Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "If I Lose."memiors from my life experiences.
12 total reviews
Comment from tx
I like this poem, is this for just being born. I like the flow of words, the images that come to mind from the words
and rhymes. Very good hope you do well cheers
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2011
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I like this poem, is this for just being born. I like the flow of words, the images that come to mind from the words
and rhymes. Very good hope you do well cheers
Comment Written 25-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2011
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prety much. thanks for the kind review.
Comment from Bellringer
Very good entry in this contest. Your dark lines clearly show the state of a condemned soul. My only suggestion is that you capitalize "god" to God. You probably do need a question mark in the line, "If this is the end of it?" Regards, Hector
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Very good entry in this contest. Your dark lines clearly show the state of a condemned soul. My only suggestion is that you capitalize "god" to God. You probably do need a question mark in the line, "If this is the end of it?" Regards, Hector
Comment Written 10-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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thank you for the good review corrections made.
Comment from Carrie Smith
What a poem of utter despair, Well written, with the examples clearly understood. Nice rhyme making this a great poem to read aloud. Isn't there just a glimmer of hope when you spit in the devils face? You belong in Gungalo's Dark Club. Nice job, I enjoyed this and is begs to be read aloud. xxSusan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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What a poem of utter despair, Well written, with the examples clearly understood. Nice rhyme making this a great poem to read aloud. Isn't there just a glimmer of hope when you spit in the devils face? You belong in Gungalo's Dark Club. Nice job, I enjoyed this and is begs to be read aloud. xxSusan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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thank you
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You're very welcome, my friend! xxSusan
Comment from BothePo8
I have a little difficulty understanding this poem. Perhaps more author's notes would help. I assume it has to do with rage and dispair. More clarity and focus would help a lot. The rhyme is good but the poem lacks consistent meter
( rhythm ). Reading a poem with inconsistent meter is a bit like riding a bike down a beautiful but bumpy country road. The scenery is wonderful but the bumps are very distracting.
Best wishes, Bo
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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I have a little difficulty understanding this poem. Perhaps more author's notes would help. I assume it has to do with rage and dispair. More clarity and focus would help a lot. The rhyme is good but the poem lacks consistent meter
( rhythm ). Reading a poem with inconsistent meter is a bit like riding a bike down a beautiful but bumpy country road. The scenery is wonderful but the bumps are very distracting.
Best wishes, Bo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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sory about the bumps
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EWveryone here has weaknesses....for you it is just working on the bumps....best wishes, Bo
Comment from Linda England Bonam
I loved this nice flowing poem called If I Lose. It sounded great all the way through, and I believe it will do very well in the contest! Good Luck!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I loved this nice flowing poem called If I Lose. It sounded great all the way through, and I believe it will do very well in the contest! Good Luck!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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thank you
Comment from fluffnstuff
Hopefully you will not actually be in this position...yet your words would deinitely describe one who has been there for being a very bad boy!!! Great selection of words you chose...and the picture too!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Hopefully you will not actually be in this position...yet your words would deinitely describe one who has been there for being a very bad boy!!! Great selection of words you chose...and the picture too!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thanks just trying to win a dam contest i haven't yet lol
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Yes, I'm hell bent to hang in there another year trying. I personally think your writing is simply orgazmic (tee-hee). Just had to---couldn't resist....call it slap-happy at this moment? Really...you'll do it, you mark my words. WRITE
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
You can both hear and feel the agonizing despair written here, and this is a mark of a true poet. To make others feel through your eyes. You've done this in the very well written dark sided poem Good use of wording and the rhyme seems effortless. Enjoyed reading and reviewing.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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You can both hear and feel the agonizing despair written here, and this is a mark of a true poet. To make others feel through your eyes. You've done this in the very well written dark sided poem Good use of wording and the rhyme seems effortless. Enjoyed reading and reviewing.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
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Your welcome!
Comment from The Stranger
you speak with such resolve as you prepare your final journey, and in doing so, revealing what is to be, your final destination
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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you speak with such resolve as you prepare your final journey, and in doing so, revealing what is to be, your final destination
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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maybe. thanks for the review
Comment from Deorre Leonard
This is exceptional. It rhymes the structure the colors are all fantastic. What a great combination of words. Very well written this is a great contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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This is exceptional. It rhymes the structure the colors are all fantastic. What a great combination of words. Very well written this is a great contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the great review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Well as a big time loser, you're a winner. Now that you have reconciled yourself to sit in hell for all eternity all hope may be gone and yet, if you spit in the Devl's face, couldn't that be te redemptive act for salvation?
Maybe you can save your soul and win in this one redemptive act. Good luck in the contest!
Roger
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Well as a big time loser, you're a winner. Now that you have reconciled yourself to sit in hell for all eternity all hope may be gone and yet, if you spit in the Devl's face, couldn't that be te redemptive act for salvation?
Maybe you can save your soul and win in this one redemptive act. Good luck in the contest!
Roger
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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thanks for the insightful review