Death By Murder
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Death By Murder Chap 23"A jewel heist, rival gangs and a cold case.
17 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. Appreciate it so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Mason has his hands full with Paddy, but he's a good big brother even if he is a thief. This is an interesting part with suspense and uncertainty showing the type of characters Paddy and Mason are.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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Mason has his hands full with Paddy, but he's a good big brother even if he is a thief. This is an interesting part with suspense and uncertainty showing the type of characters Paddy and Mason are.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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I hoped to show the different sides of each brother..I didn't want to make them all evil, which most people aren't anyways. Glad you could see the characters.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an interesting chapter. You have developed the personalities of Mason and Paddy. Prior to this chapter, I didn't realize how dependent Paddy was. He could turn out to be a burden to Mason, who doesn't seem too smart. Their actions adds spice to the story.
Note:
He watched as Mason disappeared into the shadows and climbed into the backseat, (It sounds as though Mason climbed into the back seat, when it was Paddy who climbed).
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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This is an interesting chapter. You have developed the personalities of Mason and Paddy. Prior to this chapter, I didn't realize how dependent Paddy was. He could turn out to be a burden to Mason, who doesn't seem too smart. Their actions adds spice to the story.
Note:
He watched as Mason disappeared into the shadows and climbed into the backseat, (It sounds as though Mason climbed into the back seat, when it was Paddy who climbed).
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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I had a difficult time actually stating that Paddy was "slow witted" (probably because my skin crawls when someone mentions my son as retarded). I hoped that his whining and Mason's nurturing would say it for me.
You are right about the sentence and I have fixed it. Thank you!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Oh great. These two are like the bad news bears! (With a hint of menace and a whole lot of missteps and second guesses.)
Love the chapter and the almost comical interplay between these two geniuses.
If I had any suggestions it would be to perhaps spiff up this line a tad:
" With time to think as they traveled, he realized his plan wasn't well thought out."
And then replace the word "think" in the ensuing sentences with a variety of synonymous words...
Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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Oh great. These two are like the bad news bears! (With a hint of menace and a whole lot of missteps and second guesses.)
Love the chapter and the almost comical interplay between these two geniuses.
If I had any suggestions it would be to perhaps spiff up this line a tad:
" With time to think as they traveled, he realized his plan wasn't well thought out."
And then replace the word "think" in the ensuing sentences with a variety of synonymous words...
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
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Good morning, Karenina
Hope your night has been calm and restful and you are ready to start a new day.
Thank you so much for the suggestions and in a moment I will try to wrap this cobwebbed brain around it and adjust.
I am glad you could see the many facets of Mason and Paddy. I didn't want them lumped into the same basket as Bruiser and the gang. They just got swept up into something far bigger than they ever expected.
Hugs, Carol
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That spoke to me. Bumbleheads lured by greed? Still, a core of morality that would not let go!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Why is it that a hungry old boy just can't seem to pass up the food, even when he knows it might get him into trouble? LOL. Well, I'm that way at least. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Why is it that a hungry old boy just can't seem to pass up the food, even when he knows it might get him into trouble? LOL. Well, I'm that way at least. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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What's your pleasure, my friend? Southern fried chicken, a bowl of hearty chili, seafood or a hefty plate of mozzarella-ladened pasta topped with Italian sweet sausage and meatballs?
Thanks for checking out this chapter of the story. I appreciate it very much. Sending some smiles your direction.
Always, Carol
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Oh, whee, they all sound wonderful to me, but the hefty plate with the sausage and meatballs would do me best. LOL. Although, I'd be happy for any of the three. :-)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Paddy is a real baby, isn't he? Goodness knows where he'd be without Mason. Now they are in a fix. I think Paddy's tummy will be their downfall!!!! LOL. I remember the days when we never locked our doors, but that's a long time ago. Now I have one more to read, perhaps 2? :)) This has been fun. Love and more hugs! :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Paddy is a real baby, isn't he? Goodness knows where he'd be without Mason. Now they are in a fix. I think Paddy's tummy will be their downfall!!!! LOL. I remember the days when we never locked our doors, but that's a long time ago. Now I have one more to read, perhaps 2? :)) This has been fun. Love and more hugs! :)) Sandra
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Actually, I looked at Paddy has having mental problems but he always counted on his brother to get by. I struggled with inserting words like mental or half-wit probably because my son in mental impaired and I refused to let anyone label him... we know his limitations and accept it.
As for unlocked doors, those days have disappeared for good I think. Sad that trust has slipped away. I think the simple life rewarded us with so much more than today... at least emotionally.
Hugs and love, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent development with these charaters added to the mix. They don't seem very professional, so will probably get caught. Another interesting read.
Wendy
Typo: Once outside, Morgan's adrenaline kicked in (Mason's adrenaline)
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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An excellent development with these charaters added to the mix. They don't seem very professional, so will probably get caught. Another interesting read.
Wendy
Typo: Once outside, Morgan's adrenaline kicked in (Mason's adrenaline)
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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It appears my feeble mind can't seem to keep track of my own characters and I give them new names. Thanks for pointing that out! Appreciate your support and help as always.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Close calls for both Mason and Paddy. Paddy is left alone, but it doesn't sound like he's going to be able to make it on his own. Another interesting chapter to your book.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Close calls for both Mason and Paddy. Paddy is left alone, but it doesn't sound like he's going to be able to make it on his own. Another interesting chapter to your book.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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You are right! Paddy depends heavily on Mason and unfortunately they have traveled the wrong path. Mason loves his brother and the glitter of diamonds has blinded him to the outcome.
Thanks for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I hope that store that Mason robbed has some surveillance cameras and that he will be easily picked up by the police. That would stop the duo but Costello has a cop working for him on the inside which will be much more of a problem.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Well, I hope that store that Mason robbed has some surveillance cameras and that he will be easily picked up by the police. That would stop the duo but Costello has a cop working for him on the inside which will be much more of a problem.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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It was a tiny town in the Appalachians and by the looks of the junk stored behind the buildings and the unlocked doors, I don't think cameras were a priority. Though I may be wrong. LOL
Hugs, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
This was an exciting chapter. As usual, you took this reader into the story and followed Mason while he broke into the store. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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This was an exciting chapter. As usual, you took this reader into the story and followed Mason while he broke into the store. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much for enjoying the chapter and connecting to the emotions as the two young men begin to unravel in their crime. Appreciate the support as always.
Hugs, Carol
