Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Foster Mother"memiors from my life experiences.
40 total reviews
Comment from flygirl254
This is a beautiful dedication to your foster mom. Please take it from me as the voice of experience, because you say you don't know of her fate but want to tell her your feelings; she knows, and she always knew even when things might get tough. I was blessed enough to actually get to adopt the two I fostered after almost four years. But I always knew, even when I was exasperated and at the end of my wits, that I was giving my kids what they needed on a level beyond "stuff". Even when kids lash out, I knew it wasn't really me. You show that through, "But you held me tight just the same. Kept me dry throughout all the rain." It sounds as though the rain you speak of could be either life's storms or tears or both.
Your poem is obviously very heartfelt, and it conveys the hurt and confusion of the three year old boy you were. It's an excellent tribute to your foster mother. Great work! I know you probably didn't write it specifically with this in mind, but good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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This is a beautiful dedication to your foster mom. Please take it from me as the voice of experience, because you say you don't know of her fate but want to tell her your feelings; she knows, and she always knew even when things might get tough. I was blessed enough to actually get to adopt the two I fostered after almost four years. But I always knew, even when I was exasperated and at the end of my wits, that I was giving my kids what they needed on a level beyond "stuff". Even when kids lash out, I knew it wasn't really me. You show that through, "But you held me tight just the same. Kept me dry throughout all the rain." It sounds as though the rain you speak of could be either life's storms or tears or both.
Your poem is obviously very heartfelt, and it conveys the hurt and confusion of the three year old boy you were. It's an excellent tribute to your foster mother. Great work! I know you probably didn't write it specifically with this in mind, but good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you I did enjoy your review and it is much appriciated thanks.
Comment from TT7Z
Oh such flashback memories how vivid they can become. Your writing is a wonderful echo that should be shouted from the highest peaks you can find, better yet find that foster mom, or her relatives and let them that one you remember her and two that you appreciated what she had done and her sacrifices she made for you. Do it for that mom. It will mean more to her than her helping you means to you. Trust me I know, I was a foster dad for over 12 years and had over 70 kids in that time, few have returned to say thank you in their own special way, please take this to heart and find that mom and let her know if nothing else that you remember her, and watch her face lite up, and a smile as she draws from her memories. As for your writing it is its own special thank you in its own special way, shared to all, now find that mom and give it to her. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life.
tt7z
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Oh such flashback memories how vivid they can become. Your writing is a wonderful echo that should be shouted from the highest peaks you can find, better yet find that foster mom, or her relatives and let them that one you remember her and two that you appreciated what she had done and her sacrifices she made for you. Do it for that mom. It will mean more to her than her helping you means to you. Trust me I know, I was a foster dad for over 12 years and had over 70 kids in that time, few have returned to say thank you in their own special way, please take this to heart and find that mom and let her know if nothing else that you remember her, and watch her face lite up, and a smile as she draws from her memories. As for your writing it is its own special thank you in its own special way, shared to all, now find that mom and give it to her. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life.
tt7z
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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thank you for that wonderful review. I'll try to find her I think your right.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your heartfelt rhyming couplets and your telling the story of your difficult years as a young child. It was wonderful of you to thank and immortalize your foster mother in this poem. I enjoyed your picture choice as well. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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I admired your heartfelt rhyming couplets and your telling the story of your difficult years as a young child. It was wonderful of you to thank and immortalize your foster mother in this poem. I enjoyed your picture choice as well. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Thank you for that excellent review
Comment from Jenn Starr
Wow, intense story- so have you ever found her or contacted her? Do you remember her much? Fostering is so vital and so hard. I foster animal rescues and it breaks my heart everytime I have to give them up for adoption. Though I'm happy they're going home, I'm sad because I love them.
Nice poem
JennStarr*
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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Wow, intense story- so have you ever found her or contacted her? Do you remember her much? Fostering is so vital and so hard. I foster animal rescues and it breaks my heart everytime I have to give them up for adoption. Though I'm happy they're going home, I'm sad because I love them.
Nice poem
JennStarr*
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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I will write a short story about her and it will explain everything.
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I look forward to reading it ;)
Comment from ethveg
It wsa a choice between three stars or four, and I gave it four for the sentiment expressed.
But I'd like it more if the poetic details were revised:
The syntactic reversals ("but none you saved", "my love I do bid") are so formal in structure that they seem to me incongruent with the general tone of the piece (thanking a woman whom you love) and some of the specifics (e.g., the recollection of sitting on Santa's lap as a child.)
Similarly, I'd like it even more if the lines were revised to scan more smoothly. For example, on reading:
"You'll never know how much I needed you.
