The Window
Can Darkness Expunge the Light?90 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
Lovely poem and presentation. I agree with you, the window is perfect for what you have written.
I like the fact that the meaning is somewhat cryptic. I wish I knew who was speaking. What did he do? What kind of fall is he talking about?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Lovely poem and presentation. I agree with you, the window is perfect for what you have written.
I like the fact that the meaning is somewhat cryptic. I wish I knew who was speaking. What did he do? What kind of fall is he talking about?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Your wish is being granted: I had envisioned "his" standing before an open window, witnessing a person on the street below being shot and falling. How that affected "him" took the poem and the persona to his particular action. I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this, for your kind words and generous rating, Maria.
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Thanks for explaining. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Cinquain. We can see ourselves fall, but it takes a while to realize it is not someone else we see that falls, but indeed ourselves.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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A very well-written Cinquain. We can see ourselves fall, but it takes a while to realize it is not someone else we see that falls, but indeed ourselves.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Very perceptive of my intent, Sandra. Thank you so much for reading this at the depth I was hoping it would be read.
Comment from Emily George
Really great use of the syllable count in this one. I like the way you have the lines appear to fall as it reflects well with the content of your poem. A sad poem in its way. It could represent us mere humans and our fall from grace?
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Really great use of the syllable count in this one. I like the way you have the lines appear to fall as it reflects well with the content of your poem. A sad poem in its way. It could represent us mere humans and our fall from grace?
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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You were the first to comment on the "architecture" of this poem beyond the necessary Cinquain syllabication. The actual fall of the lines was intentional, but I assumed it would be a subliminal effect. Thanks for bringing it to the surface.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I do love Cleo's artwork and also this Cinquain poem that you've written around it. He watched him fall but didn't go to help instead, locked himself inside, so he was the one that fell. Or it could be he's watching his own demise, either (I think) would work. Makes you think this poem, well done.
cheers,
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I do love Cleo's artwork and also this Cinquain poem that you've written around it. He watched him fall but didn't go to help instead, locked himself inside, so he was the one that fell. Or it could be he's watching his own demise, either (I think) would work. Makes you think this poem, well done.
cheers,
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Rich blessings for your Spot On interpretation of my intent. To me the intent on the symbolic level would be the same (at least similar) with either death or falling. Wouldn't you agree? Geeze, thanks, again, Pearl. Very perceptive of you.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay
= Indeed, I've pulled the windows and doors shut at times and shut the world away.
= Sometimes it doesn't matter who falls--grief is grief in all its forms.
= You pulled a lot of emotion out of this, my friend. Excellent writing.
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers ... Jax
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Hi, Jay
= Indeed, I've pulled the windows and doors shut at times and shut the world away.
= Sometimes it doesn't matter who falls--grief is grief in all its forms.
= You pulled a lot of emotion out of this, my friend. Excellent writing.
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers ... Jax
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Ahhhhh, thank you, Jax. I'm enjoying these poetic requirements that keep me thinking, and particularly in the short forms to emote through an abstraction.
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your cinquain "The Window". You followed all the rules and chose an interesting picture.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed reading your cinquain "The Window". You followed all the rules and chose an interesting picture.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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THank you for your thoughts on this, Marybell, and keeping me honest with the rules.
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from Treischel
I read your excellent poem, done as a Cinquain, and was intrigued as it rose in mysterious tension, then circled around to unexpected reality. Very well done , Should do very well in the contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I read your excellent poem, done as a Cinquain, and was intrigued as it rose in mysterious tension, then circled around to unexpected reality. Very well done , Should do very well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Many thanks, Treischel. YOur review, itself, was poetic in its imagery. Thank you for showing you care enough to have read it at its own level. I appreciate, too, your well-wishes. We'll see if it makes the cut.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is such a poignant poem as grief can be all consuming and the loneliness can hit you all of a sudden at night when everything is silent and go to bed, I could identify with these words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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This is such a poignant poem as grief can be all consuming and the loneliness can hit you all of a sudden at night when everything is silent and go to bed, I could identify with these words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Ah, thank you, Dolly. How poignantly you caught the flavor of my poem! The whole focus should be HIS fall. And you embraced it. Bless you, Dolly!
Comment from Stacia Ann
I've used Cleo's work numerous times too:) I completely agree with you on how it really enhances your work (if you get a chance, take a look at "The Water Nymph" in my portfolio for a great example of this.)
Now on to your work:
I really like the theme of windows. The image is so haunting--they divide, and yet you can still see through them. The voice or narrator of the poem saw the fall--drawing the blinds wasn't enough to erase the knowledge. The experience on both sides of the window is the same! Really complex ideas.
I like the color. I'm not sure the formatting quite works for the theme of window. Maybe have two columns to represent the two sides of the window? It may be something to consider in revision.
Nice work! Thanks for sharing.
Stacia
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I've used Cleo's work numerous times too:) I completely agree with you on how it really enhances your work (if you get a chance, take a look at "The Water Nymph" in my portfolio for a great example of this.)
Now on to your work:
I really like the theme of windows. The image is so haunting--they divide, and yet you can still see through them. The voice or narrator of the poem saw the fall--drawing the blinds wasn't enough to erase the knowledge. The experience on both sides of the window is the same! Really complex ideas.
I like the color. I'm not sure the formatting quite works for the theme of window. Maybe have two columns to represent the two sides of the window? It may be something to consider in revision.
Nice work! Thanks for sharing.
Stacia
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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That's an interesting thought, Stacia--I mean the architecture of the poem. I'm not quite sure how I would bring it about, though, with such a short poem. I'll play around with it. Thanks for the suggestion.
Comment from lyenochka
This poem could be read on many levels whether it's the sun who "fell" and the person "fell asleep" or it could be a window metaphor in which one judges through one's window not seeing that the viewer also falls. Great story in so few words.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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This poem could be read on many levels whether it's the sun who "fell" and the person "fell asleep" or it could be a window metaphor in which one judges through one's window not seeing that the viewer also falls. Great story in so few words.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I'm so happy you saw the poem as wide open to interpretation and took a few stabs at it. The important thing, to me, is the fall AFTER the blinds were drawn and the door locked.
