CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "An Unexpected Smile"A collection of poetry
89 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Not only do you maintain the required rhyme and metre, with, I'll admit, your usual impeccability, but you also hold to the format of the sonnet, which is to have a "volta", which you introduce here with the third stanza, plus the summation/conclusion in the final couplet. Add to that a charming use of vocabulary, plus a charmingly understated sentiment and I guess you have another winner here.
Regards
Reg
PS I have just started to read up on the "technicalities" of the sonnet, hence my seeming erudition.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Not only do you maintain the required rhyme and metre, with, I'll admit, your usual impeccability, but you also hold to the format of the sonnet, which is to have a "volta", which you introduce here with the third stanza, plus the summation/conclusion in the final couplet. Add to that a charming use of vocabulary, plus a charmingly understated sentiment and I guess you have another winner here.
Regards
Reg
PS I have just started to read up on the "technicalities" of the sonnet, hence my seeming erudition.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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My word! Have you ever studied up! ha!! I do LOVE your enthusiasm for poetry. I chose to have the "smile" given in the first stanza and then to reflect on where I "had been" in the past and then in the 9th line, make "the turn". (rather than starting with 2nd stanza and going in chronological order). Wanted the sparks to fly up front. LOL!! Thank you so much for your most generous review and lovely compliments. Good for you on doing all the reading up you can. Took me awhile. I just bought a wonderful book on poetry and am learning so much more. It is a never-ending vast land of learning. Cheers, Sue
Comment from pabelk
Wow so this is how a poem is done. This is a beautiful piece and easy to follow. I loved the last couplet...
My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
Now melted by your beckoning delight
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Wow so this is how a poem is done. This is a beautiful piece and easy to follow. I loved the last couplet...
My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
Now melted by your beckoning delight
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Pabelk, your "wow" is so awesome! Now, THAT's a great review! Thank you so much for your great review and lovely compliment. :-)) Sue
Comment from betsywest
This Shakespeare style sonnet has complex sentences and word use but reads well and smoothly in perfect iambic pentameter. The subject matter is love, given and found, after a long period of not having or sharing it. Readers who would identify with the poem might be women who took a lover at a later age, or even men. Or perhaps someone has finally learned to love and care about someone, but especially because someone new has come into their life and showed them how this is done. The person of the poem??s voice has lived sadly, perhaps, or carefully, and maybe rightfully so. But at this juncture that person is very glad to be on the other side of all the carefulness. It would be hard to tell anyone there is room to improve on a traditional sonnet form, because the form itself is very uncommon to our everyday speaking, except for the iambic cadence. I might look for areas to make sentences more complete so the reader was sure about the meaning. ''Forevermore to keep my soul in sheath A promise made, an oath I'd never yield'' As you can see it isn??t a sentence structure. That??s okay of course. But if it were, it would be more clear. A word here or there would do this. But you??ve already achieved the rhyme etc. I??d say why bother a great effort. I give you a 4 only because I am a tough reviewer and I believe if you are talented enough to do this much, you could actually take the last few steps to that little extra clarity. A pleasure.
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This Shakespeare style sonnet has complex sentences and word use but reads well and smoothly in perfect iambic pentameter. The subject matter is love, given and found, after a long period of not having or sharing it. Readers who would identify with the poem might be women who took a lover at a later age, or even men. Or perhaps someone has finally learned to love and care about someone, but especially because someone new has come into their life and showed them how this is done. The person of the poem??s voice has lived sadly, perhaps, or carefully, and maybe rightfully so. But at this juncture that person is very glad to be on the other side of all the carefulness. It would be hard to tell anyone there is room to improve on a traditional sonnet form, because the form itself is very uncommon to our everyday speaking, except for the iambic cadence. I might look for areas to make sentences more complete so the reader was sure about the meaning. ''Forevermore to keep my soul in sheath A promise made, an oath I'd never yield'' As you can see it isn??t a sentence structure. That??s okay of course. But if it were, it would be more clear. A word here or there would do this. But you??ve already achieved the rhyme etc. I??d say why bother a great effort. I give you a 4 only because I am a tough reviewer and I believe if you are talented enough to do this much, you could actually take the last few steps to that little extra clarity. A pleasure.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
Comment from rmdelta
sue, this was a beautiful writing, my friend. Filled with wonderful descriptives and it was quite smooth all the way through. Good luck in the contest, Sue.
Reggie
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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sue, this was a beautiful writing, my friend. Filled with wonderful descriptives and it was quite smooth all the way through. Good luck in the contest, Sue.
Reggie
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Hi Reggie! Am so glad you enjoyed this sonnet. Thanks for your compliments and great review. Always, Sue
Comment from Roisin
This is beautiful, Sue. Your rhymes and meter are perfect and I just love your use of words - they sound so beautiful when I read them out loud. They practically sing to me. I was just in the process of attempting one for this contest but I just couldn't come close to this. Great job and good luck.
Warm regards.
Roisin
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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This is beautiful, Sue. Your rhymes and meter are perfect and I just love your use of words - they sound so beautiful when I read them out loud. They practically sing to me. I was just in the process of attempting one for this contest but I just couldn't come close to this. Great job and good luck.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Roisin, please do join the contest. There is nothing like a beautiful sonnet to work on. Plus, the vote time isn't for awhile yet! Thanks so much for your excellent review. Always, Sue
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Hi Sue,
You'll be glad to know that I did join the contest. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the wonderful poems I read here and just feel that I couldn't come close to them. Your sonnet has such beautiful words and imagery and really sings from the page. I don't have the vocabulary rang that you and a lot of others have. I write in a more simple way and worry sometimes that it might come across as childlike. I suppose it's just my insecurities. Thanks for the encouragement.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Very well done writing this poem in this form it reads very well it is a difficult form to get right and you have done well yet again I enjoyed regards Fuller
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Very well done writing this poem in this form it reads very well it is a difficult form to get right and you have done well yet again I enjoyed regards Fuller
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Fuller, I have come to love the sonnet so much. And continue to write them so I can get better. I thank you so much for your very kind review. And so glad you enjoyed it! Always appreciated, Sue
Comment from NightWriter
"An Unexpected Smile" is a beautifully written sonnet. It reads very smooth with perfect rhythm and rhyming from beginning to end. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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"An Unexpected Smile" is a beautifully written sonnet. It reads very smooth with perfect rhythm and rhyming from beginning to end. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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NightWriter, your compliments mean so much. And thank you so much for your very kind review! Always appreciated, Sue
Comment from mdbdyot
I really enjoyed this. And the color choice and picture goes well with this as well. Thank you for your words they were lovely.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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I really enjoyed this. And the color choice and picture goes well with this as well. Thank you for your words they were lovely.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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I am so honored to receive your highest regard for this work. Means so much to me! So glad you enjoyed it. I do love a sonnet. Again, thank you so very much. From my heart...Sue
Comment from joan marie
This is a great sonnet. I wish I had the nerve to write one. I love reading good ones though. This is a great entry, good luck joan marie
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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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This is a great sonnet. I wish I had the nerve to write one. I love reading good ones though. This is a great entry, good luck joan marie
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Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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I've read your work. Yes, you can write a sonnet!! I didn't have the nerve either a couple of months ago. Just like anything, it takes a bit of practice. Once you write one, you fall in love with them even more. DO IT!! Thanks so much for your great review. With regards, Sue
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I just keep reading these great works of sonnets and the more I read the more I shy away. Haven't learned my new form for the month either. Found a list online of a bunch of different formats and explanations and examples. jm
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Have you tried the rictameter yet?
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I don't even know what it is. I would like to try something exotic like Skeltonic verse or a Whitney. jm