You saved my life and gave me your virtue."
my mind's inability to scan it as a poem causes it to relapse into reading it as prose, so even the end-rhyme did not come through clearly.
But the sentiment is well worth expressing. From the antepenultimate line, should I assume that after adoption you never heard from your foster mom again?
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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It wsa a choice between three stars or four, and I gave it four for the sentiment expressed.
But I'd like it more if the poetic details were revised:
The syntactic reversals ("but none you saved", "my love I do bid") are so formal in structure that they seem to me incongruent with the general tone of the piece (thanking a woman whom you love) and some of the specifics (e.g., the recollection of sitting on Santa's lap as a child.)
Similarly, I'd like it even more if the lines were revised to scan more smoothly. For example, on reading:
"You'll never know how much I needed you.
You saved my life and gave me your virtue."
my mind's inability to scan it as a poem causes it to relapse into reading it as prose, so even the end-rhyme did not come through clearly.
But the sentiment is well worth expressing. From the antepenultimate line, should I assume that after adoption you never heard from your foster mom again?
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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yes and your correct I only had a short time to write this when I entered the contest but Im going to disect it now and rewrite it. thanks for the info and no I never saw her again.
Comment from afternoonlight
This is a lovely expression of gratitude written by the child within from that time. Special writing to a special person perhaps a reunion one day to close the chapter. Well done
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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This is a lovely expression of gratitude written by the child within from that time. Special writing to a special person perhaps a reunion one day to close the chapter. Well done
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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thank you maybe a reunion not sure.
Comment from AlvinTEthington
A good paean to your foster mother. The rhyming couplets work well and the use of a polysyllabic word and a proximate rhyme insures that a lilting tone is not added to this serious poem. One very minor copy editing note:
I would omit the period after the fifth line; it interrupts the flow of the poem.
Heroine is usually the feminine form of hero, but I think hero works fine here.
Superb closing line.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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A good paean to your foster mother. The rhyming couplets work well and the use of a polysyllabic word and a proximate rhyme insures that a lilting tone is not added to this serious poem. One very minor copy editing note:
I would omit the period after the fifth line; it interrupts the flow of the poem.
Heroine is usually the feminine form of hero, but I think hero works fine here.
Superb closing line.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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Thanks for your input Im working ion a re write to fix the tone.
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i think you misunderstood my review. The tone is fine as is.
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It wsa a choice between three stars or four, and I gave it four for the sentiment expressed.
But I'd like it more if the poetic details were revised:
The syntactic reversals ("but none you saved", "my love I do bid") are so formal in structure that they seem to me incongruent with the general tone of the piece (thanking a woman whom you love) and some of the specifics (e.g., the recollection of sitting on Santa's lap as a child.)
Similarly, I'd like it even more if the lines were revised to scan more smoothly. For example, on reading:
"You'll never know how much I needed you.
You saved my life and gave me your virtue."
my mind's inability to scan it as a poem causes it to relapse into reading it as prose, so even the end-rhyme did not come through clearly.
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This is NOT my review; it doesn't even sound like me.
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This is a review by someone named ethveg, not me. I disagree with it.
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I know but I got two or three like that but it did get all time status so I guess I should leave it. You cant please everyone. Thanks for the input and I will take the period out.
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Not all ratings are equal. When considering how to view a rating, look at the reviewer's profile; that should give you some indication of his or her level of competence.
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well i looked at yours seems pretty competent.
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Thanks.
Comment from LadyCosgrove
This is a beautiful tribute to someone who cared. It is filled with an understanding and gratitude that can only come from the heart
just one small typo in the heading
An unselfish women[woman] who cared for a small boy.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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This is a beautiful tribute to someone who cared. It is filled with an understanding and gratitude that can only come from the heart
just one small typo in the heading
An unselfish women[woman] who cared for a small boy.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review
Comment from R. K. Alan
What a delightful tribute to an unsung heroine in your life. I felt the genuineness in this piece through your word selection and emotive style. Thanks for sharing this. Ray aka Krylon
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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What a delightful tribute to an unsung heroine in your life. I felt the genuineness in this piece through your word selection and emotive style. Thanks for sharing this. Ray aka Krylon
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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your welcome and thanks for the great review.
Comment from jmyron
There are some horror stories in the annals of the foster home program. There are many stories of inspiration to be found there too. I am gladdened that your story was one of the latter...
John
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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There are some horror stories in the annals of the foster home program. There are many stories of inspiration to be found there too. I am gladdened that your story was one of the latter...
John
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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well its not the whole story i had a foster dad too and he was a real bastard lol