Haiku Club Challenges, Book II
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "summer love on beach (haiku)"an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets
85 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Wow, in its brevity, this poem speaks volumes. It speaks of romance and passion. You painted some strong images -- I saw the loving couple, felt the sand, and the scratches.
You did an excellent job in writing. In short and long poetic forms.
Have a wonderful week.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Wow, in its brevity, this poem speaks volumes. It speaks of romance and passion. You painted some strong images -- I saw the loving couple, felt the sand, and the scratches.
You did an excellent job in writing. In short and long poetic forms.
Have a wonderful week.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Poetic Friend, for your review of my brief poem which speaks volumes. I appreciate your compliments.
Comment from LIJ Red
Loved those long beaches on Santa Rosa Island. Twenty-two, newlywed Navy seaman stationed at Pensacola. Excellent haiku about nitty gritty love near the surf...
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Loved those long beaches on Santa Rosa Island. Twenty-two, newlywed Navy seaman stationed at Pensacola. Excellent haiku about nitty gritty love near the surf...
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, LiJ Red, this is nitty gritty love. Thank you for your review, memories, and compliments.
Comment from robyn corum
Andre,
This is a super poem with VIVID graphics! hahaha! Just as you intended ?? My only thought is that I happen to notice this poem is written in the very strict 5/7/5 format. You DO realize that Western haiku are not restricted in this way, right?
As long as the poem remains under 17 syllables and can be spoken aloud in one breath, it constitutes a haiku. Please don't hold yourself to this format - it often lends itself to awkward and gangly poems.
In this case, I would recommend changing the last line to eliminate some of the excess, perhaps to: itch scratch ouch ?
Just a thought. Thanks!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Andre,
This is a super poem with VIVID graphics! hahaha! Just as you intended ?? My only thought is that I happen to notice this poem is written in the very strict 5/7/5 format. You DO realize that Western haiku are not restricted in this way, right?
As long as the poem remains under 17 syllables and can be spoken aloud in one breath, it constitutes a haiku. Please don't hold yourself to this format - it often lends itself to awkward and gangly poems.
In this case, I would recommend changing the last line to eliminate some of the excess, perhaps to: itch scratch ouch ?
Just a thought. Thanks!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, yes, Robyn, I am aware of Western haiku having fewer than seventeen syllables. I will take a look at that line.
Thank you for your review of my super poem with VIVID graphics!
Comment from Mame
This is certainly a novel approach to the Haiku. The photo is a perfect match too. You have told so much in such very effective language - love it!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This is certainly a novel approach to the Haiku. The photo is a perfect match too. You have told so much in such very effective language - love it!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Mame, for your review of my novel approach to a Haiku. I tell so much in few but effective words. Thanks.
Comment from Hansel1
A fun piece. Truth holds the gravity of irony, which is apparent as you illustrate a humor found in a traditionally romantic setting. The photograph sets the stage, only to be refuted by your words.
Thank you for sharing your work - Cheers!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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A fun piece. Truth holds the gravity of irony, which is apparent as you illustrate a humor found in a traditionally romantic setting. The photograph sets the stage, only to be refuted by your words.
Thank you for sharing your work - Cheers!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Hansel, for your generous review. I am glad you enjoyed the humor in my poem.
Comment from jlsavell
Sis Cat!
You are so funny. Great humor in this exceptional work. What can I say!!!
You are good at this form, truly.
By the way loved the movie.
Jimi
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Sis Cat!
You are so funny. Great humor in this exceptional work. What can I say!!!
You are good at this form, truly.
By the way loved the movie.
Jimi
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, yes, Jimi, I loved "From Hear to Eternity." I kept saying to myself, "I want to write a haiku that gets under people's skins." I have achieved that here. Thank you for your review.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Andre, Oh you naughty naughty boy ... laughing. This is such a sexy little piece at least until you get sand in those nether regions. :) then it's itch itch itch ... loved it! xoxo d
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hello Andre, Oh you naughty naughty boy ... laughing. This is such a sexy little piece at least until you get sand in those nether regions. :) then it's itch itch itch ... loved it! xoxo d
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Kiwigirl, for your glowing review of my funny, naughty poem. I am glad it made you laugh.
Comment from rama devi
That's the most visceral satori line I've ever seen. Hee hee. Great picture to complement your humorous theme. The irony of passion and perfection in tandem with but-itch is witty. Well done. Where the sun don't shine is cliche phrasing, but used in this context, it fits! Well done. I love how the closing line sounds like what it describes.
Chuckling,
rd
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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That's the most visceral satori line I've ever seen. Hee hee. Great picture to complement your humorous theme. The irony of passion and perfection in tandem with but-itch is witty. Well done. Where the sun don't shine is cliche phrasing, but used in this context, it fits! Well done. I love how the closing line sounds like what it describes.
Chuckling,
rd
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, Rama, the closing line sounds like it describes. Thank you for your review of my humorous, witty poem.
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:-)))))
Comment from bookishfabler
I never got the making love on sand thing. It's hard enough in a pool or shower. One time We were in the woods in fall and made love on a pile of colored dry leaves. Those were stuck to his ass and my knees and a pain to get off. Sand. Yuck!
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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I never got the making love on sand thing. It's hard enough in a pool or shower. One time We were in the woods in fall and made love on a pile of colored dry leaves. Those were stuck to his ass and my knees and a pain to get off. Sand. Yuck!
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, Heidi, that would make a great haiku--the ass covered with colored dry leaves. You should write it! Thank you for our review.
Comment from Ricky1024
Classic Movie...
Classic Singer...
Classic Actors...
All the past which is impossible to grasp...
"To find 'Eternity"
"We must first find our "Here."
Thanks Sis,
Ricky 1024.
Loved the music.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Classic Movie...
Classic Singer...
Classic Actors...
All the past which is impossible to grasp...
"To find 'Eternity"
"We must first find our "Here."
Thanks Sis,
Ricky 1024.
Loved the music.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ricky, for your review of my poem which uses a classic movie, singer, and actors to illustrate it.
