Texas Moon
33 total reviews
Comment from Espresso momma
You have a beautiful imagination in your short story writing and I liked it. The emotion and romance was touching too. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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You have a beautiful imagination in your short story writing and I liked it. The emotion and romance was touching too. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Hi there! Thank you so much. It's nice to hear from you...I'm truly happy you enjoyed this! :)) Susan
Comment from J. P. Egry
This is an excellent entry for the romance fiction contest. Somehow it captures the fantasy most women have of being swept off their feet by a handsome stranger.
The first paragraph is a terrific beginning--introducing the setting, the voice of the narrator, and the era (even though not said). It pulls the reader right into the middle of the action and the rest never lets go. Complete story with beginning, middle and end.
I did feel as if the end was a bit abrupt and might need another sentence or two--just my take.
There are incomplete sentences here and there that work well for the voice used, but might not be acceptable to some editors. Another subjective call.
Excellent paragraphing, punctuation and grammar and nice variation of sentence lengths.
In the sixth paragraph from the end, Mama should be capitalized since she is using it as a proper name rather than "my mama".
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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This is an excellent entry for the romance fiction contest. Somehow it captures the fantasy most women have of being swept off their feet by a handsome stranger.
The first paragraph is a terrific beginning--introducing the setting, the voice of the narrator, and the era (even though not said). It pulls the reader right into the middle of the action and the rest never lets go. Complete story with beginning, middle and end.
I did feel as if the end was a bit abrupt and might need another sentence or two--just my take.
There are incomplete sentences here and there that work well for the voice used, but might not be acceptable to some editors. Another subjective call.
Excellent paragraphing, punctuation and grammar and nice variation of sentence lengths.
In the sixth paragraph from the end, Mama should be capitalized since she is using it as a proper name rather than "my mama".
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Hi J.P.! Thank you and I'll look at what you suggest later tonight. I did cap mama. I'll see about that ending. Thank you so much. I always appreciate your details and time my friend. HUG! Susan
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It is always my pleasure to read your postings.
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
Your flash fiction is outstandingly written.
Your characterization of lonely characters craving physical touch is perfection.
The art work is priceless you used.
There was a Heart song where the character meets a stranger in the rain and they have a tryst for the day her and a stranger, who gave her what her man counldn't, pregnant.
I wish you good luck in the Romance contest.
I'm finally able to give you a six, but now the block will go back on.
Your story is so real.
Love ya,
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Susan,
Your flash fiction is outstandingly written.
Your characterization of lonely characters craving physical touch is perfection.
The art work is priceless you used.
There was a Heart song where the character meets a stranger in the rain and they have a tryst for the day her and a stranger, who gave her what her man counldn't, pregnant.
I wish you good luck in the Romance contest.
I'm finally able to give you a six, but now the block will go back on.
Your story is so real.
Love ya,
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Hi Missy! Thank you...I'm happy you enjoyed and as always, appreciate your time for me. And the kind rating. xoxo. Susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You already know I am a huge fan of your short stories and this contest entry is not exception. This is a strong entry and I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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You already know I am a huge fan of your short stories and this contest entry is not exception. This is a strong entry and I wish you luck.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Hi Barbara! Thank you very much! What a delight that you liked this. I'm not good with typical romance. To me it's too sugary. I like gritty. Or?? Whatever this is. Thanks again Barb. Hey, how's your dogs doing? Buddy got bit by a spider or something and has a sore nose! :) Poor baby. I'm off to take him with the atv now. And boy it's cold! xoxo. Susan
Comment from Spitfire
This captures so beautifully the power of loneliness and sexual longings. Your writing is so crisp and lyrical without being maudlin. If you don't win, I'll be shocked.
Love it, Susan. No one can touch your prose. No sixers left. Probably wouldn't be able to give you one yet anyway,
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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This captures so beautifully the power of loneliness and sexual longings. Your writing is so crisp and lyrical without being maudlin. If you don't win, I'll be shocked.
Love it, Susan. No one can touch your prose. No sixers left. Probably wouldn't be able to give you one yet anyway,
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Hi Shari! You're spoiling me now. But I like it. What would I do without my fanfriends? lol! I always appreciate and love when you like these Mon ami. I read a story with that in it. Can't remember the spelling? Lee's Peel story. Talk about a good writer. And it's the thought that counts Shari. Just so you enjoyed, that's the name of the game. xoxo. Susan
Comment from JW
In reading this I could not help but imagine how this story would easily make a good prologue for a full length novel.
