Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Revenge - Chap 8"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
21 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Sheriff Welcher has got a knack of obfuscating things, to the point of obstructing justice ... I wonder if he'll ever soften up and become friends with Garth, or what it will take?
Just a couple of suggestions for revisions:
Controlling his 'I told you so smirk,' Garth nodded.
-->
Controlling his 'I told you so' smirk, Garth nodded.
and Hank made a u-turn,
-->
and Hank made a U-turn,
***
Seriously, what's Welcher's problem?
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Sheriff Welcher has got a knack of obfuscating things, to the point of obstructing justice ... I wonder if he'll ever soften up and become friends with Garth, or what it will take?
Just a couple of suggestions for revisions:
Controlling his 'I told you so smirk,' Garth nodded.
-->
Controlling his 'I told you so' smirk, Garth nodded.
and Hank made a u-turn,
-->
and Hank made a U-turn,
***
Seriously, what's Welcher's problem?
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
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Bless you Carol, with lots of hugs and love! - Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from lancellot
Things are moving. Garth's reaction to the Sheriff was perfect. Also, the sheriff reminds me of the Mayor from the movie Jaws. Neither wanted any bad press to interfere with money coming into a small town. Another woman dead. On to the next. Good work.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Things are moving. Garth's reaction to the Sheriff was perfect. Also, the sheriff reminds me of the Mayor from the movie Jaws. Neither wanted any bad press to interfere with money coming into a small town. Another woman dead. On to the next. Good work.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
This chapter is much more showing and that is great but you are still telling in places where, in my opinion, you should be showing. The emotions, for one. Showing the reader how the main character feels gives them the connection they need, in my opinion. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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This chapter is much more showing and that is great but you are still telling in places where, in my opinion, you should be showing. The emotions, for one. Showing the reader how the main character feels gives them the connection they need, in my opinion. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Wow. These guys are planning on playing pretty rough - if they are gonna take out multiple Jaz-alikes. They have a very certain plan in mind and it's gonna hurt a lot of people. YIKES!
As always, you are a thousand steps ahead of everyone. I'm enjoying this a lot. *smile*
Notes:
1.) but he had more to say, even if the (s)heriff didn't want to hear it.
2.) The (s)heriff shrugged and continued to read
3.) Listen, Woodman(,) it looks like a tragic accident
4.) Someone probably startled her; she lost her
--> Someone probably startled her, she lost her balance, and fell.
5.) that gives the residents of St. Simon(s) Island a great deal of money.
6.) The (s)heriff glared across his desk at Garth
--> if you can substitute a name for the word then it needs caps
--> The Carol glared across his desk at Garth -- nope
--> Carol (Sheriff Bob) glared across his desk. Yep.
--> need to go through and fix the rest
Really intriguing stuff. You're doing great. I love ya, chick. Hope your days are going well. I'm praying for you. Hugs and hugs and hugs--
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Carol,
Wow. These guys are planning on playing pretty rough - if they are gonna take out multiple Jaz-alikes. They have a very certain plan in mind and it's gonna hurt a lot of people. YIKES!
As always, you are a thousand steps ahead of everyone. I'm enjoying this a lot. *smile*
Notes:
1.) but he had more to say, even if the (s)heriff didn't want to hear it.
2.) The (s)heriff shrugged and continued to read
3.) Listen, Woodman(,) it looks like a tragic accident
4.) Someone probably startled her; she lost her
--> Someone probably startled her, she lost her balance, and fell.
5.) that gives the residents of St. Simon(s) Island a great deal of money.
6.) The (s)heriff glared across his desk at Garth
--> if you can substitute a name for the word then it needs caps
--> The Carol glared across his desk at Garth -- nope
--> Carol (Sheriff Bob) glared across his desk. Yep.
