Starry Skies
Sonnet76 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A familiar theme Janet, and unfortunately becoming more familiar as darkness descends Amore avidly than before. You've done a great job with this my friend, the smoothness of the language and general ambience, the accuracy of The Pentametric consistency of the work and the ababcdcdefefgg rhyming make it a great entry, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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A familiar theme Janet, and unfortunately becoming more familiar as darkness descends Amore avidly than before. You've done a great job with this my friend, the smoothness of the language and general ambience, the accuracy of The Pentametric consistency of the work and the ababcdcdefefgg rhyming make it a great entry, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Roy for your encouraging review and those extra special six stars. It is an honor coming from you - one of the best.
Blessings my friend
Janet
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Very well earned Janet,
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
YOu took the sonnet through the stages of being, and the problem, and the ending, and the couplets that brought it all together. Very well done
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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YOu took the sonnet through the stages of being, and the problem, and the ending, and the couplets that brought it all together. Very well done
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Barb for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments and good wishes.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from rama devi
True to form and well presented. Emotionally effective. Flawless meter and great rhymes in this touching sonnet.
Superb opening stanza with fine imagery tone and alliteration of S, B and T
The starry skies fade slowly with the dawn
revealing beauty of a brand-new day.
I turn to see that(,) from my bed(,) you've gone
as my blue heavens turn to dismal grey.
The middle line commas are optional but I recommend them. the closing line is a superb imagery juxtaposition. One other suggestion is to not use TURN two lines in a row but to replace the second one (line four) with a synonym, like shift, change, grow, twist, bend, steer, etc.
I would probably choose GROW since it has alliteration:
as my blue heavens grow to dismal grey
or shift, as it has assonance of I with dismal
as my blue heavens shift to dismal grey
*
but(,) sadly, you are no-where(nowhere) to be found.
Superb volta stanza with dramatic poignancy and very fine alliteration of F and consonance of L (note one spag suggestion):
But as the snowflakes fall and fill the air --
they seem to blur my image of your face.
I always thought our love was truly rare
but you no longer call this home,(no ,) your place.
Another option:
but you no longer call this home "your place."
*
So(,) quietly(,) I go back to our bed
Outstanding closing impact in this line, enhanced and emphasized by the rhyme:
and dream again of days when we were wed.
This is almost a six but could use minor fine tuning.
Bravo. A strong entry! good luck!
Blessings and Love,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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True to form and well presented. Emotionally effective. Flawless meter and great rhymes in this touching sonnet.
Superb opening stanza with fine imagery tone and alliteration of S, B and T
The starry skies fade slowly with the dawn
revealing beauty of a brand-new day.
I turn to see that(,) from my bed(,) you've gone
as my blue heavens turn to dismal grey.
The middle line commas are optional but I recommend them. the closing line is a superb imagery juxtaposition. One other suggestion is to not use TURN two lines in a row but to replace the second one (line four) with a synonym, like shift, change, grow, twist, bend, steer, etc.
I would probably choose GROW since it has alliteration:
as my blue heavens grow to dismal grey
or shift, as it has assonance of I with dismal
as my blue heavens shift to dismal grey
*
but(,) sadly, you are no-where(nowhere) to be found.
Superb volta stanza with dramatic poignancy and very fine alliteration of F and consonance of L (note one spag suggestion):
But as the snowflakes fall and fill the air --
they seem to blur my image of your face.
I always thought our love was truly rare
but you no longer call this home,(no ,) your place.
Another option:
but you no longer call this home "your place."
*
So(,) quietly(,) I go back to our bed
Outstanding closing impact in this line, enhanced and emphasized by the rhyme:
and dream again of days when we were wed.
This is almost a six but could use minor fine tuning.
Bravo. A strong entry! good luck!
Blessings and Love,
rd
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much rd. I am always happy to get your review as you much my poems so much better with the fine tuning that you offer. I greatly appreciate your input.
