THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "THE POMNOT: REVISITED ( Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
24 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
interesting the way the pomnots fight - as if they were not acting on their own will, but were directed by an invisible force - almost as if they were not human (meaning living creatures), but rather weapons, machines. not very effective, i dare to say :) a lot of interesting details in this chapter. :)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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interesting the way the pomnots fight - as if they were not acting on their own will, but were directed by an invisible force - almost as if they were not human (meaning living creatures), but rather weapons, machines. not very effective, i dare to say :) a lot of interesting details in this chapter. :)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thanks, Tina.
Comment from Dashjianta
Nice to get a detailed description of a Pomnot, and its a clever way to do it without resorting to an info dump. Interesting that no surgery on corpses extends to other species. Liked the misunderstanding with Zurn at the end.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Nice to get a detailed description of a Pomnot, and its a clever way to do it without resorting to an info dump. Interesting that no surgery on corpses extends to other species. Liked the misunderstanding with Zurn at the end.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Thank you, Alex. This is exactly what I was thinking of.
Comment from Twilightspire
What a terrifying enemy. No thought, just instinct and bred for destruction. Frightening beasts you have conjured, Jay.
The word "expendable" filled my head with a weird sort of sympathy for these beast-like men, not sure if that was the intention, but it's what I felt.
An excellent chapter focusing on what the enemy is really capable of and it is enough to make me shudder.
Great job, my friend.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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What a terrifying enemy. No thought, just instinct and bred for destruction. Frightening beasts you have conjured, Jay.
The word "expendable" filled my head with a weird sort of sympathy for these beast-like men, not sure if that was the intention, but it's what I felt.
An excellent chapter focusing on what the enemy is really capable of and it is enough to make me shudder.
Great job, my friend.
-T.J.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Yes, the Pomnot originated in Book I. They were the only living beings before the Bining (not to be confused with the Trining, which hasn't happened yet)who hadn't evolved. So, in the 30 days of darkness that accompanied the Bining, the Pomnots were sucked up to their present dimension where they were used by Glnot Rhuether as his entirely expendable front line of defense.
Once again, Thanks for your kindness, T.J.
Comment from Selina Stambi
A change of pace here - a breather for the battle-weary author and reader!
An intriguing look into the hows and whys of the pomnot. I remembered the word as spoken by Axtilia.
Your story has layers of complexity, Jay. I wonder, sometimes, if there is an allegory in this tale. Perhaps I'm reading more into it than intended.
Very well done!
My last review for the day. Good night, senor! :)
Until next time,
Sonali
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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A change of pace here - a breather for the battle-weary author and reader!
An intriguing look into the hows and whys of the pomnot. I remembered the word as spoken by Axtilia.
Your story has layers of complexity, Jay. I wonder, sometimes, if there is an allegory in this tale. Perhaps I'm reading more into it than intended.
Very well done!
My last review for the day. Good night, senor! :)
Until next time,
Sonali
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Then again, you may not be reading more into it than was intended. Thanks for getting into it, Sonali. Good night!
Comment from Writingfundimension
Fascinating description of the Pomnot. Your great visual descriptions brought them to life for me. A formidable foe to say the least. Nice tight chapter, Jay. As always, a treat to read.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Fascinating description of the Pomnot. Your great visual descriptions brought them to life for me. A formidable foe to say the least. Nice tight chapter, Jay. As always, a treat to read.
:) Bev
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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So happy the description resonated in you, Bev. Yes, he is formidable because he's expendable.
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Ah, expendible. The perfect weapon.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I loved the description of the Pomnot. You gave the measurements then had the other characters give their own measurements and that helped really visualize the beast. I kind of wished you hadn't used the picture of Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. I kept thinking of a gentle beast instead of the horrible destructive one. I got a whiff of the stench from the clues placed in and around the narration. Great job. Gretchen This is much better. It looks peaceful. I should deduct a star for the old enough to remember harry and the Hendersons crack. LOL.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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I loved the description of the Pomnot. You gave the measurements then had the other characters give their own measurements and that helped really visualize the beast. I kind of wished you hadn't used the picture of Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. I kept thinking of a gentle beast instead of the horrible destructive one. I got a whiff of the stench from the clues placed in and around the narration. Great job. Gretchen This is much better. It looks peaceful. I should deduct a star for the old enough to remember harry and the Hendersons crack. LOL.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Was that Harry? OMG, you were the first one old enough to remember it. LOL... sorry about that. I mean I didn't recognize it, but you're right. He did have a gentle look on his face. I may change that. Thanks.
