to learn more about each character. I can tell you have been writing for a while. Very good job with this.
Maureen Sky
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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I hope like heck it makes you want to stay engaged until the finish. Some good stuff coming around the corner. So happy you enjoyed this.
Comment from June Estep Fiorelli
I am a bit confused about some things. I don't know if it's because I missed the first two chapters, or I'am dense to the subtleties, so here goes.
Para 4: I'm not sure how this shows Ginot knew he was Pondria, as you say in the next para. Is it because they are brothers that they have the same wound, or is it part of the fantasy since it was not inflicted by a being?
I am a bit confused by some things, probably because I missed the first 2 chapters.
I'm wondering why, if they were separated in the past, the wounds are new. Why would it suddenly pain Ginot? Are you showing his guilt? There's probably a good explanation.
Para 42, beginning "So easy, Pondria." Ginot uses the term accident. Later, when Pondia uses it, why does Ginot flinch, since Ginot himself had already called it that? If he was feeling guilty here, it seems out of character.
Am I right about seeing Ginot, so far the" in command" person, gradually disintegrating? Is that your intention or am I misreading?
As always, this is well written. I am not sure how critical the stories about Fat and Thin are. Apparently Ginot was playing mind games with Pondrias army to reduce its numbers, but again, I've missed those chapters.
I would try to cut this a bit without deleting anything that isn't critical to the plot.
Otherwise, it is moving along and it's definitely keeping my interest . June
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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I am a bit confused about some things. I don't know if it's because I missed the first two chapters, or I'am dense to the subtleties, so here goes.
Para 4: I'm not sure how this shows Ginot knew he was Pondria, as you say in the next para. Is it because they are brothers that they have the same wound, or is it part of the fantasy since it was not inflicted by a being?
I am a bit confused by some things, probably because I missed the first 2 chapters.
I'm wondering why, if they were separated in the past, the wounds are new. Why would it suddenly pain Ginot? Are you showing his guilt? There's probably a good explanation.
Para 42, beginning "So easy, Pondria." Ginot uses the term accident. Later, when Pondia uses it, why does Ginot flinch, since Ginot himself had already called it that? If he was feeling guilty here, it seems out of character.
Am I right about seeing Ginot, so far the" in command" person, gradually disintegrating? Is that your intention or am I misreading?
As always, this is well written. I am not sure how critical the stories about Fat and Thin are. Apparently Ginot was playing mind games with Pondrias army to reduce its numbers, but again, I've missed those chapters.
I would try to cut this a bit without deleting anything that isn't critical to the plot.
Otherwise, it is moving along and it's definitely keeping my interest . June
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Some of these things, June, have a long shadow, trailing all the way back to the first book, some 700 pages earlier. Axtilla (Doctrex's love interest) knew from the beginning that he had died, been reborn as Pondria, and washed to the Kyrean shore. So much of this Trilogy is based on the Myth of the Magical Brothers which is told over two chapters, and I've included the link here (to paste to your browser): http://classic.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=712143 and http://classic.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=712310. I'm not expecting you to read these, but by reading them and the extensive Character listing at the bottom of THIS chapter, you should be pretty much up to speed and I'd be able to answer almost any other question you have.
Thank you, June, for reading this. You are pretty much on track thinking that Glnot is coming apart at the seams. Doctrex does know what he's doing, though as you'll see in the next chapters.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
It looks like Rheuter may self-destruct in front of Doctrex who turns out to be Pondria. This is so weird, this story, Jay. I'm not good with puzzles at the best of times and this story has sure come up with some surprises, and some intricate plot. But these two characters are very strong and make interesting reading, Giddy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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It looks like Rheuter may self-destruct in front of Doctrex who turns out to be Pondria. This is so weird, this story, Jay. I'm not good with puzzles at the best of times and this story has sure come up with some surprises, and some intricate plot. But these two characters are very strong and make interesting reading, Giddy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Giddy. A lot of readers were concerned. I think you'll find, though, that Doctrex has things in control. Thanks, as usual for reading this.
Comment from barkingdog
In that they have the same scar, confirms that Doctrex is Pondria, Glinot's twin that was thrown into the sea. Doctrex doesn't seem to remember any of the plan that Pondria has with Axtilla. Will he? He has to in order for them to defeat the Trining.
Question-- Why do you say 'translation' instead of 'transition' in the following:
'"When the Trining occurs there will be a sudden, easy and complete translation of authority."'
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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In that they have the same scar, confirms that Doctrex is Pondria, Glinot's twin that was thrown into the sea. Doctrex doesn't seem to remember any of the plan that Pondria has with Axtilla. Will he? He has to in order for them to defeat the Trining.
Question-- Why do you say 'translation' instead of 'transition' in the following:
'"When the Trining occurs there will be a sudden, easy and complete translation of authority."'
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Ellen. Appreciate your reading. "Translation" was chosen intentionally. It means (this is from Dictionary dot com, but is very similar to Webster: "change or conversion to another form, appearance, etc.; transformation:" Transition is more a change in position, not total transformation. Hope that answers your question. Doctrex can't seem to wrap his head around being Pondria, though everything points to it. Doctrex knew exactly what he and Axtilla had to do to bring about the prophesy of Kyre.
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Translation to me infers from one language to another.(No one's going to look it up in dictionary. com. for the more obscure definition you've chosen.) If you mean transformation why not say that. Transformation of authority says what you mean and 'translates' your meaning to me.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter,
I was not Doctrex, but Pondria.