You did a great job in writing it. One could easily visualize the scene before them. JW
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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In reading this I could not help but imagine how this story would easily make a good prologue for a full length novel.
You did a great job in writing it. One could easily visualize the scene before them. JW
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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Hi Jonathon! Hey, thank you. I don't dare tho, it'd be plagerism. Have you seen the movie "The Last Picture Show"? It's an older one, I think made in 1971. Jeff Bridges and Timothy Bottoms starred, And Cybil Shephard made her debut. SO young!! :) What a great movie. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this JW~ :) Susan
Comment from Purple Lily
I can so well understand the desires -and fears- of a lonely woman, and this story is a good depiction of it. It's not "the right thing" to do, it's only a parenthesis and sometimes a hope that it might...just might, turn out to be something more than that.
Very good story.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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I can so well understand the desires -and fears- of a lonely woman, and this story is a good depiction of it. It's not "the right thing" to do, it's only a parenthesis and sometimes a hope that it might...just might, turn out to be something more than that.
Very good story.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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Hi Lily! Thanks. I like that you really 'got this'...not every love story is all wine and roses, and all that. Those stories are just too gooey for me. Not real. For most anyway. I guess it may be for a select few. The lucky ones. I'm really glad you liked this. I do too. I usually don't like my own stuff ... ? hug, Susan
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Susan:)
I don't know why, but this short romance between love-starved strangers caught my fancy. It may have been a one-night-stand, but it healed a lonesome heart and then left an empty place that even the most beautiful Texas Moon ca never fill.
Perhaps it awakened a memory from over half a century ago when I left my motel door open fo a visitor who briefly entered the room and left with a piece of my heart. No need to tell more. This story is a winner.
Love and Irish Hugs for good luck in the contest.
Roger
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Susan:)
I don't know why, but this short romance between love-starved strangers caught my fancy. It may have been a one-night-stand, but it healed a lonesome heart and then left an empty place that even the most beautiful Texas Moon ca never fill.
Perhaps it awakened a memory from over half a century ago when I left my motel door open fo a visitor who briefly entered the room and left with a piece of my heart. No need to tell more. This story is a winner.
Love and Irish Hugs for good luck in the contest.
Roger
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Roger! Wow. I'm intrigued to say the least. Thank you for seeing this as romance too. It's not the typical love story, but they always say, 'creative approaches welcome'...lol! We'll see I guess. I don't like mainstream romance. It's icky! Lol! I'm really honored with this review my friend. You've made the time I spent on this very much worthwhile. Hugs back! :) Susan
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
Everything about this story is almost right. Atmosphere is well done, loneliness and loss (your trademark) is well written.
However, there are a few construction errors:
The faces of [Avery] faded to a pasty gray, and the only -- It's the name of the town true, but it appears as a typo. You need to fix that, it caused a stumble.
[into thinking everything would [be] all right. -- You left the word out.
[Always up to Texarkana. Away from Avery and the thin line between life and death.] -- This line needs clarification and Texarkana appears misspelled.
Your closing line is perfect.
Ted
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Susan :)
Everything about this story is almost right. Atmosphere is well done, loneliness and loss (your trademark) is well written.
However, there are a few construction errors:
The faces of [Avery] faded to a pasty gray, and the only -- It's the name of the town true, but it appears as a typo. You need to fix that, it caused a stumble.
[into thinking everything would [be] all right. -- You left the word out.
[Always up to Texarkana. Away from Avery and the thin line between life and death.] -- This line needs clarification and Texarkana appears misspelled.
Your closing line is perfect.
Ted
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Ted, thank you! I added the 'be', and double checked Texarkana...I have that right. I don't know about Avery, it's the name of a town. I've re-read this many times, and maybe if I wait a week or so and read again I'll see what you mean? Thanks again! Susan
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You're welcome :)
Comment from DBastian
Very nice writing! A friend recommended this to me - I understand why. Lovely descriptors that add visuals and emotions to your story. Not too much, just enough to allow us to pause and breathe the moment of each scene. You know when to talk and when to let the action do the talking!
Dbastian
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Very nice writing! A friend recommended this to me - I understand why. Lovely descriptors that add visuals and emotions to your story. Not too much, just enough to allow us to pause and breathe the moment of each scene. You know when to talk and when to let the action do the talking!
Dbastian
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi there! Thank you D, ... I'm very pleased you enjoyed this. Your encouraging review is very much appreciated, and thank you again for becoming a fan. I'm honored. Susan
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Thanks, Susan!