The Window
Can Darkness Expunge the Light?90 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is beautifully written and could have several meanings. I felt the person looking at himself in the mirror or reflecting on what he once actually saw. Unable to stop what happened, he shut himself off from the world and now relives the fall over and over. This may not have been your intent, but is what I took away from this. Very nice work and I sincerely wish you all the best in this contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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This is beautifully written and could have several meanings. I felt the person looking at himself in the mirror or reflecting on what he once actually saw. Unable to stop what happened, he shut himself off from the world and now relives the fall over and over. This may not have been your intent, but is what I took away from this. Very nice work and I sincerely wish you all the best in this contest.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Bless you, Sasha. The interpretations have been as varied as the readers who read it. As I mentioned to Dean, the vision I tried to squeeze into the requirements of the cinquain, was of standing before an open window witnessing the victim of a gunshot falling in the street below him. The reliving of the fall, and the trying to blot it out was your thematic interpretation of reliving the fall over and over. Damn, you're one smart Mexican! Thank you so much, Sasha, for reading to such depth.
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That's what I've been trying to tell everyone but no one believes me...LOL
Comment from Janet Foor
A thought provoking cinquain Jay. An excellent introspective piece.
I'm pleased you found the perfect picture from Cleo85. I often use her work to accompany mine.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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A thought provoking cinquain Jay. An excellent introspective piece.
I'm pleased you found the perfect picture from Cleo85. I often use her work to accompany mine.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Janet. She is a fine artist who never fails to thank me for using her artwork. I really appreciate your reading my poem.
Comment from tfawcus
When we close ourselves off from the suffering of others and their fall, then it is we who suffer and fall. Or perhaps, when we look at the image that we present to the outside world and find it wanting, it is in the privacy of our own darkness that we quietly disintegrate. Interesting Cinquain.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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When we close ourselves off from the suffering of others and their fall, then it is we who suffer and fall. Or perhaps, when we look at the image that we present to the outside world and find it wanting, it is in the privacy of our own darkness that we quietly disintegrate. Interesting Cinquain.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Beautifully put, Tony. In fact I can't imagine anyone expressing the poem's personal intent more succinctly and profoundly. Your phrase, "... it is in the privacy of our own darkness that we quietly disintegrate," that screwed the cap on the meaning. Thank you so much, Tony.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
A thought inducing and excellent poem with feeling and depth. Excellent in it's form it is exceptionally lovely and beautifully crafted well done kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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A thought inducing and excellent poem with feeling and depth. Excellent in it's form it is exceptionally lovely and beautifully crafted well done kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Meia, for your generous rating and your kind words. I'm thrilled you enjoyed my poem.
Comment from Bucketlist
Oh no! I hope you're okay now. An interesting comparison to a mirror and looking away briefly . It was a refreshing thought of a reflection. I love divergent thinking..."so I enjoyed this cinquain. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Oh no! I hope you're okay now. An interesting comparison to a mirror and looking away briefly . It was a refreshing thought of a reflection. I love divergent thinking..."so I enjoyed this cinquain. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Of course, it was the narrative "I" who ... well ... thanks, I am feeling a little better. So happy you enjoyed the poem and hope you come back again.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A clever use of words in your Cinquain, Jay - quite emotional.
and I love the presentation (my favourite style which I use often)
Good luck in the contest.
Margaret
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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A clever use of words in your Cinquain, Jay - quite emotional.
and I love the presentation (my favourite style which I use often)
Good luck in the contest.
Margaret
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Margaret. It resulted in a bevy of interpretations. I'm so happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Caressa_08
A very deep poem here..And I guess we can all get caught up in our own window of life, and see others around us as your Cinquain possibly...projects...that, they do matter, though the main persona, looking out of his life's window,,,seems to have enough of his own problems to be able to help the other male character in your poem with a fall, or could, possibly, represent the downfall in the he outside the window...Being, the persona had plenty of downfalls already to compensate for....Also, think, for one reason or the other, that this main persona, might be harboring enough resentment, etc...for his own predicament ...And it could be a burdensome task to live outside of his own agenda, and help the other guy...Really, a bit uncertain if this is what you were trying to imply with your poem...But have my fingers crossed.
God Bless & Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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A very deep poem here..And I guess we can all get caught up in our own window of life, and see others around us as your Cinquain possibly...projects...that, they do matter, though the main persona, looking out of his life's window,,,seems to have enough of his own problems to be able to help the other male character in your poem with a fall, or could, possibly, represent the downfall in the he outside the window...Being, the persona had plenty of downfalls already to compensate for....Also, think, for one reason or the other, that this main persona, might be harboring enough resentment, etc...for his own predicament ...And it could be a burdensome task to live outside of his own agenda, and help the other guy...Really, a bit uncertain if this is what you were trying to imply with your poem...But have my fingers crossed.
God Bless & Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Caressa, you were spot on with the interpretation of the poem. So much happens after the blinds have closed and the door latched. The image I had in my mind that sparked the poem was of standing before an open window and witnessing a victim being shot, and falling, on the street below. How the persona responds to that situation determines his personal actions afterward. I depicted one person's choice, and the thematic conclusion. Again, thanks for reading, and your piquant response.
Comment from Susan Chetcuti
Your poem can be taken in so many different ways. I really enjoyed your choice of words. You have a unique style with your writing which captivated my interest. For that I would love to add you to my fan list if I may.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Your poem can be taken in so many different ways. I really enjoyed your choice of words. You have a unique style with your writing which captivated my interest. For that I would love to add you to my fan list if I may.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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You certainly may, Susan. That does wonders for my ego, while I wander through FanStory, hiding from that person out there who will some day expose me as a fraud! LOL. Hopefully you'll come to my defense at that trial ...
Thanks for the six stars, Susan. And, dang git, your sweet words!
Jay
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My pleasure:)
Comment from dragonpoet
This cinquain shows the guilt of a person who watched something horrific happen and didn't help. It seems this person will have a hard time forgiving him/herself.
The artwork does well in illustrating your words.
Keep writing
dp
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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This cinquain shows the guilt of a person who watched something horrific happen and didn't help. It seems this person will have a hard time forgiving him/herself.
The artwork does well in illustrating your words.
Keep writing
dp
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you, thank you, Joan. I love the succinct way you laid everything out just as I intended. Specific interpretations are all over the place, but the difficulty of self-forgiveness is the theme I hope all people get.
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You're very welcome, Jay.
Joan
Comment from apky
I like the artwork which complements the words.
I'm only left to wonder who says the words, are they about the person himself or about something he indeed had observed and had sent him plunging into his internal world?
Cheers,
Apky
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I like the artwork which complements the words.
I'm only left to wonder who says the words, are they about the person himself or about something he indeed had observed and had sent him plunging into his internal world?
Cheers,
Apky
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Wow, I like that, Apky; "something he indeed had observed had sent him plunging into his internal world?" Bingo! I had envisioned standing before an open window, witnessing a person on the street below being shot and falling. What followed was one person's "plunge into his internal world." Thank you for reading it with such sensitivity, Apky.
