Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Twisted Faces in hiding places."memiors from my life experiences.
53 total reviews
Comment from beadyredeyes
the choice of the villanelle form works well with the content.
the poem manages to hint at a story (murder) while keeping to the structure of the form.
there's a surreal quality that come with the villanelle form it greatly enhances the story element.
some images are not clear; but it might be referring to particulars in the story which I'm not familiar with
good job
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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the choice of the villanelle form works well with the content.
the poem manages to hint at a story (murder) while keeping to the structure of the form.
there's a surreal quality that come with the villanelle form it greatly enhances the story element.
some images are not clear; but it might be referring to particulars in the story which I'm not familiar with
good job
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from CodyJack
It appears you put a lot into this complicated poem. I congratuate you on this one with such a sad theme. Once you lie, its hard to go back. This is a tragedy to many. Cody
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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It appears you put a lot into this complicated poem. I congratuate you on this one with such a sad theme. Once you lie, its hard to go back. This is a tragedy to many. Cody
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your heart felt rebiew.
Comment from flygirl254
What an awesome poem! I was in the forum and saw your thread there, so I followed your link back here to your profile page and on to this poem. I'm glad you have joined us here, and welcome home - although you might find some strange things lurking around corners and the occasional odd and/or eccentric poet now and then. But we don't bite...most of the time.
Sorry, but I'm sitting here watching X-Files.
I'm told my reviews are very wordy (i.e. conversational) but that they are welcome. I hope you feel the same :-)
I believe you have met the structural rules of the Villanelle very nicely, if I remember the format correctly. However, the repeated lines would need to be exact for a true villanelle, so what you have here would be considered a modified villanelle, which is just fine with me! :-) If you would want to fix it, all you would have to do is change the third line to, "Rain poured down and washed away all traces," to match the rest of the stanzas. Or, you could change the other lines to match line three. Either way it would work. This is only a suggestion - I believe the writer has the last word on what he means and writes.
The line three repeating line, as well as the, "twisted faces..." repeated line are excellent. They lend to the unreal feeling of the poem as the reader works out, "real or imagined," as you say in your author's note. They are also a bit disconcerting just by the nature of those phrases. They add a dark circular aspect to the poem; a kind of disconcerting feeling during a storm. It works nicely.
You have a lot of excellent word choices in this poem. "I can't go back from lies I'm bound," is quite interesting, and so is, "Now I'm not in God's good graces." My favorite line, by far, is one that reaches out of the poem and grabs my attention. It made me want to continue to the end; "I still hear the sound of the screaming ground."
The presentation of this poem is excellent. Your picture and the background colors worked well together.
Great work, and I am glad you like it here at FanStory!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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What an awesome poem! I was in the forum and saw your thread there, so I followed your link back here to your profile page and on to this poem. I'm glad you have joined us here, and welcome home - although you might find some strange things lurking around corners and the occasional odd and/or eccentric poet now and then. But we don't bite...most of the time.
Sorry, but I'm sitting here watching X-Files.
I'm told my reviews are very wordy (i.e. conversational) but that they are welcome. I hope you feel the same :-)
I believe you have met the structural rules of the Villanelle very nicely, if I remember the format correctly. However, the repeated lines would need to be exact for a true villanelle, so what you have here would be considered a modified villanelle, which is just fine with me! :-) If you would want to fix it, all you would have to do is change the third line to, "Rain poured down and washed away all traces," to match the rest of the stanzas. Or, you could change the other lines to match line three. Either way it would work. This is only a suggestion - I believe the writer has the last word on what he means and writes.
The line three repeating line, as well as the, "twisted faces..." repeated line are excellent. They lend to the unreal feeling of the poem as the reader works out, "real or imagined," as you say in your author's note. They are also a bit disconcerting just by the nature of those phrases. They add a dark circular aspect to the poem; a kind of disconcerting feeling during a storm. It works nicely.
You have a lot of excellent word choices in this poem. "I can't go back from lies I'm bound," is quite interesting, and so is, "Now I'm not in God's good graces." My favorite line, by far, is one that reaches out of the poem and grabs my attention. It made me want to continue to the end; "I still hear the sound of the screaming ground."