--> need to go through and fix the rest
Really intriguing stuff. You're doing great. I love ya, chick. Hope your days are going well. I'm praying for you. Hugs and hugs and hugs--
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I find my mind walks easier through a dark fictional murder mystery than it can through reality at the moment. Please know that without your support and constant encouragement, I doubt that I could exist. The only glimmer of hope I find is with you and others like you on this site. I am so appreciative of your time and effort to review my story and I apologize for always being behind with my thank yous. please know that I read each and everyone when they arrive though I lag far behind in the thank you department.
Your support is my silver lining. Thank you! Carol
Comment from karenina
A really crystal clear chapter-- excellent back and forth between Garth and the very unfriendly (aloof for some other reason?) Sheriff Welcher. Garth gave as good as he got. Oh no! Imagine (inept Welcher)--they found a bullet! Looks like murder is being served up in double portions. I cant' imagine it's Jaz. (Which doesn't mean much because you always keep be off balance clever writer you!)-- Love the complexities already revealed in this young novel...
Karenina
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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A really crystal clear chapter-- excellent back and forth between Garth and the very unfriendly (aloof for some other reason?) Sheriff Welcher. Garth gave as good as he got. Oh no! Imagine (inept Welcher)--they found a bullet! Looks like murder is being served up in double portions. I cant' imagine it's Jaz. (Which doesn't mean much because you always keep be off balance clever writer you!)-- Love the complexities already revealed in this young novel...
Karenina
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Six more days and I hope a decision is made. Love you, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! This is an elaborate way to punish Allie. Most people what would try to kill Allie and not drive her crazy making her think her sister was dead. What if Allie and her sister were estranged and they almost were. All that might not produce the effect they wanted. For someone seeking revenge from something he didn't do he doing enough now to get the death penalty. This is a great story. I've been away a couple of days and I'm behind.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Wow! This is an elaborate way to punish Allie. Most people what would try to kill Allie and not drive her crazy making her think her sister was dead. What if Allie and her sister were estranged and they almost were. All that might not produce the effect they wanted. For someone seeking revenge from something he didn't do he doing enough now to get the death penalty. This is a great story. I've been away a couple of days and I'm behind.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
The plot is getting complicated. Another murder. As always I like the dialogues which take the story forward. They are descriptive and create a realistic image. The story is moving at an even pace and holds readers interest. Keep them coming! Much enjoyed!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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The plot is getting complicated. Another murder. As always I like the dialogues which take the story forward. They are descriptive and create a realistic image. The story is moving at an even pace and holds readers interest. Keep them coming! Much enjoyed!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Mary Shifman
You've perfected the art of leaving a chapter just when you really, really want to know what's going on! I have a bad feeling that this victim actually is Jazz. That Sheriff is a piece of work, too. I'm wondering if he in cahoots with Vito. Can't wait for the next chapter!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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You've perfected the art of leaving a chapter just when you really, really want to know what's going on! I have a bad feeling that this victim actually is Jazz. That Sheriff is a piece of work, too. I'm wondering if he in cahoots with Vito. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
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You are welcome. I'm sure I will.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I loved your description and realistic dialogue between Garth and Sheriff Welcher. Garth asked all the correct questions that the sheriff couldn't have cared less about. You ended on a very suspenseful note. Another woman's body is found with a connection to Jaz. What kind of game is someone playing?
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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I loved your description and realistic dialogue between Garth and Sheriff Welcher. Garth asked all the correct questions that the sheriff couldn't have cared less about. You ended on a very suspenseful note. Another woman's body is found with a connection to Jaz. What kind of game is someone playing?
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
The plot certainly thickens in this chapter! Fast paced, and excellent writing, keeping us wanting more from each section. I can tell that there will be lots of twists and turns and a frustrating or corrupt sheriff in the way. Thanks for a great post.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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The plot certainly thickens in this chapter! Fast paced, and excellent writing, keeping us wanting more from each section. I can tell that there will be lots of twists and turns and a frustrating or corrupt sheriff in the way. Thanks for a great post.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