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See if it's any better now. Henderson he's not!
Comment from jaeladarling
I love the last little bit in this one - Zurn's response to the doc. Good chuckle out of that one. :p :)
So glad there's more waiting to read - moving on! :)
Just a couple of nits:
"And, now death had released him" (Move the comma to after "now")
"blunted sensibilities, and gave" (No comma)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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I love the last little bit in this one - Zurn's response to the doc. Good chuckle out of that one. :p :)
So glad there's more waiting to read - moving on! :)
Just a couple of nits:
"And, now death had released him" (Move the comma to after "now")
"blunted sensibilities, and gave" (No comma)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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See? I hate commas. Somehow, I had it in my head you always put a comma after an "and" and "but". Again, all final edit stuff.
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I haven't pointed out every single comma you have after a conjunction. On some of them, I can see how it would make the reader pause, even though it kinda makes me grind my teeth. LOL Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not THAT much of a grammar nazi. :p I do try to take creativity into consideration.
If you wanted to, you could just use the search function and find all those conjunctions and remove the commas when you have a conjunction as the beginning word in a sentence. But seeing some of the stuff that's made it into the "big time", I think you'll be okay. ;)
Comment from rjpurdy
Bravo Jay! This is my first read and it engaged me enough to read past posts. Great story and this really isn't my genre. It read fast and smooth and I found no technical issues. A couple of very cool lines, my favorite being "death had released him from his blunted sensibilities." Awesome, original and intelligent. Thank you. I look forward to future posts and backtracking for the rest.
Peace - Rod
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Bravo Jay! This is my first read and it engaged me enough to read past posts. Great story and this really isn't my genre. It read fast and smooth and I found no technical issues. A couple of very cool lines, my favorite being "death had released him from his blunted sensibilities." Awesome, original and intelligent. Thank you. I look forward to future posts and backtracking for the rest.
Peace - Rod
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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I'll love having you aboard, Rod! My first time with this genre. It's not too comfortable a fit. I don't have action in every chapter and that turns off a lot of people. There's angst and introspection, guilt too. A fantasy underpinning that some might feel too intellectual for fantasy.
But, dang it, I'm having fun! Thanks for reading.
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I am glad you are out of your comfort zone Jay. Isn't that how we grow and improve our craft? Too intelligent? Dumbing it down would be betraying yourself and I personally appreciate sharp and smart foremost. The fun you are having Jay is infectious and inspires me to stretch myself iun my own work.
Write on my friend!
Comment from Jackreese
I like the array a characters you assembled and I will be going back to read the parts I missed. From what I read so far it peeked my interest.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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I like the array a characters you assembled and I will be going back to read the parts I missed. From what I read so far it peeked my interest.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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I love nothing more than peeking someone's interest, Jack. Hope you come back and catch some more chapters. There's some exciting ones around the bend.
Comment from Fridayauthor
A good informational chapter with a lot of facts. Once again, I always try to guess the degree on importance of a detailed description to the topic as it fits into the total story line. In this case, how detailed a description of this creature is important to satisfy later happenings?
on the floor of the medical tent. The medical tent was...
on the floor of the medical tent. The enclosure was...
larger than the officers' quarters because it housed six cots and the walls... (Too many "tents" for one paragraph.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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A good informational chapter with a lot of facts. Once again, I always try to guess the degree on importance of a detailed description to the topic as it fits into the total story line. In this case, how detailed a description of this creature is important to satisfy later happenings?
on the floor of the medical tent. The medical tent was...
on the floor of the medical tent. The enclosure was...
larger than the officers' quarters because it housed six cots and the walls... (Too many "tents" for one paragraph.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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Some good information, Ray. I may have to re-think the description of the dead Pomnot. I wanted the reader to feel the extent of the fear and dread. I will definitely do some revision on "tent" and "medical tent". Thank you for your individual slant on this piece.
