His Silence
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "His Silence - Chapter Two"Why did a 14 year old boy murder his parents?
8 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this chapter. It is starting to pick up momentum with characterization and the conflict that was leftover from chapter 1.
Little fixes:
'Maybe the parties more for her
I think you mean:
'Maybe the party's more for her
Also, you can take the apostrophe out of the plural of cappuccinos.
Suggestion: Add a physical description of Callum. Clothes are not enough. I would rather read something like his hair and eye color, and maybe his fingernails are always well-trimmed, or not.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2024
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I liked reading this chapter. It is starting to pick up momentum with characterization and the conflict that was leftover from chapter 1.
Little fixes:
'Maybe the parties more for her
I think you mean:
'Maybe the party's more for her
Also, you can take the apostrophe out of the plural of cappuccinos.
Suggestion: Add a physical description of Callum. Clothes are not enough. I would rather read something like his hair and eye color, and maybe his fingernails are always well-trimmed, or not.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2024
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Thank you, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
I like your style of moving the chapter forward with dialogue, yet adding a bit of description so that the reader can feel the setting that surrounds the characters. I am eager to learn what the man wanted to tell Danielle. Great story!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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I like your style of moving the chapter forward with dialogue, yet adding a bit of description so that the reader can feel the setting that surrounds the characters. I am eager to learn what the man wanted to tell Danielle. Great story!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 09-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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Thank you Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a lengthy chapter here and I felt it was a wee bit too detailed about the interior of the pub as I was wanting to learn more about Danielle and how she's coping. I like the way you've fast-forwarded to her adulthood though, providing an entirely different image of her than the one we saw in the beginning, the poignancy and tragedy of it all still not lost. Thank you for sharing this further piece of the jigsaw and this harrowing story. Well done, Jacob! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
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This is a lengthy chapter here and I felt it was a wee bit too detailed about the interior of the pub as I was wanting to learn more about Danielle and how she's coping. I like the way you've fast-forwarded to her adulthood though, providing an entirely different image of her than the one we saw in the beginning, the poignancy and tragedy of it all still not lost. Thank you for sharing this further piece of the jigsaw and this harrowing story. Well done, Jacob! Debbie
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I was actually told by a previous reader that they wanted more description of the pub so I added that. It just shows how subjective reading is. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You have generated a great deal of mystery in this chapter and fleshed out your characters well. I am drawn to read chapter 1 that I missed somehow. Just one little niggle due to a repetition:
Already... then begins... jogging up and down on the spot = redundancy
kay
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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You have generated a great deal of mystery in this chapter and fleshed out your characters well. I am drawn to read chapter 1 that I missed somehow. Just one little niggle due to a repetition:
Already... then begins... jogging up and down on the spot = redundancy
kay
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Thank you I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
How many stories do you have going now. I know two for sure and I'm thinking three, maybe four. Anyway, I am enjoying reading so keep writing. I want to know what this guy has to say.
Two cappuccino's please,' I say as we sit down, smiling at the barman. (you can omit 'down')
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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How many stories do you have going now. I know two for sure and I'm thinking three, maybe four. Anyway, I am enjoying reading so keep writing. I want to know what this guy has to say.
Two cappuccino's please,' I say as we sit down, smiling at the barman. (you can omit 'down')
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your writing is captivating! The way you blend everyday moments with subtle tension keeps me hooked. I love how you've brought Danielle's world to life with such authenticity and detail. Keep up the fantastic work!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Your writing is captivating! The way you blend everyday moments with subtle tension keeps me hooked. I love how you've brought Danielle's world to life with such authenticity and detail. Keep up the fantastic work!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Thank you Michael, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
So far, I have no clue to what is going on. I am just realizing that the narrator of this story is a female. I now sure why the stranger what to talk about her family had to pushed away and not she is wondering that meant by saying it might be something she woule want to hears.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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So far, I have no clue to what is going on. I am just realizing that the narrator of this story is a female. I now sure why the stranger what to talk about her family had to pushed away and not she is wondering that meant by saying it might be something she woule want to hears.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Thank you Beth, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Neonewman
You have delivered a well-crafted piece, Jacob. I'll have to read the first chapter after work. You have us all wondering what the man was talking about. Great storyline.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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You have delivered a well-crafted piece, Jacob. I'll have to read the first chapter after work. You have us all wondering what the man was talking about. Great storyline.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 07-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2024
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Thank you Steve, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
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My pleasure, Jacob.