(This is meant to be a eye opener. Even though I wasn't sure about the details... I paused here and went to look up at the explaining list.... Doctrex is Glnots long lost twin! I wondered if this was the first time this was mentioned as certainty. I found it interesting, onward to see more.)
Kyrean Sea, Axtilla was convinced I was Pondria, who[,] she claimed had been
(Not sure about this comma here, made me pause)
memory of who I was[,] or how I ended up on the shore,
(suggest no comma here)
"You know, I ..." My voice seemed to jolt him(,) and I waited for him to recover.
(suggest add this comma)
His eruption of laughter that resounded off all the walls[,] swallowed my
(I paused on this sentence, also the comma is separating the subject from the verb)
I crossed my legs, clasped my hands on the tabletop and studied him.
(some strong dialogue exchange between these two, I enjoyed it, found myself just glued on what was happening, nice mix of some motion and psychological drama here. I don't know, for this one, if I missed the simple stuff, but I was utilizing a different part of my brain, the entertainment side. Makes me a bit less useful today, but I really enjoyed this chapter.)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter,
I was not Doctrex, but Pondria.
(This is meant to be a eye opener. Even though I wasn't sure about the details... I paused here and went to look up at the explaining list.... Doctrex is Glnots long lost twin! I wondered if this was the first time this was mentioned as certainty. I found it interesting, onward to see more.)
Kyrean Sea, Axtilla was convinced I was Pondria, who[,] she claimed had been
(Not sure about this comma here, made me pause)
memory of who I was[,] or how I ended up on the shore,
(suggest no comma here)
"You know, I ..." My voice seemed to jolt him(,) and I waited for him to recover.
(suggest add this comma)
His eruption of laughter that resounded off all the walls[,] swallowed my
(I paused on this sentence, also the comma is separating the subject from the verb)
I crossed my legs, clasped my hands on the tabletop and studied him.
(some strong dialogue exchange between these two, I enjoyed it, found myself just glued on what was happening, nice mix of some motion and psychological drama here. I don't know, for this one, if I missed the simple stuff, but I was utilizing a different part of my brain, the entertainment side. Makes me a bit less useful today, but I really enjoyed this chapter.)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Turtle, you are enjoying this! I'm so pleased over that. I worked hard on this chapter and the next. A lot went, and goes, down. THanks for reading. I'll take a close look at those commas.
Comment from boxergirl
Engaging dialogue and descriptive details between Doctrex and Ginot, and I can tell it is going to be even more entertaining as the climax seems to be near. It is coming together nicely. :-)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Engaging dialogue and descriptive details between Doctrex and Ginot, and I can tell it is going to be even more entertaining as the climax seems to be near. It is coming together nicely. :-)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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THank you, Karen. YEah, you can kinda smell the ending coming up, huh. Unfortunately, it's not like a book when it's serialized. So there are gonna be a lot more postings for what would otherwise be 5 or 6 book chapters. Thrilled to have you along on the ride.
Comment from Sis Cat
I enjoyed your use of myth and prophecy. This makes your fantasy feel classic. It also hooks the reader to want to know if the prophecy will be fulfilled or broken. This chapter came together for me. The detailed author's notes and thumbnails help jog my memory of the plot and characters.
The battle of wills between Doctrex and Rhuether was well described with vivid, tight dialogue. Good use of non-verbal forms of communication like expressions, gestures, and body language invites the reader to consider all ways they are communicating or obfuscating. Your characters are well drawn. I am kept wondering if Doctrex is Pondria. I will wait and see. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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I enjoyed your use of myth and prophecy. This makes your fantasy feel classic. It also hooks the reader to want to know if the prophecy will be fulfilled or broken. This chapter came together for me. The detailed author's notes and thumbnails help jog my memory of the plot and characters.
The battle of wills between Doctrex and Rhuether was well described with vivid, tight dialogue. Good use of non-verbal forms of communication like expressions, gestures, and body language invites the reader to consider all ways they are communicating or obfuscating. Your characters are well drawn. I am kept wondering if Doctrex is Pondria. I will wait and see. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Andre, you are always so kind and yet evidence a deep read of my posts. I really appreciate that.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jay. Your story continues to weave a very interesting plot and even though I am not a fantasy fan per-say. your writing holds my attention when I get to read it.
Suggestion: "Brother! So he tossed me the challenge. Should I play dumb a while longer? I brought my brows together, and gave him a half smile. "I don't know. You figured the Kabeezan Amy might choose that time to attack--?" (Something doesn't seem right about this. How he could pay attention to "bringing his brows together?" This is a natural function that would have gone unnoticed unless by the other person, I think)
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hi, Jay. Your story continues to weave a very interesting plot and even though I am not a fantasy fan per-say. your writing holds my attention when I get to read it.
Suggestion: "Brother! So he tossed me the challenge. Should I play dumb a while longer? I brought my brows together, and gave him a half smile. "I don't know. You figured the Kabeezan Amy might choose that time to attack--?" (Something doesn't seem right about this. How he could pay attention to "bringing his brows together?" This is a natural function that would have gone unnoticed unless by the other person, I think)
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Ha-ha! You caught me that time, Bob. I've been on a quest to (I'm gonna say it, though I hate to): show more, tell less. But in the first person narrator ... dang git, you're absolutely right. I'm yanking that out right away. You da bomb!
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I know how that goes, Jay. LOL...Bob
