Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

I was curious about the two types of moons you titled your chapters after. I see now that Hota is grey. I'll have to look back for the other titles translation.

 Comment Written 28-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012

I'm trying to keep the Sioux thing going with each chapter. Some of the chapters move away from the Native American thread, but it's going to have a bigger part to play in future chapters. Thanks so much, Joy! I sure appreciate your interest and support. Hugs, Bev

Comment from Roxanna Andrews

Exceptional

This is really well done. I just write kids books so this is way beyond what I do, so have no criticism or advise other then to say I'm very much enjoying it. A+

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012

Hi, Roxanna. Wow, I sure appreciate your really generous review and warms words of support. Thank you for choosing to read! Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from christianpowers

Excellent

Hi,

Thanks for the opportunity to review your work.

This was well written, flowed nicely from scene to scene, the characters were well defined and the plot thickened slowly as I read...maybe a bit too slowly.

You are an accomplished word smith and although I searched for errors, I could not find a single one.

All that said, I thought it crept along like a snail. Yes, I realize I'm impatient, a member of the Blurb Generation, I suppose. Still, tea and verbal sparring with the neighborhood cat-lady does not make for a tense scene.

Also, this perfect omniscience you got going on was distracting for me. Jumping back and forth from one person's brain to the other's takes a toll on intimacy and conflict between characters, in my opinion.

Being that this is just a slice of a greater piece, and I can't genuinely tell if the slow pace or the omniscience adds or detracts, I didn't hold it against you in the rating. But, be put on notice here, speed it up or your story will suffer, in my far-from-humble opinion.

Christian

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012

Thanks for your review. I appreciate your opinions and insights. Bev

Comment from whispersofthesoul

Excellent

Hiya,at ch
this is a great chapter, the elements of fun you have woven into this make for an entertaining read. It is also very well written and nicely crafted.
I love your characters the descriptions you get of them are wonderful, they are strong and are able to stand alone. this leads to dialogue it is perfect and the main thing convincible, when writing dialogue the one thing that writer just cant give justice to is the interuptions when we talk and the amount of times it happens just in general speech but it is al so the affect it give in spoken language it is immediate where reading is not any way sorry for digressing.

th is is a great piece
i really enjoyed reading this xx

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thanks for the great review, whispers. I really appreciate how much time you've taken to let me know what works for you in this chapter. I'm always working to become stronger with descriptions and dialogue, so it's nice to hear your thoughts on that! Much appreciated! Warmest regards, Bev

reply by whispersofthesoul on 15-Apr-2012

hiya,
you're welcome xx

Comment from penship

Excellent

recognized [that] sparrow-faced

neat short vivid desciption of entryway

welcome mat diplayed a [cartoon of?]

perfect pic of fat cat grooming!

impart-seems an unnatural verb there

anyone approach s/b approached

groundwork one word

if you're comfortable with bullshit in your story (which is fine with me) I'm going to suggest "cat pee" instead of urine which is a titch finicky

thanks for the good read

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thanks for the great review, p. I appreciate your suggestions and will take a look at the changes you detail. Much appreciated. Bev

reply by penship on 15-Apr-2012

you're welcome! I will keep my eyes open for more of your work. I am trying very hard to be a good reviewer and earn my way up, so to speak, so it is my pleasure and learning as well. Pat

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012

It's great that you take your reviewing seriously. That's admirable, Pat. Take care, Bev

Comment from psalmist

Excellent

Oh, what a coloful character Dot is. She is a wonderful contrast to Office Jana's more serious character. Again, I also like the way you interweave the two cultures of Native American and Whites. It is refreshing to read of a community where folks get along without racial tension, but can accept and appreciate each other. Looking forward to the next chapter, Linda.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thank you so much for this awesome review, Linda. I appreciate you letting letting me know what you like about the story - that really helps. Blessings to you, my kind friend. Bev

Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity

Excellent

I liked this story. Very convincing three-dimentional characters and believable, authentic dialogue.

I especially liked the inner conflict of the protagonist's indigenous 'better half'' , her native conscience ie: her mother berating her for the shame her white man's ways might cause for an ''elder''... This is the kind of element that make characters come to life and make this a mature, entertaining piece of work.

Great work. Keep going....

cheers
js

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thank you so very much for this excellent review, js. I especially appreciate you sharing the aspects of the story that you felt worked well. That's so helpful in going forward.
Your interest and support are much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

This story is wicked good fun to read. I understand that you are limited in how much you can submit at one time, but this story is so interesting that I wanted to keep right on reading. You simply must alert me to when the next episode is ready for review. You have represented mystery writing very well with this entry. My interest is totally piqued.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thank you for your excellent review, nomi338. I really appreciate that you took time to read my chapter. Glad to hear that you enjoyed it! I'll be posting another in about a week. And you'll be happy to know that there's much more intrigue to come! Kindest regards, Bev

Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Howdy there Bev
This chapter is a very entertaining one and your detective is a regular Sherlock Holmes of sorts. I look forward to Chapter seven. Nicely crafted
Bear

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Thank you bunches, Bear. I sure appreciate your look-see and marvelous review. Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from Rdfrdmom2

Excellent

Writingfundimension:

While I was not familiar with the term, I did come to
the conclusion that Patout meant buttocks from the
context clues you gave. Your writing is very realistic
with good use of descriptions, dialogue and intrigue.
I look forward to the next installment on this book.

thanks for sharing
love,
jan

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Hi, Jan. It's been interesting to see the number of people who'd not heard of patout before. I'm thinking it comes from the French side of my family. Though I did include it in my definition of terms, I'm glad you were able to figure it out.
Thanks so much for your wonderful and supportive review! Warm regards, Bev