Than.k you again
Blessings
Janet
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Thanks for your gracious response, dear Janet. Happy to help! Blessings and Love, rd
Comment from nancy_e_davis
LOL, That happens to me a lot. Have one thing on my mind only to have the rhyme lead me in another direction. It is a well written sonnet Judy. Sadly it tells a story of loss, but not necessarily one of death. Sonnet's are nearly always sad or tragic. Well done my friend. Happy New Year Nancy.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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LOL, That happens to me a lot. Have one thing on my mind only to have the rhyme lead me in another direction. It is a well written sonnet Judy. Sadly it tells a story of loss, but not necessarily one of death. Sonnet's are nearly always sad or tragic. Well done my friend. Happy New Year Nancy.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Nancy for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments and good wishes.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
But as the snowflakes fall and fill the air --
they seem to blur my image of your face.
I always thought our love was truly rare
but you no longer call this home, your place.'
Achingly beautiful, well done this is a poetic work of art and effortlessly beautiful. I love it. kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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But as the snowflakes fall and fill the air --
they seem to blur my image of your face.
I always thought our love was truly rare
but you no longer call this home, your place.'
Achingly beautiful, well done this is a poetic work of art and effortlessly beautiful. I love it. kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Meia for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Joy Graham
This is a lovely sonnet, JMF. All the sonnety things are present and accounted for such as iambic pentameter, rhymes in sequence abab cdcd efef gg, your turn in line nine indicated with, "but". A nice closing couplet. You tell of love gone wrong successfully in this poem. I love the picture of the starry night. We rarely have clear skies here in Calgary, so star gazing is usually a bust. Best wishes in the contest. I think you have a fine entry.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This is a lovely sonnet, JMF. All the sonnety things are present and accounted for such as iambic pentameter, rhymes in sequence abab cdcd efef gg, your turn in line nine indicated with, "but". A nice closing couplet. You tell of love gone wrong successfully in this poem. I love the picture of the starry night. We rarely have clear skies here in Calgary, so star gazing is usually a bust. Best wishes in the contest. I think you have a fine entry.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Joy for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments and good wishes. Sorry star gazing is a bust in Calgary. I do love a night sky.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Sonnet. We start our lives with our partners with hopes abd dreams that we will be together until the end of our lives. But the one always goes before the other and leave a partner alone.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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A very well-written Sonnet. We start our lives with our partners with hopes abd dreams that we will be together until the end of our lives. But the one always goes before the other and leave a partner alone.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Sandra for the encouraging and thoughtful review. I greatly appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a lovely sonnet and you've found the perfect image to accompany your piece. I know this isn't biographical, but lost love and loneliness seem to emerge at this frigid time of year. With the holidays over, we turn to more substantial things like emotion and recollection. Much luck in the contest with this fine poem. Marilyn
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This is a lovely sonnet and you've found the perfect image to accompany your piece. I know this isn't biographical, but lost love and loneliness seem to emerge at this frigid time of year. With the holidays over, we turn to more substantial things like emotion and recollection. Much luck in the contest with this fine poem. Marilyn
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Marilyn for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments and good wishes.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Susanjohn
I read the author notes..but still ouch! This poem is a heart tugging sonnet! from haunts,to blurred image of your face...then that last line!!! :-( wow! ( sorry no 6 star left)..wonderfully written
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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I read the author notes..but still ouch! This poem is a heart tugging sonnet! from haunts,to blurred image of your face...then that last line!!! :-( wow! ( sorry no 6 star left)..wonderfully written
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Susan for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I appreciate your comments and good wishes. A virtual six is greatly appreciated.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Heather Knight
This is beautiful and I'm glad it's not autobiographical.
I love the way you use nature as a way to express feelings.
Thanks for sharing and good lack in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This is beautiful and I'm glad it's not autobiographical.
I love the way you use nature as a way to express feelings.
Thanks for sharing and good lack in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you Maria for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate your comments and good wishes.
Blessings
Janet