The presentation of this poem is excellent. Your picture and the background colors worked well together.
Great work, and I am glad you like it here at FanStory!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for telling me about the rain I thought I took all the "The's" out of the poem. I fixed it much appriciated really.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi keimosobie,
I read through this eerie sort of rhyming piece. I actually really enjoyed the rhyming scheme and symmetry in the words, though I have to admit the scene was surreal, hard to follow but the tone was there, ominous, engaging ... kind of has the feel of a poetry children's hand game (from a more scary movie) I liked it.
--Turtle.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Hi keimosobie,
I read through this eerie sort of rhyming piece. I actually really enjoyed the rhyming scheme and symmetry in the words, though I have to admit the scene was surreal, hard to follow but the tone was there, ominous, engaging ... kind of has the feel of a poetry children's hand game (from a more scary movie) I liked it.
--Turtle.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you.
Comment from Robert D Wilson
Thank for this, keimosobie! I'm fairly new on the site and had never even heard of a villanelle before. Thank you for the educational instructions that accompany your work. Since I have no technical background experience to judge this art form with any compidence - I can only say that you have presented me with a very mysterious story: Is the writer a kid-napper or killer who got away with his crime because of a chance weather event?
Bob
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank for this, keimosobie! I'm fairly new on the site and had never even heard of a villanelle before. Thank you for the educational instructions that accompany your work. Since I have no technical background experience to judge this art form with any compidence - I can only say that you have presented me with a very mysterious story: Is the writer a kid-napper or killer who got away with his crime because of a chance weather event?
Bob
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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It's whatever you think it is. Thats the whole idea of the poem.
Thank you for the stars.
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Real or imagination? I see a young man who murdered the man who mistreated his mother- I see him cut into pieces and placed in boxes ("if I were caught, he'd be found") Freezer? Now, not in God's graces... I'm seeing someone who killed someone and now is burdened with guilt.. You have a GREAT imagination...I hope. Thanks for sharing. Betty
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Real or imagination? I see a young man who murdered the man who mistreated his mother- I see him cut into pieces and placed in boxes ("if I were caught, he'd be found") Freezer? Now, not in God's graces... I'm seeing someone who killed someone and now is burdened with guilt.. You have a GREAT imagination...I hope. Thanks for sharing. Betty
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Your welcome im glad you liked it...I think.
Comment from skye
Structured forms are often the most difficult to write. The repeating lines, the rhymes, and the story must all work to keep the reader interested.
You have accomplished all of this.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Structured forms are often the most difficult to write. The repeating lines, the rhymes, and the story must all work to keep the reader interested.
You have accomplished all of this.
Well done.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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thank you.
Comment from jknc
oh man...this is the creepiest thing I have ever read. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if I was alone in the room. It was like taking a tour of someone with a mental disease.
Fascinating.
Yet I have a feeling that there are lots of other layers to this work that I just didn't get to yet.
You are brilliant.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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oh man...this is the creepiest thing I have ever read. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if I was alone in the room. It was like taking a tour of someone with a mental disease.
Fascinating.
Yet I have a feeling that there are lots of other layers to this work that I just didn't get to yet.
You are brilliant.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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thanks imglad you liked it and thanks for the complement.
Comment from InHisownwrite
Love this because to me it could be about so many things..
I envision "abuse" as being the topic...
Alot of screaming ground.....washing away the traces....
Twisted faces in hiding places.....
favorite: Buried on a desk in a stack of cold cases, If I were caught he would have been found....Alot of great imagery.... Love the last verse..... I might be way off base, but that's what I see...In either case... I love it! Bryan
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Love this because to me it could be about so many things..
I envision "abuse" as being the topic...
Alot of screaming ground.....washing away the traces....
Twisted faces in hiding places.....
favorite: Buried on a desk in a stack of cold cases, If I were caught he would have been found....Alot of great imagery.... Love the last verse..... I might be way off base, but that's what I see...In either case... I love it! Bryan
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from MikiB
Very good writing on this villanelle poem. I knew nothing of this but see where you did it all right! Very strange picture you picked to go with it too.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Very good writing on this villanelle poem. I knew nothing of this but see where you did it all right! Very strange picture you picked to go with it too.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Thanks im glad you liked it.